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Seperated now engaged .......

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I have been separated since December 2002 from a verbally abusive, controlling and immature man. We dated for five years and then were married for four.


I met the most wonderful man during my failing marriage and we have become the best of friends, as well as fell deeply in love. We are both connected by God, want to have a family and most importantly emotionally connected - I trust him with all my heart and he treats me with the respect I was never able to feel in my previous marriage. He has helped me love myself again and see that I am not all the things my spouse would verbally scream at me. He has given me confidence that I have never known and I truly feel that he loves me and would do anything in this world for me. We have the same goals in life, same family background, same respect for family and we both are givers. We became engaged in April and I am very scared this is way to soon - we have told his family and my sister. There reaction was make sure this is right and it is to quick - I guess my question is are we crazy??


I see myself with him - he would make the perfect husband and wife but will he hurt me? I don't want to go through divorce again. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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  • 2 weeks later...

No, you're not crazy, but that doesn't mean you can't take your time here and go slow. Taking time doesn't mean you don't love each other--it means that you are respecting your need to heal and find your sea legs again before you jump into another marriage. Abusive relationships leave psychic wounds that need time to heal. And it takes some time to clear the energy of an "ex" out of your space, so to speak. You are not even divorced yet, and you are still carrying some of his energy around with you, even though you have made some tremendous progress in healing.


So give yourselves permission to have a long engagement and really just enjoy being together before you set a date for the wedding. That way, you will get to see how the two of you are together, when it is JUST the two of you and not you, your new love...and your ex and the divorce process all sitting in the mix, too. Some counselors even recommend waiting at least a year after you get a divorce to make another long-term commitment, and I think they have a good point. If you are looking at a lifetime with this man, there is no rush in getting to know each other.

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