jobs, school, moving... advice pls

[rocio]

I'm having alot on my mind today and would love some feedback from my smart and insightful ENA pepes.

 

I'll write in point form because I'm too lazy to construct sentences:

 

My family and I had been hoping to move to a different province this month.

-My husband needs to complete his PhD there,

-I was searching for a job

-We were sure that I had one - I went through two phone interviews, then they flew me out to have an interview in-person and I felt that it went really well. I was 99% sure I had the position (even informed my current manager to expect a call from them! Oops!) Well, they chose someone else finally.

-They say they want to consider me for another job, within the same organisation. The process will likely take weeks.

-My husband has to get back, like, now - this month, in order to prepare for his comprehensives in a couple months.

-We've tried the long distance thing and it doesn't work. He cannot focus on school when we're apart.

-I want us to just pack up and move there. I'll work at something not in my field, if I have to, for a few months until I find an appropriate job.

-The economy in that city is one of the strongest in North America. However, the recession has hit. I'm not quite sure (don't think anyone really is) what the job market is like, or is going to be like by summer.

-We are on a yearly lease, so will have to move at the end of the month anyway, whether that's within the same city or to a new one.

-My husband cannot find a job in his field so has been working at almost minimum wage for the past year. Obviously extremely demoralising.

-However, he is not quite pumped about going back to the PhD. He feels that it's too much pressure (us moving for him to finish) and is afraid to fail. He's also taken a couple years off, so is not in that mindframe.

 

I want us to just take initiative, move into the next chapter of our lives, get back to that city, let him take 2 or 3 years to finish school, and then be on with things. I think he now wants to drop the program, but since his citizenship won't be in for another 3 years or so, and citizenship is usually required to work in his field, he also doesn't have alot of job prospects. (Not to mention the state of the economy.) I guess I can't force him to get excited about school. But at the same time, I think he and his family will blame me and our daughter (I'm sure they wouldn't say it, but they'll think it) if he never achieves his dream of getting a doctorate. Every time I speak with his father, the first question is about the PhD.

 

Please, give me some suggestions or insight!

[top bloke]

I would have to say that you are one heck of a good wife.

FIrstly his phd is the main focus to be finished but also for you to be together. I think you should move up there..settle in and go from there. He may need some time off from study to refresh himself and hopefully you both will find work up there. I know moving can be very stressful but support each other and obviously his decision to get phd. If he needs a little time it may be good for him. It seems we can over worry alot of times but with love and a bit of hard work life seems to eventually fall into place..good luck

Tb

[rocio]

Should you shake your partner and push him to do what is in his best interest? Or is that not your place, as a partner? Does that kind of thing have to come from within?

[top bloke]

Should you shake your partner and push him to do what is in his best interest? Or is that not your place, as a partner? Does that kind of thing have to come from within?

When weary..tired a man whos wife supports him in a nurturing way is very important. At the end of the day he must want to do it but your support will be a big helping factor.To shake him or push him..you must do it nicely and with understanding. If he is exhausted then leave it alone.If he has enough mental energy then gently build him up. The key is to do it with love and tact. Am I clear?

[rocio]

Yes very clear. Timing and tact right?

 

I miss the days when I could be spontaneous and pull myself out of a rut. We got a 2 month extension on our apartment so I guess that's good but a part of me wishes we would be forced to move somewhere else.

 

Neither of us has any energy left to put into an honest job search. I feel that we're so stuck.

[top bloke]

Yes very clear. Timing and tact right?

 

I miss the days when I could be spontaneous and pull myself out of a rut. We got a 2 month extension on our apartment so I guess that's good but a part of me wishes we would be forced to move somewhere else.

 

Neither of us has any energy left to put into an honest job search. I feel that we're so stuck.

 

You going to both take a little timeout to recover.We are human and life can be very drainning.

I believe just be tactful because you dont need to be resented so it would be a nicer way to approach it. I suppose

If you got 2 months extra then can you get any time off to just recover a little? Its obvious that if gets his phd quicker its a good thing but not if hes genuinely up to it. Is he being lazy or just really drained? This will guide you on the best course of action..