being grateful for lessons learned in our pain/frustration: how many are starting 2 understand this?

[canali]

I made a good number of mistakes in my last relationship, upon which I'm dealing with the painful outcome...yet I am also trying to be ''positive'' by being grateful and looking for useful lessons to be learned from all this pain and frustration:

 

of course this 'insight' usually is ONLY after a while (once our EGO has some emotional distance) and/or if you LOOK for goodness...otherwise you're hooped....can anyone relate?

 

I'm not trying to sound like I'm in a blissful state as I'm not: just like many of you I go up and down...ahead and then backwards...full of loving compassion then fiery rage and anger.

 

What has helped me is being able to make QUIET the fury within: meditation journalling, quiet time alone and prayer have all helped...as also have been getting nourishing TLC from my therapist and good friends.

 

I guess today is one of those more ''insightful'' spiritual days in which I've been granted some emotional reprieve and am using it to look inward and reframe my pain into something better than just pain...like what does it mean in the end....how can I use it for my next relationship so I won't repeat things (or not as much)...to become a better person overall?

 

some people don't see gratitude in pain of course and it is easy to become cynical or jaded (the latter takes less effort and discipline!) ....or they avoid this process and instead jump immediately to a new relationship to avoid looking inward at what they contributed (or didn't contribute which they should have)...hey to each their own.

 

...sure pain and frustration are tough for most of us in this age of ''instant fix it now'' (or we have had poor role models) and most of us don't like pain/challenge ( and only later can we appreciate it)...

 

...to me it's the same whether it be in dealing with the frustration of learning a new language or learning a new way to interact with others: pain and frustration are parts of the process and not to be avoided...

in short there can always be a silver lining in our suffering, pain and frustration if we LOOK for it and WANT to find it.

 

but in my pain, in my anger (anger has been rough right now, even at times overwhelming),and in my sadness I'm trying at least to open my heart spirit and mind to be GRATEFUL to learn from it....

 

i mean really what is the alternative?

 

your thoughts?

[ellandroader]

I think what you wrote was very profound and a positive way to look at things, plus I couldn't agree more. I am banging my head against a brick wall right now but I have the faith I will rise above things and emerge stronger for it, with my identity intact.

 

Good post

[viajera]

"He who has never tasted the bitter cannot understand the sweet."

 

This was a fortune cookie message that I got once, shortly after the traumatic breakup with my 6-year manipulative ex. I taped it to the dashboard of my old car and kept it there for years, until I finally sold the car. I believe it's absolutely true. It SUCKS to have to go through this, but you come out a stronger and more self-aware person in the end, enabling you to have deeper and more significant relationships in the future.

 

Great post!

[ScorpiGal83]

I believe it's never a waste or a loss really, if you learn something important about yourself that helps you grow as a person. I can really say that being with him for 3 years made me who I am today, too - and I am proud of who I am. I know I am far stronger, wiser, more patient, understanding as a person towards friends and family than I was 3 years ago. I didn't do it all on my own - being with him, the ups and downs, helped me learn.

 

Of course good friends have helped me be this better version of myself too but with far less pain involved, heh.

[FriendnorFoe]

"He who has never tasted the bitter cannot understand the sweet."

 

This was a fortune cookie message that I got once, shortly after the traumatic breakup with my 6-year manipulative ex. I taped it to the dashboard of my old car and kept it there for years, until I finally sold the car. I believe it's absolutely true. It SUCKS to have to go through this, but you come out a stronger and more self-aware person in the end, enabling you to have deeper and more significant relationships in the future.

 

Great post!

 

Sorry but I have never agreed with this philosophy, experience is important but so is intuition, I just dont believe you have to eat a * * * * -sandwich to know a turkey on rye is tasty.

[GoldFox3840]

Sorry but I have never agreed with this philosophy, experience is important but so is intuition, I just dont believe you have to eat a * * * * -sandwich to know a turkey on rye is tasty.

 

 

That is true for some people, but I think most people don't appreciate the good things in life until they've experienced not having those good things.

 

And even if you know a turkey on rye is tastier than a * * * * -sandwich, I'm sure someone who ate a * * * * -sandwich every day and then one day got turkey on rye would appreciate it much more than someone who ate turkey on rye every day.

[ScorpiGal83]

That is true for some people, but I think most people don't appreciate the good things in life until they've experienced not having those good things.

 

And even if you know a turkey on rye is tastier than a * * * * -sandwich, I'm sure someone who ate a * * * * -sandwich every day and then one day got turkey on rye would appreciate it much more than someone who ate turkey on rye every day.

 

Well said!!!

[FriendnorFoe]

That is true for some people, but I think most people don't appreciate the good things in life until they've experienced not having those good things.

 

And even if you know a turkey on rye is tastier than a * * * * -sandwich, I'm sure someone who ate a * * * * -sandwich every day and then one day got turkey on rye would appreciate it much more than someone who ate turkey on rye every day.

 

exactly you dont have to know the bad to know the good, people who have only experienced the good take it for granted

[canali]

from oprah's website on some of the things that lead to longevity in an author's book that come from 7 years studying people who live long and healthy lives note the last two sentences, 2nd paragraph...interesting lessons/studies ...open the link and you can go back to page 1.

 

link removed

 

''While many residents of Loma Linda may keep healthy by eating well, exercising and volunteering, another aspect that might be overlooked is religion. Nine-thousand Loma Lindans—about half of the town's population—are members of Seventh Day Adventist Church, which emphasizes a very strict observance of the sabbath. "For 24 hours every week no matter how stressed out, no matter where the kids need to be driven to, they stop everything," Dan says. "From Friday night until Saturday night, they focus on their God, their family, their community."

 

Dan believes that being a member of a community where everyone has the same values can add quality years to your life. Dr. Oz says that showing gratitude is another reason why people in these communities have such long and healthy lives. "If you're grateful for the things that have always happened to you, sometimes they're not always good, but you find lessons and meaning in them," Dr. Oz says. "Hope isn't about a good outcome. It's about making sense of stuff. And these people have made sense of their life, and they do it all the time."