Cat76 Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 HI Guys, Day 4 of NC for me and I knew as soon as I woke up this morning that today was going to hard to get through. I'm not even sure why (and I'm sure many of us have been in the same position). I had a dream about the ex, I can't even remember what it was about, but he was in it and it felt very real and then I woke up and remembered he's not here anymore. Im finding it hard to deal with the fact that he doesn't want to be in my life. I sent a couple of emails last week, he replied to one of them and I replied on Friday (and actually asked a question) and he hasn't got back to me. Now he was cr*p at getting back to me anyway, it usually took him a couple of days, but nearly a week I just think that's plain rude. Considering that he said it was nice to hear from me and he said he wanted to stay in touch. Another big stumbling block is that his birthday pressie I had made for him was delivered this week. It his birthday mid May (about 5 weeks away) and I'm already in debate with myself over whether to send it. I'm finding it really hard to keep busy, I'm not working atm and all of my friends live quite far away. So I'm on my own with the TV and the internet (not really a good thing). Sorry for rambling and being a bit of a wimp about it all. I just needed to get it out I just can't seem to drag myself out of it today. Link to comment
journogirl Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 hey sorry you are feeling so crap try and get out a bit take a walk and get some fresh air it will do you the world of good xxx Link to comment
d24 Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 Cat - immerse yourself into something new whether that means a new hobby, a new game, a new tv series, a sport, a cause, gym, pets, etc etc etc..... just something new. It'll help you so much, I promise! Link to comment
journogirl Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 good tip i got really into lipstick jungle and scrubs when i broke up with my ex do ANYTHING to take ur mind off what is going on xxx Link to comment
Cat76 Posted April 9, 2009 Author Share Posted April 9, 2009 Thanks for the replies I'm afraid I retreated to my bed and had a 2 hour nap. Probably not the best idea. Then woke up to an email from my ex's mother saying Happy Easter. (She wants to keep in touch with me). Yes, I have LC with the ex mother in law...LOL. I just don't know whats happening today, I've lost my mojo. Everything you've advised make perfect sense to the rational side of my brain, but the emotional side is doing somersaults and they are having a fight in my head. It's good to get it out though. Thanks for the encouragement. Link to comment
Lostgrl Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 I am also having a REALLY bad day. It started by crying hysterical at work for about 2 hours so I def know how you feel! I agree with everyone else however, I should not talk considering I can not seem to follow what I know I need to do. The emotional side of me is in complete control today. It is a non-stop fight within myself and I am ready to go crazy!! But, keep your head up! You are not the only one going through it. xoxoxoxo Link to comment
Andrew M Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 Nah, having a nap is good, it takes time makes you feel rejuvinated and dreaming is the bodies way of helping us get through things, thats why you always feel better after a good nights sleep. Other things you can do though: -Go for walks around parks or town or anywhere really -Can be best to be with friends, doing whatever, I'm certain they won't mind if you simply ask politly not to bring your ex up. - ALWAYS listen to happy songs NEVER sad songs, this sounds stupid but seriously, music pleasures the brain, and depending on what it is hightens that mood. (I got a thread going on break-ups about songs check it out, could find something to help!) -Do a Simple Hobby, I used to love a thing called warhammer and you could go down to the local store and just chat with them paint and stuff, plus they are more than kind enough to just talk back to you, good to get your mind of things. -Post, post, post. Keep posting, telling all your feelings and getting anything off your chest, the people on this site are sooo KIND. They'll offer you advice a shoulder to cry on whatever you need they're here, VERY good people on here! But simply DO things that TAKE YOUR MIND OFF you ex, never sit there doing nothing. Otherwise you'll jst analyse it all over again and it'll hurt all over again. As for the emotional side of things, when you're feeling down post up here, me or others are always on and will offer advice or just someone to talk to. Hope this list helps you! Andrew. Link to comment
Andrew M Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 Oh and also, this sounds weird but it really does help, just stay away from them, don't talk to them atall, don't look at them and if you do make it really emotional like a small smile that's like 'I wish you were here,' then look away and walk off. Seriously by removing them from your life the more likely they will miss you a lot more Delete him off bookface, MSN, Hotmail, Bebo, your phone... what ever you have, delete him, on things like MSN don't nesseceraly block him but leave him to say he misses you etc etc. But yeh it really does help a lot! Hope I've been atleast abit of help Andrew. Link to comment
