I hate me....

[LostnConfused87]

So...I'm a pretty quiet guy. Or maybe very quiet... I can never think of anything to say when I'm talking to someone, and it bothers me alot sometimes. I spend time thinking sometimes about what I could have said, and then things start to pop up, but never when I'm actually talking to people.

 

Yesterday I talked to my professor after class to ask him about something real fast. He's old and I could tell he is teaching only to help others. He said something about me sitting in the back of the class everyday and should move up more... and then he said something about how I'm a good guy, or he thinks that I am or something. I was walking out toward the door then, and assumed he was saying that to the only other in the room with us, who actually sits closer to the front and the professor recognizes and called on before. When I got out the door, he continued talking and said something like "have a nice spring break and I'll see you next week" or something like that. He said those words right when I'd already walked out the door, and when I looked back I saw the other guy in the room just looking at me with a blank "O" face kinda. That's when I realized the professor was still probably talking to me...

 

I just suck at holding eye contact with people. Maybe if I held eye contact instead of looking straight down after I asked my question and he responded I woulda known he was still saying stuff to me. I spent the rest of the day yesterday after class hating myself for that. That must have been awkward and I wonder what he thinks of me now... I just never think of stuff to say like that either, like "have a nice spring break" or whatever... I coulda said that to him first...I wish I weren't so socially stupid...

[testcase]

Whew, well don't say you hate yourself. Luckily it's something that can be worked on just takes some practice and dedication. When talking to someone or listening to someone eye contact is key. First step I'd say you should take is try to maintain eye contact longer, take yourself a bit out of your comfort zone.

 

As far as thinking of what to say, maybe thats a problem a lot of people don't think to much while they are talking... just kinda flying by the seat of their pants. Things like hows it going, have a good one, thanks, all that small stuff are good things to say period. Try interacting more with people when you go out to the store or something. I think building standard practicing of interacting with people will help and carry over to people you interact with often.

[PoisonIvy]

I've always found listening to be more helpful than talking in a conversation, especially with a new person. However, there is give and take involved. Start out with maintaining a conversation with someone else initiating it, and work your way from there.

 

I'm one of those people who just "does it" and am pretty personable, but I have some friends and an SO who are all very quiet, and I've heard some good things from a few about a book by Don Gabor called 'How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends'. Check it out at Google Books or the library; it might help.

 

Also, I agree with what testcase said. Don't hate yourself! This is not something to get worked up over. It's fixable. At least you know that you need to deal with it. That's the first step!

[SoMuchLove]

So...I'm a pretty quiet guy. Or maybe very quiet... I can never think of anything to say when I'm talking to someone, and it bothers me alot sometimes. I spend time thinking sometimes about what I could have said, and then things start to pop up, but never when I'm actually talking to people.

Usually when you feel the way you may have social anxiety. I have the same problem. Its like out of all the things in the world you can talk about you cant think of anything. Like you have a mental block. You just have to practice getting past it and not over analyze what you want to say(because the you suffer from over analysis paralysis.) Also, you may be passive rather than assertive. When you are assertive you are more open with postive and negative feelings thus meaning you commincate what you think and feel more effectively.

 

Don't worry about when you left the room and he was still talking to you. You didn't mean to ignore him you jst didn't know he was still talking to you and thats okay.

 

I am also bad at holding eye contact but it is something that we have to practice. It may feelrelly awkward at first but the more you do it the more it feels comfortable. Holding eye contact also shows that(if you are speaking) you intend on being heard.

 

Don't say you are socially stupid. You maybe an introvert which means you don't talk much and that is a legitimate personality to have. Don't beat yourself up over what you could've or should've done because it's in the past. I sure he doesn't think poorly of you either. Your just over analyzing you interactions with people and thinking too hard.

 

Just relax, practice, and look at it as self improvenment

[steelcitymstro]

I would bet your teacher recognizes that you're shy and doesn't hold it against you. He probably made the effort to wish you a nice spring break to help break the ice. I've always had issues like this--when I first got to college I actually had a classmate ask me "why do you hang your head all the time?" Until he said that, I didn't even realize it was something I did.

 

Eye contact is tough, but can definitely be worked on. To this day, I look at someone's eyebrows or nose if I have trouble looking them in the eye. I'm a little more comfortable that way and they know I'm engaged in the conversation.

 

You're not socially stupid...it takes time for people to be comfortable with small talk (so much small talk is mindless banter...you might just be overthinking it). Don't beat yourself up over what's already happened. Just try to commit to yourself that the next time the prof says anything to you, you'll have something to say back--even if you have to take a second to think of it. Or better yet, when you get back from break, you can be the first student to ask him how *his* spring break was.....