Mom treats my bf unfairly.... is she jealous?

[tbone22]

Now that I have a new boyfriend of 6 months things have improved greatly I finally have found someone that I can relate to, except for my mother. She has met Greg (my bf) now a few times and it just seems lately as Greg comes over shes more happy to see his dog come in the door then him. My mom also seems to make comments when I hang out with Greg all the time, everytime I say I'm doing something she says. "Oh are you hanging out with Ashleigh?" (my friend). Its just annoying because I'm 26 already and I don't need this shameful feeling of hanging out with my bf and her not making him feel welcome.

I have already confronted her about it and of course she gets defensive and says that he doesn't talk so she doesnt know what to say to him and that shes trying. Well Greg says to me that he doesnt feel welcome at all, and I dont blame him. I would want my bf's mom to say hi to me and ask how I am doing its common courtesy.

Another time Greg got into an accident and the first thing my mom says is whats the damage and was Greg drunk? Like don't think to ask how he's doing, even when he came to the house with all his bandages she did not even ask how he was? I find that she's rude and being unfair because I finally have a great boyfriend who supports me! Do you think that she could be jealous?

[vertigoxo]

Mothers are tough to live with. I would know.

 

Best thing to do is just ignore her. You should also have your boyfriend to be nice to her and talk to her, you know, as in "killing her with kindness". She won't know what hit her.

 

You're in your 20's. Don't be bossed around. You're a big girl now.

[Binoo]

Sounds like she could be. Why do you suppose that is though?

Could she be upset because you're spending lots of time with him? Or has she been through rocky relationships and gets jealous knowing that yours is going so well?

[tbone22]

No I don't let her boss me around, I have confronted her but it just ends in a yelling match and I can't get through to her. I mentioned this problem a second time to her and she said " Oh, theres always something wrong!"

And the reason that she could possibly be jealous is maybe the time I am spending with Greg I guess... I'm not to sure... sometimes it seems like she just doesn't want me to grow up or be happy cuz yes her and my dad's relationship is horrible, he's never there for her emotionally and they constantly argue and ast childish towards eachother...I don't know what the problem is but I really can't wait until I can move out!

[Cognitive_Canine]

My mother HATES my boyfriend. Just ignore her and enjoy your relationship.

 

She'll have to get over it eventually. And, I agree...kill her with kindness.

[tbone22]

Thanks guys for your advice!

[lavenderdove]

I wouldn't assume she's jealous... it could be that she doesn't approve of him for some reason, but doesn't want to interfere so just keeps quiet about her reservations about him... Does he drink a lot? Her comment about asking if he was drunk when he had an accident might show where her mind is... maybe she's worried about drinking.

[tbone22]

THe funny thing is that he doesnt drink. He owns his own house, business, has a great family, a dog and is quite responsible. I dont know...

[RoxyGril]

I've been dating my bf for 2 yrs now and my mom treated my bf great up until 3 months into our relationship. She stopped treating him after the fact the a few friends, my bf and myself went out and had a bit to much to drink. We called and said that they could pick me up or I will be back home in the morning. After that was said she never treated him nicely. My mom constantly says hurtful things to me about him. It got to the point where I felt as if she was pushing me away until it came down to a heated argument and I moved out.

 

My mom claim that my bf is changing me and that I am not the same as I use to be. I've told her he's not changing me I am getting older and I am happy with who I am dating. As of this day she still dislikes him and doesn't approve of him. I just ignore her and the things she says cause she can't tell me who I can or can not date.

 

If both of you are happy with each other don't let he effect your relationship. Your mom just has to accept the fact that he isn't going any where. But, would have to agree with debaser wolf....Your mom doesn't have much of a choice and I can say that my mom doesn't have much of a choice either!

[steelcitymstro]

I've seen that kind of behavior out of my mother-in-law. Fact is that now that you have somebody you're really happy with, your mom is starting to get a whiff of the fact that you're now your own adult and will someday be out on your own. If her relationship with you has been very close, it's probably tough for her to see parts of that closeness slip away as you become more independent. Given what you've said about your mom and dad's relationship, once you leave home, she's going to have a tough time adjusting to the new "normal." If you feel this is the case, you'll have to walk a fine line between your mom and b/f for awhile--asserting yourself that you can and should be able to hang out with your b/f or whoever else you want to hang out with without having to answer to her or feel guilty(you're 25 for crying out loud!), but also recognizing that you might be the best relationship your mom has in her life and she's afraid she will lose it to your guy.

 

It would be annoying at first, especially given the fact that your boyfriend doesn't feel incredibly welcomed by your mom, but maybe the three of you could spend more time together. You can show her why he's a good guy for you, you can show him the mom you hoped he would get to see and in time, she might view him as less of a threat.

[tbone22]

Wow that really brings it to perspective! Never thought of that in that way, thanks for your insight I will definitely bring that to the table. Thanks steel~

[JadedStar]

=vertigoxo;

You're in your 20's. Don't be bossed around. You're a big girl now.

 

And if you are 26 and not crazy about your mom's behavior it might be a good time to find your own place.

 

When a 'child' is an adult but still living at home they still are going to suffer some rules or inconveniences. If it were perfect, many would never move out and continue to live at home to save money.

[Atticus90]

Yes, she's jealous obviously. Your mom is going to feel that way for every guy you go out with. All parents are like that. My girlfriends parents are still that way towards me. They don't speak to me and when the doors are closed, they talk about me. Of course, my gf's mom is a feminist. The type that says "you don't need help, your a girl and can do it all on your own. You don't need no MANS help"... I've even heard her mumble behind my back "oh here he comes to the rescue" with a smart a** voice.

 

It's annoying I know, but it'll never change. Might as well get used to do and learn to cope.