Cat76 Posted April 9, 2009 Author Share Posted April 9, 2009 Oh and also, this sounds weird but it really does help, just stay away from them, don't talk to them atall, don't look at them and if you do make it really emotional like a small smile that's like 'I wish you were here,' then look away and walk off. Seriously by removing them from your life the more likely they will miss you a lot more Delete him off bookface, MSN, Hotmail, Bebo, your phone... what ever you have, delete him, on things like MSN don't nesseceraly block him but leave him to say he misses you etc etc. But yeh it really does help a lot! Hope I've been atleast abit of help Andrew. Hi Andrew, It has helped, thanks. I've already deleted everything, I told him I would after we had 'the talk' 2 weeks ago. Which was 'it's not you, it's me' and 'I don't have the same feelings' blah blah blah. I want him back sooooo bad. But he's one of these stubborn men, who says you should never go back on something (relationships), so I'm doubting he will ever get in touch again or know if he even misses me. Plus he's a gaming addict and will be now staring at a spaceship in Eve and chatting to his online friends. Why oh why am I doing this to myself *sigh* Link to comment
Andrew M Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 awwwhhhh! He will be thinking off you! Even in his spaceship, at night when he's about to go to sleep he probebly thinks of you non stop. And take it from me games only last so long until they wear thin... It happened to me and my ex used the same lines: 'I'm to busy with stuff' 'I don't love you anymore...' And no doubt whats getting at you is how do you 'Fall' out of love with someone, maybe even someone you shared your deepest secrets with. He thinks of you, I know he does. And non of it is your fault, what happens, happens for a reason and wouldn't of happened any other way. I don't personally know you but you already sound like a great person. Just keep posting when your feeling down, I'm like always checking up on it so I can reply, but remember non of this was your fault... Some people in this world would die for an unconditional lover like you... Andrew Link to comment
Pixiedoc Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 Hi Andrew, It has helped, thanks. I've already deleted everything, I told him I would after we had 'the talk' 2 weeks ago. Which was 'it's not you, it's me' and 'I don't have the same feelings' blah blah blah. I want him back sooooo bad. But he's one of these stubborn men, who says you should never go back on something (relationships), so I'm doubting he will ever get in touch again or know if he even misses me. Plus he's a gaming addict and will be now staring at a spaceship in Eve and chatting to his online friends. Why oh why am I doing this to myself *sigh* You're right that those who say 'it's me not you' SOMETIMES mean it genuinely, but a lot do not, particularly younger guys who find it easier to move on quickly because they have had more time to think about it He appears to be using his time to zone out of thinking about you - you should do the same and Andrew is right in a way in that you should remind yourself that he would never have behaved towards you in this way if he deserved you. Take some time out for healing, keep yourself busy and get angry about it - that will help you move through the stages of bereavement. Take care. Link to comment
Cat76 Posted April 9, 2009 Author Share Posted April 9, 2009 Thanks for the kind words peeps. I feel like I've been deleted from his life as if the time we spent together meant nothing. I know if I try to contact him I won't get a response and I am positive I'm not going to (I have my dignity). I'm also sure this will pass eventually. Thanks again guys, sorry for moaning on and on. Link to comment
Pixiedoc Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 Don't be sorry, you will have good and bad days, and you can always come on here and vent Link to comment
Andrew M Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 Yeh, what Pixiedoc said, this site is ment for us people to post, and like I said before it's good to get things of your chest, especially round people who won't judge your character, so like I said before just post on up and we'll kindly reply to you. Andrew. Link to comment
Cat76 Posted April 9, 2009 Author Share Posted April 9, 2009 Thanks Andrew and Pixie I just replied to his mums email - Hi Margaret How are you? Thanks for the link. You must have a sixth sense about these things as I have been thinking about the option of self-employment. I’ve had a couple of my regular clients get in touch about their yearly accounts so it’s been on my mind this week. I have good news on the job front; I have an interview in a couple of weeks for a finance role for a corporate travel company. I keeping my fingers crossed. My dad is fine. It just takes time to readjust to a new form of medication, which I imagine you can understand. But it’s all calming down now. I’m doing really well, I’ve had my head in my books so I can finally do the last bits of an assessment at college in a couple of weeks. I’ve also started circuit training once a week and I’m jogging about 3 times a week. It’s hard work, but it already seems to be having an effect. My sleeping is so much better then the last time you saw me and yes I get lots of opportunities to soak up the Vit D! Although the last couple of days I’ve been drenched. It’s been quite dreary and grey in Yorkshire. Have a great Easter weekend, I hope the sun shines for you. Me thinks I may have sounded a bit too cheery, but I've already sent it. Link to comment
