canali Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 being friends w ex: torn between this or keeping ego/pride and moving on totally...can anyone relate? My ex is not some monster who cheated on me or whatever (sure she said some hurtful things in the end as per her letters but so did I...none of us are perfect are we, if we're honest?)....we broke up in sept...been in NC for 6 wks now finally no longer wish to call/email her (funny how you move into these emotinal states unaware of such a change until you pay attention eh?) Right now due to my pride/ego I wish nothing to do with her, but a part of me knows she at heart is a good person and we did have some wonderful times together, too...and all relationships (esp the ''failed'' ones) are opportunites for growth IMO...so I'm thinking maybe in 6 months or so. can anyone relate to this ambivalance I feel? I am praying and mediating to help me to move on with my life/close the door and focus on my growth/healing to become a better person and just get her out of my headspace for NOW at least...who knows what the future holds I suppose. or maybe this is premature given I'm still healing and should just focus more on ME...?? Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 To be honest I ususally cut tyes at first at least until Im over it or have no feelings what so ever. I vote for focusing on YOU. Link to comment
canali Posted April 9, 2009 Author Share Posted April 9, 2009 two monks...thanks...so maybe the answer is simple: let's really let go and focus on us for the next 3-6 months (or longer)...if there is any glimmer of a friendship once the emotions have truly settled, processed and 'moved' on, I guess at that point we'll have our answer.... for me I have no desire to call/email her at all so at least THAT degree of peace is in me (maybe because I am feeling more powerful lately: havent' had a drink for close to 6 months, losing weight, getting emotionally/physically/socially healthier again so more validation IS coming both from within me and other sources Link to comment
heartbroken9 Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 I have the same feelings..right now I have no desire to contact my ex at all. I dont know if being friends with him is in the future. Sometimes I wish that he will always be a part of my life no matter what but then other times I just think..well he left me, so why would I bother staying and be friends with him after he rejected me?... Who knows what the future holds..if she is meant to be in your life..at some point she will come around and you two will be apart of eachothers lives. 6 months is a while from now and thats a good amount of time to really have some time for yourself and grow as a person and really heal your heart. Right now..most important thing is you and taking care of yourself. Link to comment
aprilshowers41 Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 well my ex stated that he still wanted to be friends with me. but my feelings on that right now is, he left me after 10 years and married some young little thing that he barely knew, just in him asking that i found to be very insulting, i wasnt good enough to marry or be in a relationship with, but you want to be my friend. umm, no thank you. my pride will not allow that, not at this time. Link to comment
ratfreak Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 well my ex stated that he still wanted to be friends with me. but my feelings on that right now is, he left me after 10 years and married some young little thing that he barely knew, just in him asking that i found to be very insulting, i wasnt good enough to marry or be in a relationship with, but you want to be my friend. umm, no thank you. my pride will not allow that, not at this time. i got the same thing... you were mazing blah blah, you deserve the best... and he's already on another person BUT wants to be friends because he misses the things we used to do together. i miss him but you can't have the cake and eat it too... i won't give him that satisfaction. if you want to be my friend, you'll have to work on showing me you really want me around. Link to comment
canali Posted April 23, 2009 Author Share Posted April 23, 2009 This excerpt below by Kate Hudson on this very topic: link removed and below a much more insightful article examing ''why'' we may want to be friends and 'how' to do it ...hmmm fodder for thought. link removed I would love to hear from people who struggled with this and for how long it took them to rehook up and let their pride/egos go. Anyone in a similar boat where your ego and pride prevent you from wanting to be there for one another ..one part longs to hang out (almost acknowledges its toast and for the better) yet another angry side has a 'f you' attitude and doesn't wish to give the ex what they want, too? OR is it truly a matter of time and letting go not caring as much anymore? when I met my ex for the first time in 7 months last weekend by bumping into her on a walk I felt a flood of emotions, most especially love and appreciation for her...she asked me a few times to walk with her and go for a coffee but I declined saying I had a yoga class (true)...she looked hurt rejected and disappointed...at the end I gave her another hug and said I'm sure that down the road we can hang out to which she responded ''I'd like that''...then we parted. A large part of me feels that we'll have a lot of good times--maybe even better times--as friends than with the stuff we couldn't resolve as lovers...these are my intuitive feelings...if I were to truly hang onto my pride and not be with her I KNOW it would also cost me emotionally, too...yet there is also my pride which ENJOYS 'making her pay' by not letting her 'have it her way' too. ay vay!!! A great friend will be there always, but lovers come and go...and a big part of me wants us to have a really deep love but on another level....one that will last...we had a ton of great times together. Link to comment
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