Ex as bestfriends

[AJEDrew7]

Me and my girlfriend just recently broke up. We're both from the same location at home, but we go to school long distance. We were only together 2 months during the summer before we went away. I put my heart and soul into the relationship and fell deeply in love with her and still am in love with her. She loved/loves me too. We made it 7 months till now. But, the distance made me be nosy about a guy who liked her. She felt "suffocated" by it. Coupled with distance and not wanting a serious relationship, our relationship ended. I'm taking the breakup really hard. Since its ended 2+ weeks ago, she's already hooked up with a random guy she had hooked up with once in the past. She lied to me about it and told me he tried to kiss her and she ran away so she didn't hurt me. I found the truth out from her eventually. It kills me this happened, I don't get how she would get over me so fast. But, she says she really cares about me still and wants to be best friends as long as I can not act like we're together anymore. She doesn't want me to be upset about our break up anymore and wants me to be happy and have fun. I really feel like she's the one and she means the world to me and I want to keep her as an important part of my life. During our break up, she told me she wishes she met me 3 yrs down the road when she comes back home permanently from school. She also says that she sees us together in the future. But for right now, she doesn't want me to think about that. She just wants me to concentrate on being friends, figuring my life out, and not think about being in a relationship with her. Not only that, but she really cares what I tell my parents and family what happened. Also, she talks to my best friend regularly about me and asks him to make sure I'm happy (as well as just normal conversation) Its so hard for me not to want to be, but I'm willing to try and fight through the pain because I love her that much. I need advice on how to make it through the situation, and if you think there's a reason she wants to keep me as an important part of her life (I really have been nothing but a nice, kind, loving, caring boyfriend besides "suffocating" her and think she's just not ready right now to commit especially with the distance and how young we are (20 years old)) On top of this, she isn't interested in being in a relationship anytime soon and wants to just be single for the rest of her college career. What are your thoughts about ex as best friends in general, advice about staying close and if I should fight through this and how to cope with a broken heart while she's still a big part of my life.

 

Thanks ahead of time

[Vince99]

She wants to have her cake and eat it to, and keep you on some sort of back burner for later in case she gets afraid she's going to be alone.

 

Don't be friends with a woman you're attracted to. You're going to be in constant pain.

[RideOn]

You mentioned that she has already hooked up just two weeks after you broke up. Is this with the guy that you were supicious of? It's a little odd that she did this so soon. It makes me wonder if she had her sights on someone else while she was with you. Vinceval hit the nail on the head about you being put on the backburner. All I can say to you is hang in there. I'm going through something a little similiar like you as well and it really hurts. That's why I came here to this site to get advice and cope. Good luck to you!

[HeartGoesOn]

I think she's being honest with you, and she knows that a long distance relationship would be hard on both of you.

 

All you can really do accept her decision, and who knows what the future holds.

 

Sorry, I wish I had more answers for you.

 

Take care...

[AJEDrew7]

Thanks for the replies.

 

What I'm thinking right now is that she wants me around because she really cares and that she sees me as someone she'd want to be with in the future. (Because why else would she say those things and keep me around?)

[AJEDrew7]

Can anyone else help me out here? It would be greatly appreciated.

[nem69]

I have come accross a girl similar to this in the states. She was single minded in her purpose and that was to finish her degree and get the job she wanted then she would consider a relationship. In fact my mate and her ended up being best friends after they broke up. So it can work, depends on the reasons.

[dmhoff]

Can anyone else help me out here? It would be greatly appreciated.

 

I'm new here, so I'm not sure if I put this quote in here right but I'm in the exact place as you are only I'm quite a bit older

I can't help but to think that my guy wants to stay just 'best friends' because he doesn't want to hurt me anymore than 'breaking up' has. I gave and gave to him...not money, but my heart, soul, everything! I too was too suspicious, and that's what caused his last 'I need to be by myself' stuff. Yes, I was totally wrong in following his activity on You Tube, but we were talking on the phone one day when he wanted to show me some spiritual stuff on You Tube. Well, I asked him if he had joined himself, or used my user name (which he would do before). He came up with this BS line (cause he knew he was busted) saying he couldn't get mine to work so he joined himself. Well, I asked him for his user name so we could share video's with each other (he knew as well as I did that I'd see what he didn't want me to see).

See, he's addicted to porn online. I know his addict acts for itself, but I was working on recovery with him and he was doing so well! Then we had a situation where we thought we weren't going to be able to hear from each other anymore, and that's when he joined You Tube. The other night when we were on there together and he told me his user name, he told me he had just signed up a few days ago. