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well i have posted on here before and i just wanted to use this to vent a little....

 

in a nutshell, gf and I split. we were on a break for a little while (her choice) and I needed to find out if we were still on a break or if this was a break up. I had spoken to my therapist and he told me to talk to her to reconfirm with her that it was just a break. I sent her a nice email just trying to reinstate things but I think it backfired....

 

she replied back saying that it was better that this was a break up instead of leading me on (not exact words but that was the jist of it). I replied back telling her that if that was her decision that I wil respect it and that I love her.

 

She did reply back to that saying that she loved me but (and this is what really hurt the most) that she didnt see herself spending the rest of her life with me anymore.

 

just really need some words of encouragement and maybe some words of wisdom that my help this situation. And please tell me more than "just move on"

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embrace the pain. let it all out. moving on is impossible at this point...so don't worry yourself about that. laugh...and cry...and let all the horrible feelings come out. i wish i could say that it's a lot of fun. it's not. but there is light at the end of the tunnel. there are things to learn about yourself. it's been 3 months for me. i never used to cry...but i cried a lot after this one. i've by no means 'moved on'...but i've definitely learned some things about myself that i never would have learned otherwise. i still hurt.

i'm still confused...but my life goes on...and i'm actually happy with where i'm headed.

 

hang in there.

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Hey,

 

I really feel for you because this is essentially what happened to me a month ago. My gf broke up with me just a couple weeks after making grand statements of seeing herself loving me forever and wanting to be with me for the rest of her life. In the end, they were just words, yet those simple words have proven to be the most haunting and debilitating memory.

 

Relationships end, for better or worse, whether we want them to or not, and we can't change the reality of the situation. You are only one-half of a team and unless both people want to make a relationship work, it will fail. So it's time to begin recovery, and be good to yourself. You no longer have any other person to worry about or care for except you. So do just that, as best you can, as much as you can. Of course you'll have down periods, you'll cry, you'll feel sad, you'll be lonely, but just know that it's all part of the process and all part of the road to recovery. I've been living it, and it's not easy, but it's necessary. You owe it to yourself to continue living your life.

 

You know, the simple thing to say is "move on", but I know that it's not comforting to hear, nor easy to accomplish. I would say, let yourself feel the pain and really explore it. I think it's great that you are seeing a therapist (something I wish I could do, but money is tight and I'm in a foreign country for another month), definitely utilize this expertise and come to terms with and understand your loss. I think this will be really beneficial in the long run once you do and will help in the process to not only "just move on", but to move on as a stronger, more complete, and happier person.

 

I'll leave with a quote, not sure by who, I saw in another thread that has really helped me when I'm down:

 

"You have the power to transform today's pain into tomorrow's wisdom, and you should love yourself enough to choose to do exactly that. There is joy waiting for you. You will be healthy enough to recognize and embrace it when it comes, and know that if this is what it took to find it, it was worth all this and more."

 

Good luck. If you ever need an ear to vent to, feel free to PM.

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"You have the power to transform today's pain into tomorrow's wisdom, and you should love yourself enough to choose to do exactly that. There is joy waiting for you. You will be healthy enough to recognize and embrace it when it comes, and know that if this is what it took to find it, it was worth all this and more."

 

i love this. thank you !

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Thanks....but this is hard. I fell in love with her and she did the same. She first told me that the best thing for us was a break up because she had alot of things to figure out and that she didnt want to leave me hanging if she was uncertain about us. Next email (only a hour or so later) she tells me that she hosestly couldnt say she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me anymore. She crushed me by saying this. I spent the weekend in another city with another girl, but didnt feel the same. Phyically I was there but emotionally and mentally I was still with my ex. I dont want to lose her. She was my world. After talking to a few friends, they told me it was the end at this point. I really hate to look at it that way because I just dont like to close the books on things like this so easily. I go off and do my own thing to move forward, but I honestly dont want to without her. Sorry for the rambling, but I just needed to get this off my chest.

 

If any women read this, then please tell me why you have such a hard time letting the guy you dumped that it hurts you too.

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No need to thank me, that's why we're all here, to vent, to learn, to get support, to give support. I totally understand where you're coming from, and it's hard to see the good in this or how you will continue living your life. But you have to remember that the future is unwritten, the only thing that's happened from the breakup is that the ideas, hopes, dreams you did have for the future, one possible future, are no longer possible. That's a devastating blow, I'm still recovering from it too. However, your life will go on and the future is still waiting to be written by you, for you.

 

I think that you spending time with another girl right now won't help since you are just comparing her to the ex and that may make you feel even worse.

 

It's fine to not close the books for good, but at least close this book for the time being. I don't think you need to erase what happened or forget or pretend it's okay or make yourself believe it's over forever. Just take things one day at a time, one step at a time.

 

You don't to make any life-changing decisions, or achieve any earth-shattering realizations, just get through today. Initiate NC, delete her from facebook, myspace, hide her photos, hide her emails, put things around your home/room that remind you of her away, etc. Just do one thing that can help you move forward, not move on, just one step in the right direction in your recovery. It took me two weeks to delete my ex from facebook, but I started to delete her friends from my facebook first. Take baby steps, they are still positive steps.

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How to leave an abusive relationshi...
How to leave an abusive relationship and why it's so hard

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