brahmana Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 Okay, guys, you may have read my story, if not, it should be a few pages back. I've started the NC thing and its been over a week now, and I am getting on with my life. I've been hanging out with friends a lot and generally havin a good time, but I have a problem....I need some advice... Last night, for ex, I was hanging out with a girl friend, and she took me to this really cool place downtown I'd never been before, it was like this asian coffee shop/bar complete with kareoke and anime playing on big screens. i loved it cuz I felt like i was in japan lol, an i was having such a good time....but then boom....it hits me.....floods of thoughts about my ex girlfriend. What is she doing right now? I wonder if she is out? I wonder if she is at home? Is she with that guy? Does she miss me at all? On and on.... This has been happening a lot lately, even when I'm having a good time with friends. I end up thinking about her all the time, and I get that sinking physical feeling and I start to feel all depressed. How can I stop thinking about my ex all the time? I'm doing what I should be doing, but God, she keeps creeping up in my mind and I dk how to stop it!! Plz help!! Link to comment
IBelieve Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 There really is no quick fix unfortunately. Time is your best friend Keep it up buddy you're on the right track. Link to comment
Pixiedoc Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 I'm afraid this does happen a lot, some people heal quicker than others, but most advice on this site would just say keep yourself busy (like you have been), acknowledge that you will still think of her and it will hurt, but it will get better over time. Also it can help to remember that is with someone else and therefore couldn't have been right for you and you truly deserve more, someone who will love and cherish you for who you are. Good luck. Link to comment
journogirl Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 hey well for me i just wouldnt let myself think of him it sounds harsh but every time he came into my mind i said to myself in my head STOP and replaced the thought with a happy memory (times with family or friends) it does work if u work hard at it xx Link to comment
brahmana Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 hey well for me i just wouldnt let myself think of him it sounds harsh but every time he came into my mind i said to myself in my head STOP and replaced the thought with a happy memory (times with family or friends) it does work if u work hard at it xx Thats not a bad idea, I'll try that one. Its just hard doing the NC think, in some ways it makes me more depressed, just have this persistent empty feeling, not that calling her would help either llol Link to comment
Pixiedoc Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 Thats not a bad idea, I'll try that one. Its just hard doing the NC think, in some ways it makes me more depressed, just have this persistent empty feeling, not that calling her would help either llol There's the key, that the alternative to NC could be worse. The empty feeling tends to mean you are getting through to the 3rd part of the healing process, which although it doesn't feel good, is better than the shock/disbelief part at the beginning. Keep on going, you're doing really well. Link to comment
brahmana Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 thank you for the kind words my friend. Its hard to imagine, I am still depressed an miss her, and the old life we had terribly. I feel as though I'm in some dark tunnel, really Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 I'm trying to figure it out too. Link to comment
brahmana Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 Sorry to hear of your problems too. Its just so hard. It just sucks when you're having a good time and then it just hits you out of nowhere. Link to comment
Pixiedoc Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 thank you for the kind words my friend. Its hard to imagine, I am still depressed an miss her, and the old life we had terribly. I feel as though I'm in some dark tunnel, really Try and think of it like that - 'the old life' - you miss what you had at the beginning, not at the end, it wasn't there then. If you think you are really depressed, it may be best to visit the doctor and see if you need a bit of help to get through. Otherwise try and spend time with friends and family, doing things that will make you feel better like sport, activities, anything that will keep your mind occupied. You'll get through the tunnel quicker that way Try and think of YOU, not her. Hug. Link to comment
brahmana Posted April 11, 2009 Author Share Posted April 11, 2009 Try and think of it like that - 'the old life' - you miss what you had at the beginning, not at the end, it wasn't there then. If you think you are really depressed, it may be best to visit the doctor and see if you need a bit of help to get through. Otherwise try and spend time with friends and family, doing things that will make you feel better like sport, activities, anything that will keep your mind occupied. You'll get through the tunnel quicker that way Try and think of YOU, not her. Hug. and it really wasn't there at the end. Its just so crazy to think that 7 years went up in flames so quickly, and she acts like she doesn't even care. Let the good times roll. And here I am lonely and depressed lol Link to comment
Pixiedoc Posted April 11, 2009 Share Posted April 11, 2009 and it really wasn't there at the end. Its just so crazy to think that 7 years went up in flames so quickly, and she acts like she doesn't even care. Let the good times roll. And here I am lonely and depressed lol Well, that's essentially because you are a good person. When you look back (in time) you will probably see the signs that it didn't go up in flames so quickly but was gradual, but why should you pine for something that made you unhappy for quite a while? Try not to, because we really need someone who will do everything in their power to make us happy, and check out these forums to see many people in this category. Hope you manage to have a good Easter weekend. Link to comment
leviathanxx Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 You know....it pains me to see people that have to go through this, I have done it first hand. I too would randomly think about what she is doing, is she dating, does she even think about me still? lol......Trust me it is really not worth it. My relationship was 3 years shy compare to yours, but there were alot of emotions involved. Just do not let it get to you. Think of it this way, is this the type of person you wanted to gorw old with? I highly doubt it. And yes that big empty void feeling......sucks! But it is you wanting something else, you feel like something is missing even with friends (because they can't give you the satisfaction a significant other can)......it is lonely and sad. But remember you are just missing having that other person around when you go out and do things, after 7 years it probably feels quite weird actually. But always hold your head high and remember that there is somone else out there that will care for you the way this person did not. And when you find it........hot damn it is tottally worth it. Just give it some time..........its heals.....but slowly. Link to comment
Pixiedoc Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 Wise words, and the irony is it tends to be those who are very caring who suffer the most (although of course that is a sweeping generalisation I hope the weekend was a bit better for you. Link to comment
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