My friend is so insensitive

[stranded247]

We were driving home from seeing a movie with two of our guy friends and my friend started talking about body weight. I always freeze up when this conversation arises as I have had huge hangups about my body weight and eating disorders in the past and although I'm a lot better about it I still have hangups which I've told my friend about. Anyway she's really competitive with me when it comes to guys and just before leaning on me she was like 'awww you're like a big pillow' to which I jokingly retorted 'thanks' and then everyone was like 'ha kate you're digging a hole for yourself' and then she was like 'what we're like exactly the same weight!'. Firstly in no way is this true. She is about 13 lbs heavier than me and 3 inches taller! And she then made up this whole story about how we'd had a discussion about our weight and we'd been the same weight. NOT TRUE. She'd complained about how much heavier she was than me when I told her how much I weighed. And I told her how I hated telling people or even talking about weight. And then she goes and says that and its like its her way of saying to everyone 'yeah I'm skinnier than her!'. I am so mad, I feel like saying something but I can't bring myself to

[pumpkinmoon]

Ugh sounds nasty and unecessary of her. I think she is doing it to make her feel better about herself because of her own insecurites.

[diabolik]

Ugh sounds nasty and unecessary of her. I think she is doing it to make her feel better about herself because of her own insecurites.

Very nasty indeed.

 

Use this as motivation to get yourself into the kind of shape you'd be happy with (using healthy means!).

[nutbrownhare]

Speaking as someone who's had an eating disorder in the past, I know how sensitive a subject this is and how cringe-making it is when people bring it up. I've found the best way to deal with it is to be very clear about what's mine to deal with, and what belongs to the other person.

 

Your friend sounds silly and immature - the way some girls with low self-esteem get around guys when they haven't got anything clever or funny to say. I'd guess that it's more that she hasn't got very good social skills, rather than being deliberately malicious.

 

I doubt saying anything to her will help - in fact raising issues with people like this often means they'll think about them even more, and it'll come up in conversation more because they can't help themselves. Some people just keep on putting their foot in it, and she will suffer far more from this than you will.

 

However, I do understand how difficult an issue this is for you. I know that sensation of wanting to poke someone in the eye. Very hard. Hold on to the anger and instead of taking it out on her, let it energise you! Use it to do something physical which will make you feel good, whatever, but use it positively. It can be done - honest!

[catfeeder]

As is true with most dense people, she can probably hear your issues without grasping any real message about how they actually feel to you. It doesn't mean she's out to cause harm, but she'll probably look back on her life as one of plowing over people with zero understanding of how many toes she's stepped on. I doubt trying to educate her will do any good, and it's only likely to frustrate you more. Just put this in your pocket and learn from it that she's someone to go to the movies with--not someone to confide in.

 

In your corner.