Lighting1 Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 I've known plently of people that have sex with their partners within less than 6 months of the relationship and those relationships don't last too long. Am I the only one that thinks many couples just rush into have sex too quickly before establishing a good relationship first? Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 I agree with you. I think people have sex too soon too. Link to comment
meepmeep20 Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 no and yes. you can rush late into sex, and still have a relationship end. i've waited about 6 months, and still the relationship was over 12 months later. i've known people wait 1 week and going 2 years strong now. Link to comment
Lamour detruit Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 Yes,many people rush into sex. I wouldn't contribute it to the endings of relationships too much. And I definitely don't consider waiting six months to have sex is 'rushing into sex"...perhaps if you said a couple of weeks. Link to comment
Lighting1 Posted April 9, 2009 Author Share Posted April 9, 2009 I'm not saying I think that's why the relationship ended but I think people tend to focus more on the physical part and forget what really makes a good relationship. Link to comment
stranded247 Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 What is wrong with rushing into sex though? Link to comment
greywolf Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 Yes, it happens, but I also believe that what's good for one person won't be good for another. So I can't really sit here and say someone rushed into it, when that person is just different than I am. Link to comment
Lighting1 Posted April 9, 2009 Author Share Posted April 9, 2009 It puts more emphasis on just having sex than actually building a solid relationship. Link to comment
stranded247 Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 It puts more emphasis on just having sex than actually building a solid relationship. But then you could argue that before the sex there was too much emphasis on just the emotional aspect of a relationship and none on the physical side. Six months is a long time for some people. I know a couple who broke up because one wanted the sex earlier the other wanted to wait. I don't think its so black and white. But I see your point, I guess some couples forget about everything else once sex is involved. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 I think a lot of relationships that go on weren't originally intended to be serious relationships but "happened" if you know what I mean. In other words, I don't think everyone out there sees relationships in such a way as to think they are shaping it with their decisions along the way to the degree that others do. Various degrees of experience shaping choices based on hindsight/learning, and others trying to look into the future while building a relationship with steady little steps. Honestly, I think once you've reached a point where you know something about both, there is no need to wait as long as 6 months and have sex carry you away. Somewhere in the middle seems good to me; but a lot of us have to swing to extremes before feeling that. I think the waiting to have sex until marriage is the opposite extreme to putting the physical at the forefront. Link to comment
Sn0man Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 Depends on what you consider 'rushing in' to be. 6 months is a long time, most people aren't willing to wait that long. 3-4 weeks is normal. I've seen long lasting relationships with people that waited all of 5 minutes to get it on. Also seen relationships fail with people who wait several months. There's a lot more to what makes or breaks a relationship than just how long you wait to have sex. Link to comment
Lighting1 Posted April 9, 2009 Author Share Posted April 9, 2009 I guess 6 months is a long time but the only relationship I can think of that lasted longer than a year is just because the girl doesn't know when to let go. The rest they've had sex within the first couple months and at it didn't last longer than a year. Link to comment
HouseKitten Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 I think it depends on what you personally can handle. I know some people who have said they feel better not rushing into sex, waiting a while and just seeing how things go before they get physical, because they feel more comfortable that way. Me, I like sex and I've learnt not to attach too much emotion to it, and I want to know if I'm compatible with a guy in the bedroom before I waste months on him, so I am definitely a third date girl if it ends, well, it was an experience. But what works for me won't work for the next person, so no one can really look at anyone else and flat out say they rushed things. There's all kinds of other factors to think about besides timing Link to comment
greywolf Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 I guess 6 months is a long time but the only relationship I can think of that lasted longer than a year is just because the girl doesn't know when to let go. The rest they've had sex within the first couple months and at it didn't last longer than a year. hmmm My ex and I were together for 2 years and we had sex right away. Link to comment
Lighting1 Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 hmmm My ex and I were together for 2 years and we had sex right away. So then you relationship didn't last. Link to comment
SpeedingCars Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 I think it'd take me at least 4 months before I'm ready to have sex with my partner. Don't know why... guess I don't think I'd fully trust them or have anything solid [like you said]. So yeah, I do think people rush into sex WAY too quickly. With my guy, I waited at least 8 months. Link to comment