Andrew M Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 Nah that's great! You shouldn't worry about it, I mean why should YOU worry about it? Hope Everythings alittle easier now. Andrew. Link to comment
Cat76 Posted April 9, 2009 Author Share Posted April 9, 2009 Nah that's great! You shouldn't worry about it, I mean why should YOU worry about it? Hope Everythings alittle easier now. Andrew. I doubt very much that she'll go running off to him to tell what I said. He is an only child with very very very protective parents. If they think I've done anything wrong to their precious baby, I would be in trouble It does feel a little bit better and thank you so much for replying to me. It's good to talk. Link to comment
Cat76 Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 HI again Just when I thought I was feeling ok, I have started another day after a dream about my ex and this morning I feel as bad if not worse then yesterday. Sorry guys, just needed to vent Link to comment
Pixiedoc Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 Hi Cat I thought the letter was great, just the right tone for his parents. It's always worst last thing at night and first thing in the morning. Just try and fill your days with as much as you can, any kind of distraction to stop you thinking. Hope your day gets better x Link to comment
Cat76 Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 Hi Cat I thought the letter was great, just the right tone for his parents. It's always worst last thing at night and first thing in the morning. Just try and fill your days with as much as you can, any kind of distraction to stop you thinking. Hope your day gets better x Thanks Pixie. I just thought it might get easier but it seems to be getting harder. x Link to comment
Andrew M Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 I agree with Pixiedoc, late at night and first thing in the morning are the hardest, especially when you dream about them. And it will seem like it's getting harder at first, but you know what they say, no pain no gain. I hope your alright though because some dreams can wrench your heart out... Feel free to keep posting we try to reply as fast as we can, hope your alright Andrew. Link to comment
Cat76 Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 I agree with Pixiedoc, late at night and first thing in the morning are the hardest, especially when you dream about them. And it will seem like it's getting harder at first, but you know what they say, no pain no gain. I hope your alright though because some dreams can wrench your heart out... Feel free to keep posting we try to reply as fast as we can, hope your alright Andrew. Hi Andrew, yes I'm annoying the forums again!!! I just feel stuck in limbo (not sure why), I understand there is a process that we all go through, but I'm so up and down that I can't concentrate in anything. I'm so close to sending a message, but the thing that's stopping me atm is my pride. But the thoughts in my head are constantly planning what I will do in a couple of weeks or 4 weeks or for his bday, when or if he's had time to really feel the effect of me not being around. But then I think he can't be missing me at all because he would have replied to my last email if he was.....ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm a hopeless case, sorry. Link to comment
Andrew M Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 Nothing's hopeless, I will make you feel better even to the last whisper in my lungs. Delete him on whatever your going to send a message on, delete all record of him. I think it was Superdave that said this: 'When you've broken up with someone, they are no longer yours, you have no right for them' Something like that, but it is hard, we've all been through it, i mean you survived thus long without him before, why can't you survive now? That is the question. And as hard as it may sound now, later on it'll get easier, I promise... Andrew. Link to comment
Cat76 Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 I completely agree and I feel so stupid for feeling like this. Even if I did contact him would it really make me feel better (because again I would be waiting for a response and that would be worse). There are a lot of other things going on in my life (work (lack of), studies, family) that I'm not very happy about and that kind of makes it a bit harder to deal with. I know I should focus on myself, because at the end of the day noone else will and being with my ex won't and didn't make my other problems go away. Thanks Andrew Link to comment
Cat76 Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 I feel a bit stupid and also a bit relieved. I broke NC and forwarded a funny email. It's not something he has to respond to, so I'm not going to wait for a reply. Link to comment
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