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Feeling like you're plain looking/general rant


WorkingInLin

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Does anybody else feel this way? I think I'm very plain looking, or average at best. I'm working on building up a body, so that at least I'll have a hot body, but I'll still be stuck with this god awful face. I also wear glasses, which hide my best feature (my eyes), and make me feel unattractive (but at the same time, I have dry eyes, so I can't wear contacts, and I'm uneligable for the surgery, so I'm stuck with glasses.)

 

At the same time, I don't see a pretty girl being attracted to a skinny nerd with glasses. It doesn't help that I have no experience with relationships, so I'm always awkward when it comes to the opposite sex. And I can't help but think that other guys, who are more handsome and much more experienced with relationships/sexually would get the girl, and I'm still be stuck at home feeling lonely, like I have for the past 12 years.

 

I know I have to get past this, but it doesn't help that there's a catch-22 when it comes to relationships and experience. If you don't have it, you can't get it because nobody wants to take a chance on you.

 

Sorry for posting this. I guess I just feel depressed right now and want to rant.

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I think glasses can look extremely sexy, although there are certain styles of frames that are more flattering than others.

Look around at people and couples, most are just average, that's why it's called average!

As I've gotten older I am learning that ultimately personality is far more important than appearance, it really is. Just be clean, wear your hair in a style that suits you and work on your body if you want but don't give up just because you don't look like James Franco.

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-- If you don't have it, you can't get it because nobody wants to take a chance on you. --

 

Here's a classic mistake. Cart before the horse, anyone?

 

Females don't look at a guy they're interacting with and say A-ha, my metahuman loser sensors have picked up on his secrets; he's only had one lover and two girlfriends and neither of them were impressed with his capabilities - one more second and I'll have tabulated his sexual performance rating on a scale of 1 to 10. That's absurd.

 

Females, like males, do have a method of attempting to tell [sort of] what you're describing. It's just that it isn't accurate unless you make it.

 

They don't look for whether or not you've gotten lucky or had relationships in the past; they look for signs in you that they consider instinctively to be indicators that you're a good choice as a mate and provider and emotional care-giver, and assume that if they are seeing these things in you that you are worthy of being their mate, provider, and emotional care-giver, and hence also feel that you would be a good one in general, and hence likely have had your share in the past [not that your past success is of any importance to them, this is in itself a misconception].

 

What signs do they seek? Differs by female, but suffice to say, you need to balls-up and be confident and outgoing "self-assured" and such. No, you don't actually have to become these things; putting forth the image will get you the first impression you need, and as long as you can hold it together long enough to get them comfy with you, you'll find you've gotten comfy enough with them that you can start poking your more modest self into the situation without scaring them away. It always helps to actually work toward being a more confident, positive person, but you'll learn to get there once you get an idea of where "there" is.

 

Now, by comparison, what is it that you're doing now that is setting off their "oh no" sensors and telling them that you 'don't got it and never had it'? Mostly, it comes back to that confidence thing. If life throws you a curve ball and you strike out all three times on one pitch, that's pretty bad. If life throws you lemons and you burst into tears, no one's gonna' consider you worth their time. In interpersonal relationships, this is seen through different, more subtle examples, but it gives the same feelings of 'ick'. The "I don't think I'm attractive and hence have already decided that girls will stay away from me" comes through in your actions, behavioral patterns, speech, words, intonations, decisions, mannerisms, body-language, etc, and it all says "Stay away, I'm not confident or self-assured or any of those things that make me seem able to provide for you as a mate and hence please move along..." End of story. Looks only get their attention; they don't keep them.

 

Like so many of my long-winded posts, I see myself in you, and want to offer what I've stumbled upon in the hopes that it's an answer to many who suffer from this. I'm still the same person I always was for looks. I solved the "repulse the ladies" syndrome long before I lost the glasses, figured out how to dress, etc. I could have lost the glasses, dropped the pounds, upped the muscles and still been in the same boat as you're describing had I not simply changed my thinking and behavioral patterns.

 

Instead of pounding whey shakes, buying a Corvette and getting new eyeballs, try sitting down and doing some serious reading on cognitive distortions, self-talk, self-confidence issues, shyness, and so on. There's got to be tons of stuff out there on the internet. If not, there will be at a library [although they don't use Google to search their indexes].

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Incorporate a style that compliments you as dress. Your tone, your size, whatever.. Thin guys, fat guys, mid-size guys can still be attractive. And honestly it's not so much the face as it is having a style and swag.

 

I consider myself average looking, but my personality is out of this world. Sometimes I have trouble reeling in women. But a good 90% of women I've met can tell you that although things may not have worked out, they didn't regret getting to know me.

 

At the end of the day, you don't need a fist full of phone numbers if you only plan on marrying and settling down with one.

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Admittedly it would be nice to just pay a whole bunch of money to become a hot guy but even if you could your personality would still matter. Not all girls are into skinny guys, that's just a fact of dating; but you stand a better chance if you look fun to be around, interesting, approachable, etc. Working out is good though it will give you some confidence. Not so much with confidence in your body, but that confidence will be show when people see you.

 

Kudos to gidget, I wish I could find more girls into skinny, nerdy types where I'm at.

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