dragon lady Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 I was in a 3 year long relationship and we had sex on the first night. I was in a 1 & 1/2 year long relationship and we had sex after about a week. This was fine for me. We certainly didn't break up because of anything sex related. I don't think anyone can say what is "too soon" for another. The right time is when you feel it's the right time, regardless of what anyone else thinks. Link to comment
COtuner Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 I think it'd take me at least 4 months before I'm ready to have sex with my partner. Don't know why... guess I don't think I'd fully trust them or have anything solid [like you said]. So yeah, I do think people rush into sex WAY too quickly. With my guy, I waited at least 8 months. I'm with you - it takes a couple months for me to feel there is enough of a bond to give myself in that way. I want more of a bond with the person. I'm not into casual sex whatsoever. Early on has always been a mistake for me, so I have a 12 -16 week mental guideline, depending on how much time we have spent together. Since I rarely can see a guy on a "date" more than once a week or every other week unless he works at my company or something, it takes time. I don't have the non-stop text, phone call, see each other for dinner, overcommunicate opportunities that the young folks have. Link to comment
greywolf Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 So then you relationship didn't last. But you can't say it was because we had sex too early. Link to comment
greywolf Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 I was in a 3 year long relationship and we had sex on the first night. I was in a 1 & 1/2 year long relationship and we had sex after about a week. This was fine for me. We certainly didn't break up because of anything sex related. I don't think anyone can say what is "too soon" for another. The right time is when you feel it's the right time, regardless of what anyone else thinks. I agree. OP if you feel that having sex only a couple of months in the relationship ruins the chances of it being successful, then the easy answer is to just wait longer next time (assumming you're single at the moment). Link to comment
Lighting1 Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 I agree. OP if you feel that having sex only a couple of months in the relationship ruins the chances of it being successful, then the easy answer is to just wait longer next time (assumming you're single at the moment). Yeah I'm single which is why I'm asking. I've seen relationships not work because the couples really don't build a strong foundation before having sex. I'm just trying to get advice for when I do find myself with someone. I won't want it to be we just have sex and then nothing happens from there. Link to comment
jenna981 Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 I think it's better to wait. I worry some guys might be out just to have sex and use girls (vice versa for guys too). If they are just out for sex they most likely won't stick around for months, yeah? Link to comment
Lighting1 Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 I think it's better to wait. I worry some guys might be out just to have sex and use girls (vice versa for guys too). If they are just out for sex they most likely won't stick around for months, yeah? I've seen that too. I know someone who was with a guy that just wanted sex and she thought it was a serious relationship. Link to comment
Lusif Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 I don't think it's the sex itself, it's the self-respect. Me and my boyfriend started out as friends and became close pretty quickly, then first kissed etc. a month into knowing each other. It was three/four months before we started having sex. He knew I didn't want a relationship, we were just close friends with sexual tension that we liked to explore sometimes... Anyway, I guess our feelings developed and we ended up confessing we'd started to really like each other. He asked me out five months into knowing each other, after no prompting from me. Obviously I sometimes think, maybe I shouldn't have had sex early on, but I think our relationship evolved and definitely wasn't based on sex. On the other hand, I've seen girls 'put out' maybe a week into knowing a guy and then moan because he's reluctant to start a relationship... then when they get him in a relationship, they moan because he doesn't make enough effort or hasn't said 'I love you' yet, or whatever. And the long-lasting couples I've seen became exclusive pretty early on, then had sex a couple of months into the relationship. Who knows? Obviously it's still early days for me so I can't say how sex has affected my relationship. But I think basically, if have sex early on you're kinda basing the relationship upon that. And that sort of insecure, 'I'm gonna sleep with this guy early on because it'll make him like me then I can keep him forever' attitude seems to be rife amongst girls of my age - late teens, early twenties. I think maybe women get wiser and might have sex with a guy early on because they want to, and don't expect anything from it, but a relationship develops. Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 I don't know if there's a right or wrong answer here. I've seen both sides. My good friend slept with her fiance the evening she met him. She didn't even know his last name. They are getting married in a few months. For me, it was almost 9 months into the relationship when we had sex. Me personally, I want the relationship and the emotional connection and the foundation first. It worked well for us and I say that our success is mainly due to the fact of what we did primarily. We built the foundation first and thats where our focus was. It's not for everyone. I know people who need to know if the sex is good and they are a good match in the bedroom first before investing in a relationship. It's hard to say. It comes down to what you want and believe in. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.