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Love Disorder?


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Some background info that I think may be useful: I grew up in a decent household, my father was abusive in my early years, but as I got older it got better. As I neared the age of 17 I became more distant from my parents, especially my mother, resulting in fights every night, I like to believe it was due to their alcohol problems, but I'm sure some of it was my own doing. I couldnt take it, had a job and a car at 17, so I decided to move in with some friends who were older and kind enough to care for me, teach me how to support myself, who Im still friends with today. At age 18 , I became intertwined with a girl (uh oh ). I had experienced puppy love with previous "girlfriends" before, but never had I ever fallen, truly in love till I met her. The relationship lasted for a year. (in my opinion) I was putting more into the relationship than her, and ended with her cheating on me with another guy for whatever reason. I guess she just wasn't the person I thought she was. Nonetheless, I went through a massive depression. a year went by and I thought I had moved on, had a relationship with a girl the following year, but never had any true feelings for her; It was rebound that felt like a date that just never ended. So when I broke up with her because she wanted to take the next step and I wasn't ready, not only did I hurt her but I felt like a real * * * * * * * .

 

Im now 20, have a steady job, am going to school, have loving friends and have been dating, repaired the relationship between my parents to some extent; but everytime I start to care for a girl, I try to commit more but the love is just not there, and ultimately ends up going nowhere. I feel like Im living in a snowglobe, where everything is perfect and no one can hurt me, but im unhappy because I yearn for the passion I once felt, and everyone outside my snowglobe is in love with their significant others but I am alone on the inside, if that makes sense? This dilemma has been irking me for some time, and its gotten to the point now where after 3 wonderful girls who could have had the potential to be something for me, were never more than friends to me because I was never honestly in love with them. And I don't know why... but this problem of mine has worried me to the point of venting my frustrations to a bunch of people who I don't know in an online forum

 

Anyone who can relate or give me advice? I would greatly appreciate any input, even criticism if necessary.

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Don't try so hard! You want so badly to be loved that it seems like you don't really care who gives you the love. You are far too young to box yourself in. Have some fun. When the right girl comes along, it will feel effortless... at least at the beginning

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I agree, when the right person comes along, it will feel effortless. You might think you sound dysfunctional but you actually come off as being very aware of your emotions. You obviously still feel, you just haven't met anyone worth your love. After all, you're only 20 and with all of your obligations, you shouldn't think you had to meet them yet!

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