babylyssa Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 My boyfriend of 1 year and 4 months is just about as perfect as they come. To me he’s just most amazing man i have ever been with. But there’s 1 problem. . . TRUST... I wouldn’t say I don’t trust him because I know he would never cheat, leave, or do anything to hurt me. But he has lied to me repeatedly for the 1st year of our relationship. He would tell me at night he was tired and going to bed, and he was actually getting off the phone with me to talk to this other girl. Whom this other girl talked behind my back about my dead father, so clearly she and I don’t get along. And when I confronted him about this he lied directly to my face. Like it didn’t even bother him. He finally confessed and I told him this is the last time, well he had about 10 last times. And he finally told this girl als she is, is causing drama in mine and his relationship. How do I get over that he won’t lie to me again? Before all of those lies I had no question about him? He hasn’t done it recently but I still find it hard to believe him sometimes. He’s going to be a father July 4th and promises he won’t ever do anything like that again. Is it me that’s being selfish or what? I want so badly to not care about what he does but it’s so hard. I was diagnosed with Sever Separation Anxiety after the passing of my dad. so could this be part of my issue? Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 hi - maybe you should talk to a therapist about the passing of your father. my dad died too, so i know it's hard. and yes, i think it does affect your relationships with men, because if your dad 'left' you, you can be kind of afraid that the other main men in your life will 'leave' you also. sigh. i don't blame you for not trusting her and him. is there any reason that they HAVE to talk together (ie, they work at the same company?) i think, as the future mother of his child, you would be well within your rights to tell him that you feel uncomfortable with his relationship with her, and that you really don't think they should be communicating unless it's 100% necessary (as in, they have to talk at work). Link to comment
Sn0man Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 My boyfriend ... is just about as perfect as they come. But he has lied to me repeatedly for the 1st year of our relationship getting off the phone with me to talk to this other girl. He sounds far, far from perfect, and you're lying to yourself to believe otherwise. If you can't trust him, get rid of him. There can be no relationship without trust. Link to comment
babylyssa Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 Were having a daughter July 4th, no he doesn’t work with her, she just calls him and he thinks he needs to talk to her. He is the "best" to me; everyone makes mistakes in life so I don’t hold it against him. It just hurts my feelings that he leaves me to talk to her, (well used to) He’s been in trouble with the law, and is currently on probo. I really really really want to be able to be like "I don’t care hangout with who ever," but it gets me nervous I mean really really nervous. I've had counseling for my dad it didn’t help Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 Ok let me get this straight... He was talking to a girl who doesn't like you, he let her yap on at him about your dead father and when you confront him he lied about it? Why on earth if he has any respect for you would he accept her talking to him about you like this? Not to mention him doing it repeatedly in the past. I'm sorry but I think you have every right not to trust him. You also don't know he would never cheat and you don't know for sure that he won't leave. Noone does. Link to comment
babylyssa Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 Yeah, but i want to get over it, I don’t want this to be apart of our relationship anymore. I don’t want it to bother me, just want to move on. Since he told her to stop calling she has called once, and I answered and him and I got into a huge argument and he hasn’t talked to her since. But its always eating at me, I’m always wondering if he’s talked to her, I thinks its bad I don’t want him talking to her, but I don’t care if he txts or talks to his ex-gf that doesn’t bother me, doesn’t he get its just that 1 girl that could have messed up my trust? Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 Why did he feel the need to lie to you about talking to her? I understand what you mean. I think you just have to make the decision to try to trust until you find something that is incriminating. I can understand why you are having a hard time with it though because it seems like he has broken your trust more than once in the past. Is he open with his phone and email? Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 He's not as perfect and amazing as you describe him, if he's lying to you. Also, lying to you IS hurting you, and you're only selling yourself short by saying he would never hurt you. As the "OP" stated, "without trust you have nothing." I would put my foot down, and address this issue ASAP. Link to comment
SpeedingCars Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 Obviously he had no problem hurting you. I don't think you should EVER trust somebody 100% whole-heartedly. That is foolish and naive. And never say "I know he'd never cheat" because you DON'T know that. Anyways, you're not being selfish. That girl was causing "drama", and he kept getting off the phone with YOU to talk to her? That's rude and disrespectful towards you. If you guys have agreed to put that issue behind you, then put it behind you. Wipe the slate clean & move forward. However, if you catch him in another lie, I would disregard his "promises" not to hurt you and so forth. Seems like he just doesn't care. Link to comment
texas513 Posted April 11, 2009 Share Posted April 11, 2009 Yeah, I am also curious as to why he had to lie about it. Why can't he just respect you and end his relationship with her. What is the need for his relationship with her? They do not work together, she is not the mother of his children, etc.... Also, perhaps he has not had a physical relationship with her, but what are his emotional ties to this other girl? PLEASE PLEASE take care of yourself. You need to be healthy inside and out for your baby. Figure this out while you two ARE NOT married. Trust your gut feeling too. Link to comment
babylyssa Posted April 11, 2009 Author Share Posted April 11, 2009 I brought it up to him last night, and he said he hasn’t talked to her nor will he. He said "because he seen how hurt I got and he felt bad" I’m going to try and put it behind me. For the past few months he hasn’t lied to me or done anything to hurt my feelings.And no hes never dated this girl and only has 1 baby, and its this 1 on the way. We've been giving each other a little bit of space like every other Saturday he and the guys go out four-wheeling and me and the girls go shopping. Except the past 2 because I’ve been not too good. And we have Easter stuff today But now that he’s going to be a dad i see he's changing Link to comment
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