Did I take the right steps after being dumped?

[Struggling23]

My gf of 4 months dumped me through text, saying she can't handle the distance your a amazing guy, but I think we should just be friends for now.

 

I just texted her back saying oh allright, I then text her again can I get the real reason and she said I want to spend all my free time with my friends and family," and that she likes to drink and smoke and how she can't around me and the distance again, but don't worry she still loves me. Blah blah I know all excuses.

 

I felt like a wreck but I did not say anything, I left work early went home, packed up all the cards and gifts she gave to me and mailed them fed ex with signature authorization. Deleted her from facebook, yahoo, blocked her email, deleted and blocked her phone number.

 

I also sent her a email telling her it was nice to trust someone again and to tell thanks for her family for treating me like I was apart of the family. Of course she never replied to it such is life I guess.

 

I learnt from my last relationship that begging and pleading etc gets you no

where. Even though it was only 4 months I care for her Alot and it's just eatig

me up inside.

 

I'm so inclined to send her a text saying that I do care, instead of keeping up this act like I'm ok I'm on day 8 of nc, losing weight can't sleep can't get her out of mind. I've been through this before when my gf of 4 years cheated and left me for another man, I guess that's the only thing keeping me going, but the weird part is, is that this hurts more than that.

 

 

[Cat76]

Hi

 

I think you did the right thing. You backed away with your head held high and maintained your dignity (I wish I had done the same).

 

I understand the part about being cheated on and this split hurting more. My previous ex cheated on me and I got over him in a heartbeat.

 

This time I'm told that there's noone else, they just don't feel the same about me!!! I did a bit of begging, little bit of pleading then tried to agree to being friends and a bit of LC and now I think he is ignoring me. (sorry, rambling about my own problems)

 

Your only on day 8 and I know it's hard, but think of it this way - you are in control of the situation and your happiness and it does et easier eventually (doesn't feel like it now, but it will)

 

Cat

x

[philove]

You definitely did the right thing mate and my heart goes out to you because I know how you're feeling.

 

The good news is you will get better as long as you maintain strict NC. It is a daily struggle but it will get easier with time.

 

Stay strong.

[huskiesfan]

Hi there-

 

 

Don't worry, you did things with out mess or fuss.

 

You're walking away with your dignity intact, and you're avoiding pushing her further away by continuing to contact her.

 

Of course she's going to ignore you at this point, she is probably still confident in her decision to leave you. Over time, her new guy, or her smoking and drinking, or whatever it was to cause her to leave you is going to lose its glamour and she might look your way again. Until then, best to keep away. Saves you a lot of pain and trouble. Like Cat said, things may seem bleak right now, but they do get better as you put time and effort into it.

[Breaking Away]

just take it easy.

 

i'm in the VERY early stages of a break up myself.. and i know its hard- and the pain is unbearable at times- and you feel like you are going to die.

 

we aren't going to die- we just have to keep moving forward and be strong... very very strong.

 

surround yourself with people who are good to you and who care about you- take care of yourself.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Class act. Tell you what...20 years from now when you are happily married you can go visit her in the hospital as she gets treated for lung cancer or liver disease! You walked away with class...now you can find someone who doesn't smell like an ashtray and brewery!

[canali]

Op you sound like you have class...be compassionate towards yourself and walk away with your head held high too ...sometimes the shorter relationships are equally painful because we are still largely infatuated and don't truly know the persons faults and/or they haven't really repeatedly disappointed us yet etc....good thing however is that the pain with them doesnt have to be as long lasting as you would experience with a longer relationship either...

[impossible]

Yes you did. Keep doing what your doing.

 

Even tho you care about her, she obviously doesn't care that much or love you. If you love the person, and after 4 months you wouldn't end it via text. thats extremely harsh. After 4 days or even 4 weeks, but not 4 months. She couldn't say it to your face. She was taking the easy option out.

 

I must admit i did that once, ended it with a guy via text, although it was just a couple of weeks and he went crazy. I was the one deleting him from everything!!

 

The stuff about her liking to drink and smoke,and cant around you, purely an excuse and to try to make you feel bad. If you love someone, you might give some things up, or compromise not to do it around them - but you dont throw it back in their face.

 

i know its probably hurting, espically been through it similar before, but think you dodge a bullet. if this is the way she acts - if she loved you and want to be with you, she'd have sat down with you and tried to talk it out. If you shut her down then maybe she'd break it off, but text message is cold after that time.

 

keep with the no contact.

[Pixiedoc]

Op you sound like you have class...be compassionate towards yourself and walk away with your head held high too ...sometimes the shorter relationships are equally painful because we are still largely infatuated and don't truly know the persons faults and/or they haven't really repeatedly disappointed us yet etc....good thing however is that the pain with them doesnt have to be as long lasting as you would experience with a longer relationship either...

 

This is so true, it's harder when you have just fallen/are just falling in love.

 

A dignified retreat was defiitely the best option, and I agree that if smoking and drinking were key factors, she definitely has her priorities wrong and you are worth more than that.

 

Good luck.

[pumpkinmoon]

Definitely the right thing. I would strongly advise against sending another text.

 

Sleeping tablets will help you if you can't sleep right now and will get you back into a routine. It's hard to eat but try to eat something even if you have to force it or drink some milk to line your stomach.

[Iwantittoend]

You went about it the right way. Leaving quietly and with your dignity intact is always the way to go. Keep your head held high and look into the future. She obviously didn't respect you as much you did her, so just keep that in mind and hope for the best as time goes on.

[kiter]

You did do the right thing.

My live-in GF of two years broke with me, didnt give me any reason, moved everything out in under 24 hours.

I told her "have a nice life"...she did not like that!

 

I, like you, have had experience with breakups and knew chasing, begging etc would do no good. Also why should I chase someone or make myself available to someone who cut me out so swiftly and without any concern? My answer to this was to cut her out just as swiftly and show her the same level of non-concern.

 

This was the hardest thing ever to do. Yes I couldnt eat, couldnt sleep, could barely work. Slowly I got better but it took a lot of time, a lot!

 

I feel that had I pursued her, cried, begged, asked, called etc. she would be "looking down on me". I wanted to change the dynamic and be "looking down on her", to value myself more than she did. Since the initial break (6 months ago) she has called me several times (ignored the calls). She has also showed up at my place of work to see me and when she did she started to break down crying and then left. She has also randomly showed up at a regular hang out place of mine, a place that she would not normally frequent to find me and talk to me.

 

No, were not getting back together, and who knows whats next but the important thing is I have my dignity, I valued myself and because I did she does too.

 

You did the right thing. I would say no more calls from you , no more texts, no more anything. She does not deserve it!

[Struggling23]

Thanks man your post is exactly what I needed.

[Struggling23]

well she contacted me, and told me that were two different people, she likes to go out and party and i like to stay home I agreed, back in the day i would have said but ill change, i just accepted it yep your right etc. etc., (lol i honestly can;t believe it being dumped over a pathetic reason like that , i mean after she was hit by her ex bf and cheated on by him and every other bf she has, she suddenly thinks she can get all my qualities plus a guy who likes to go party and club).

 

She then said she talks to her mom every day about her decision and wonders if she made the correct one but who knows what the future holds, your the greatest bf or man I ever met and I know I will regret this situation in the future heard all of this before so in one ear out the other.

 

Back int eh day I would have wanted a second chance etc., now nope, screw it I will not be some backup or light switch, after she ends up with a guy who cheats on her for the 6th time comes crawling back.

 

Honestly she is a great girl, and maybe one day I can be her friend, but I would never ever want to be with her again, major issues.