Can Really Use Advice On Relationship..

[gotmi]

So I guess I'll start with the story.

 

At the beginning of the relationship everything was rocky, she lied to me a lot... about dumb stuff, like saying she kissed another boy, which really hurt and we broke up and worked out it.. and I found out she lied about it because she was scared of a relationship and whatnot. It has been over a year, and over that year there have been many fights over trust, but overall things were well.

 

Three weeks ago we broke up, because of arguments and how too much has changed, and how we both seemed to be jealous about everything, which was not good for the relationship.

 

After the break up, things seemed to be getting better... working out problems.. not being jealous anymore... We used to be upset when one of us would talk to someone of the opposite sex a lot.. which is bad for a relationship, I know, that is a lot of why we broke up, but since the break up three weeks ago.. we have stayed friends, but the jealousy factor we worked out, we haven't been mad or jealous when we hang or talk to other people a lot, which is great.

 

The only problem is, she says she feels like when she talks to me I am talking down to her and making her feel stupid, but when she goes back and thinks about what I say and how I said it, I don't talk to her like that. For some reason whenever we talk she thinks I am trying to be offensive, trying to offend her in any way possible, but I don't and she doesn't realize that until it's too late.

 

Is the relationship a lost cause? We still have strong feelings for eachother, we are always there for eachother and always supportive no matter what, but she says she cannot be with me until she stops feeling like I want to bring her down, when I have no intention of bringing her down, and her bestfriends have seen convos we have had and agreed that I have not been bringing her down, it's just in her mind that I am.

 

Is there anyway to help her stop believing that? Or should I just give up on her? Any help would be appreciated... We still see eachother a lot, we still talk a lot.. and even cuddle, but she says she cannot be with me because she feels like I'm talking down to her..

[pinkrobot]

I've been in her position before, and even when we tried to work things out I couldn't see him in a new light...I always remembered how he made me feel during those times, and I couldn't get past it.

 

But, every relationship is different and it just takes communication to figure these things out. I would ask her to be more specific about what you do that makes her feel this way. Or, ask her to point it out at the exact moment it happens...have her call you on it ("What you just said is an example of why I feel the way I do," is kinda what you could ask her for).

 

I wouldn't say it's a lost cause just yet. Give it a little more time and see how things pan out. It's only a lost cause when you believe it is, so don't give up until you really feel this problem is unsolvable.

[gotmi]

Thank you for the advice will definitely try it.

 

A lot of the other things is that she always tells me that I don't care what's best for her... when once in awhile I'll ask her to postpone homework for an hour or two to hang out? And stuff like that, which doesn't make sense because I spend hours every night tutoring her or helping her out.

 

Just a lot has happened, and it feels like no matter how hard I try it won't ever satisfy her anymore?