Is it worth asking WHY?

[fantasystar]

Hi,

 

My ex and I broke up about a year and a half ago, he is the one who left. We had six months of no contact than started to talk again, it was his idea to meet up again and try to see if things could work out. He is almost thirty, has never had a girlfriend except me so he has always been a confused soul when it comes to the matter of relationships. It basically became something where he was sending mixed messages like taking me out for my bday on a special date, making me v-day romantic supper and things of that nature, and then suddenly he talks about it lightly months later as if its just a friends with benefits deal. He had gotten tickets for a hockey game for my siblings because he gets them through work then a few weeks ago he asked me if they really wanted to go and that he would like to instead go with his dad. Even though he knows that the game is my family's home team and I was looking for tickets months ago and he offered to get them through his work. Anyhow thats when things became rude on his end where I felt he was becoming inconsiderate, slowly he started to call less, switched to texting and msn. He continued to msn chat with me and even met up for drinks last week. When we had drinks he was playing with my blackberry and seen some messages from a guy and after we each went home on msn he was like "how is that guy?". Even though he clearly told me we are just FRIENDS, he was evidently jealous even though he is on an online dating website and talks to girls all the time but it never gets into reality. We both use the same chat system and he joined a room I was in on a server and noticed some males in it and left the room. Since that day the only thing he sent me was the fact that he was going to the hockey game with his dad and didn't mean to be a total jerkface. Other than that he is just ignoring me. At one point in our friendship I simply didn't talk to him for a few days because a family member was in the hospital and he got pissed out of his mind and said he wouldn't even do that to his worst enemy. Sidenote: He will do anything his family and friends advise him to do, he is NOT able to make his own decisions in the relationship department, and I know he went out with friends he hasn't seen in a long time and if he shared anything about "us" they would advise him, and the matter in which he shares things is usually very negative because he already has negative thoughts about relationships. I am not sure what he is trying to say? And should I contact him, does it sound like I have done something wrong? Is it good to stay away or to ask why?

[annie24]

you know what - this guy sounds like he has some serious issues. being 30 with no serious relationships, being overly influenced by his family, and his hot/cold behavior towards you..... i think you are missing out on nothing!!! i'd forget him and move forward. sorry!

[fantasystar]

Hi,

 

I know it all is very strange and I guess I know from past experiences that he is influenced by others not himself so if they say anything he will take their advice. The sad part is that I was a very good friend to him I stayed in the boundaries of friendship and he is the one that kept pushing it towards physical intimacy and something more serious. It was like a big head game. Right now I am wondering if there is any benefit to asking why? but i know if i contact him and he doesnt answer i will be sad.

[annie24]

honey - he is the one with the problem here, not you. he is not normal. if he is mad at you for being concerned about your family member's well being, then he is a jerk off, plain and simple! what a good boyfriend would do is ask if you want him to come with you to the next hospital visit and support you. this guy is so messed up, it's not even funny. i'm sure he thinks that YOU are the messed up one, but trust me, you are not!!!

[fantasystar]

I try to keep telling myself just what you said but sometimes my mind thinks I am wrong. Recently again the same family member was hospitalized it was right at that time where this guy started to back away from me and talk about those hockey tickets and how maybe him and his dad could go instead, its like he was being selfish. He did keep in contact but he dropped phoning me and would instead text to see how my family member was doing. The one time i did visit him when my family member was in the hospital he made a big deal about me leaving early and became totally pissed with me looking back now that was right when he started to create this distance and hot and cold behavior. I have to fight myself everyday to not talk to him.

[annie24]

trust me, you are not wrong. i'm a totally objective observer here, and i think he is acting way out of line. why do you want to be with a man like this? a man who is husband material wouldn't treat you like this. good riddance!!!! stay the heck away from him.

[fantasystar]

Hi,

 

Thank you for your words. I am super sad still because I feel like an idiot for giving it a second go. He used to talk to me on a daily basis and has for over eight months since we re connected. Now he hasn't spoken to me for a few days. I don't know what I should do when I see him on instant messenger I feel like asking WHY? and i have to stop myself constantly. I am thinking one possibility of him not saying a word is to keep the door open in case something messes up for him as I know he is pursuing online dating. It seems he is hot and cold, and I almost feel like a reason he jumps to cold is when he gets shafted by a woman. I have no idea I just don't like not knowing.

[annie24]

i think you should just block him. i think he has some serious issues. it's not your fault. i think it's all him. imagine you wrote out the story of your relationship with this man, and then your best friend or your sister or brother read it. don't you think they would want better for you? what if your best friend had a guy who acted like that towards her? wouldn't you tell her that she can do a million times better?

[ratfreak]

Sometimes it is worth asking why for your own peace but here... you already know he walked away and now shows no care for you or what is important to you - your family.

 

I'd walk away since you managed 6 months already... the rest shoudn't be that hard.

 

I know it's hard to see that the people who you thought were your friends and whom you gave your best take you for granted. HUG

[Pixiedoc]

i think you should just block him. i think he has some serious issues. it's not your fault. i think it's all him. imagine you wrote out the story of your relationship with this man, and then your best friend or your sister or brother read it. don't you think they would want better for you? what if your best friend had a guy who acted like that towards her? wouldn't you tell her that she can do a million times better?

 

Spot on. You are well rid of him. There will be someone out there who will treat you much better and that is what you deserve. Please don't doubt yourself.

[fantasystar]

Now he has decided to speak to me. He messaged me the night before yesterday saying hi and how are you etc. I talked to him briefly and said I had to go then when I was back on he talked to me again. I can't figure out what he wants out of this. It seems he is either weeding me out slowly out of his life and talking to me less and less - if any friend does anything that he dislikes he basically says he cuts them out like cancer. Although I am not sure what I did wrong to him. The only other thing I think of is that he is trying things out with other girls and keeping me around to relieve his boredom if they are mean to him.

[Pixiedoc]

The only other thing I think of is that he is trying things out with other girls and keeping me around to relieve his boredom if they are mean to him.

 

 

I'm afraid it's most likely to be this option. Don't let him play with you and delete his details so he can't do this again.

 

I know it's hard but hang in there.