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Hello everyone,

its been a while since I have been here, my life has turned upside down again and again and I am finally to the point I cant deal with it anymore.

I have been married for almost 4 years now my husband and i have a 2 year old and for the first time in our marriage I want to pack and leave; after my hubby came back from jail, i had a hard time trusting him and having sex but when he would ask me for it even if not in the mood I would help him or just do it and after months of this I told him it was trust i was lacking, so he said I need it, so I worked and worked on it, now I am in the mood most of the time thanks to my meds and he wont have sex with me, I have asked him if he is cheating he said no, actually I don't think he is he is always home; however his porn watching a naked girl viewing if off the roof! I don't have a problem with porn, or naked anything but I do when my needs are being neglected I feel like something is wrong with it because I am here and in the mood so why not? tonight I finally got shot down I came home and he was like im tired, i have to work, go to sleep when i was like well im here and int he mood he was Ok stop! im tired and I already took care of it Hours ago! this makes me feel angry and so frustrated!

He goes through moods when he loves me and when he does not, this is the

 

I don't love you, i think I would be happy along and I only pretend all the time, and its getting old I cant keep doing this I love you, not I don't every 3 or so months!! its starting to take a huge toll on me emotionally I feel anxious and depressed all the time; all I want is a happy family and the man that love me... I know maybe I should just leave but its really hard to do! because I do love him and I am so used to him being with me life without him would be so weird, but I also know that something must be done, I have tryed talking to him all the time he saids I DO NOT! want to talk about it! he is mostly angry with me for whatever I have done to make him angry, and when i cry and get depressed he is like why are you crying? god your so this, your so that!

 

I don't know what to do, it hurts it really does, feeling shut down sexually, him lying to me, feeling anxious all the time, feeling like Iam missing some poing some thing important and the feeling in the back of my head that tells me to give up!

 

Please help me, thank you so much for your help I know its a long post.

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No, your post wasn't too long brownie. This sounds like a complex and hurtful situation for you to be in. So, it is going to take a little time to explain for us to try and best help you.

 

I have never been married, but I have been in a few long term relationships (longest was 3 years).. so I do have some idea what it is like deciding what is too much to stay and what things you try to work on. The thing is though, you two have a kid which greatly .. hm almost simplifies things actually. In my opinion, this is the type of thing you should try to work out and it is hopeful to me that it very well could get better. If you hit it with everything you have, wait it out, and it seems to only be getting worse or makes no improvement, then start asking yourself if you should leave.

 

The very first thing that might help would be finding a day he isn't too busy or overwhelmed, and bring up the issue as unemotionally as you can. Tell him like .. "when you do X, I feel X" and "I hope we can work towards being more X" You know what I mean. Try to be as gentle as you can with him.

 

Then, assuming that goes decently well, pick a day where you think he won't be totally spent and don't ASK him to sleep with you. Surprise him by being in some sexy lingerie or something. Seduce him.

 

If all else fails, if you can, I would suggest marriage counseling. I think there are even some churches that will do that for free.

 

In the meantime, if he is getting his.. get yours. (with a handy little.. yeah)

 

It is probably really stessful on your family with the transition of him being gone, then back.. and it was far from an ideal circumstance. But just hang in there and really try to make it work.

 

You'll get through this, and either way, things will work out in the end.

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brownie:

 

Sorry that you're having to deal with these issues. You're putting up with a lot that you shouldn't have to put up with. Him not being receptive to working out your problems is a huge issue. How will things ever improve if only one of you is willing to improve it?

 

It seems like you've done everything but leave to get his attention. He clearly doesn't get it that he's not meeting you halfway on any issue. Getting away from him for awhile will do a couple of things....it'll either make him get it or it won't, and it'll also help you to realize if you want to keep working to make things work with him, or if you're better off without him.

 

You can't change him if he doesn't want to change himself. Does he have the potential to be the man you want him to be, or are you trying to force a square peg through a round hole?

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thanks for the advice guys, at this point Im not sure the has the potential, he wont get help, wont go to a couselor wont, seek therapy, I am emotionally tired, but at that same time leaving and having him be like ok bye, have fun again when he went to jail I was alone with the baby I suffer from MS and cronic pain due to a mayor car accident, so last time when he went to jail all his fault all of it, i was left to take care of an infant, my self and my life, it was so hard and he does not see it this way because i lived with is mom he sees it like it was a cake walk but it was so so awful.

he always gets it easy his parents are well financially so he never had to worry about that mommy always bails him form trouble and I dont ever pressure him for much, so me walkina away and him saying WOW awsome, im alone and so great and I dont need you its such a hard thing to even think about.

I love my son, he is so cute! but life again as a sigle mom is terrefing, being shut down is so scary.

 

its hard not to feel like im not good enoght when all this things are happening with us, its hard not to feel like im going to just blow up and when I do freak out he calls me names and tells me its all my fault, leaves for 2 days or so then comes home and ingnore me for weeks but he * * * * s up it all has to be forgotten like the jail thing.

 

I just dont know what to do, i feel like it would sin and fail epic! if i just give up and at the same time im so so tired

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