Confused! Opinions please :-\

[Lostgrl]

I have been reading this site for a while and debated on writing or not. However, I figured other peoples opinions especially guys wouldn’t hurt. I will try to sum it up as short as possible….

 

Me and my boyfriend started going out July of 2007. Everything of course was perfect the first few months then we started to argue a lot in which since there was so much stuff going on his life (he cant handle to many issues at once) he wanted a ‘break.’ I don’t believe in breaks but I gave it to him which was hard because at the time, he worked at my house so I saw him everyday still. The break lasted maybe a month / month & a ½. (in which after we started talking again he asked ‘why didn’t u ever come in the back and say hi to me?’ meanwhile this is the same guy who said he needed space and time, so confusing!) So we got back together and once again, first few months everything was good then the arguing started again. A lot was going on in my life which caused me to always be stressed out so yes I will admit, I was difficult at times but trust me, so was he. (he is extremely childish/immature) So moving on, we break up in August 2008. My version of the break up was that he did it over myspace by changing his profile to ‘single.’ His version was that the last argument, when I said ‘I am done with this’ he said he took it as meaning our relationship when in reality I was talking about the argument/situation. (I didn’t find that out until months after) so I try talking to him, nothing. He didn’t work at my house anymore so I didn’t have to see him but then he started going out to clubs every weekend (which he is not a club person) and then posting pictures all over his myspace. So come middle of October, I decide to write him on myspace. So we talk back and forth on there, then he texts me. He is depressed (his mom just moved, hes on his own, doesn’t know if he can find room mates and if he cant then he doesn’t know what to do because he cant afford the rent on his own, etc) so being the overly caring person I am, I go over there to talk to him and to cheer him up and be all positive. In which I was happy I did because the whole time ‘I have a new respect for you, I don’t know how you do it then did everything u did for me, bla bla bla’ I guess a little taste of karma.

So then we started hanging out again, talking again and everything was picture perfect. It was made official again 2 months after hanging out and stuff, and everything was good. He was so different this time with the ‘I love you soooo much/miss you sooo much’ stuff and it just felt different and good. Towards the last couple months I however, started to feel stressed out. I was happy with my life but when it came to him I felt stressed. Instead of holding stuff in, im the type of person to talk things out or talk about how I feel that way I don’t just up and leave. He is VERY passive about things and I felt as if he got lazy since now he has people living with him, it was like not the full effect of being on your own own anymore. (the drive in him was gone!) So I felt pressured and felt like his stress was now my stress because I would always have to hear about it and of course I don’t want to see him fall. I almost got to the point of ending it because here I am doing EVERYTHING and ANYTHING for him and I couldn’t even get an extra 5 min phone call in the morning, I couldn’t get the little things but as usual, I sat there, talked it out and still stayed because I love him.

 

Then on march 7th, we had an argument a big argument which led him to hang up on me and then ignore me for a day. (I could go into the argument if it is needed) So he finally texts me the night after and I asked him if he still wanted to be with me and his reply was ‘I just do not want to be near you now’ okay fine. Then I ask him to talk on the phone and he says no, hes going to eat, hes going to sleep, he wants to do it this way, why we have to do it my way, bla bla bla. So we talk about our views on the fight, we get nowhere. So I stay as positive as can be and how we can get past this. This happened last time (when we broke up he said he NEVER got my texts, NEVER got my myspace message and when I texted him a joke, he would of responded but his phone was shut off so he made it seem like it was alllllll a misunderstanding and we wasted 2 months for no reason) and look what happened, we went months without talking for no reason. we should move on, we love each other bla bla bla.Then I said how we are together, how is it fair that I have to wait for when you want to talk and chill? So he said ‘u do not have to wait for me, u said u were sick of the * * * * so its up to u’ So the next morning, a girl I used to work with has passed and I texted him saying how life is short and at the end of the day fights become pety and I hope he can see that. And then I say ‘so I am guessing you are making it clear on what you want.’ And he says ‘I love u’ so I said ‘ok I love you too why are you holding back so much on getting past this’ then I said ‘or wait, was that you saying you don’t want this anymore?’ and he said ‘I did not say that.’ And that was the LAST thing he said to me, a month ago. He ignored all my texts and phone calls after that. In which got me because he NEVER said he didn’t want to talk, he just wanted to through texts.

I wrote his 2 friends on myspace just asking how he is because I worry about him all the time. Of course his best friend didn’t write back but his other friend has been an angel to me! He said that b told him that we don’t go out anymore, so I told him what really happened and he actually has been really nice to me and helping me with good advice and etc etc. (he said he has been int eh same situation just about and he knows how it feels and regardless if he is his friend or not, no1 should treat anyone like this) So he talks to B and B tells him how ‘we are in an agreement of not talking’ so his friend said’just like that?’ and b said ‘yup just like that, we made an agreement’ ….WHAT?!?!?!?!?! so now im even more lost. Then I find him on a dating site trying to get to know girls in which I don’t think he will look for another girlfriend right now, if anything I think its more out of boredom or trying to fill a void/avoiding emotions since he does that a lot.

So I am confused because he told me the COMPLETE opposite of wanting to break up, ignores me out of nowhere and then tells his friend ‘we are in an agreement’???? Thinking logically I would think anyone who is done with someone would just say no we broke up, its over. I just do not know what to do, where to go, what to think. I love him and regardless of ALL the * * * * , I would still want to work it out but I don’t know if I am holding on to false hope or anything. I am just at rock bottom emotionally. I did text him like once a week, nothing like begging or pleading for him to talk to me. Just simple, I miss yous, I love yous, etc which I know is still NOT good so this is 1 week no contact what so ever. I just do not know what to think especially since the last time we hung up, he was completely different, all over me and how much he missed me and loves me and just would not let go and then within a snap of a finger, act like I don’t exist??? Ughhh

 

Any opinions??? Sorry its so long!

[Casey13]

Just by reading this I feel stressed so I can totally feel for you living it. I suspect way too much drama so if I were you I would just move on and only take him back (with guarded emotions at first) if he proves to you he means business. I dont mean to sound rude but he doesnt seem all that 'up there' but again this is your side of the story. If I were in your shoes I would just cut him off and move on with your life. Dont hope for him to change or come back but if he does make sure hes different.

[Lostgrl]

Thank you for replying.

 

And do not worry, you were not being rude. Most would agree with you in fact lol but everything is so much easier said then done. I dont even know where to start. I feel so hopeless, lost, confused and on top of that, my self esteem is completely gone.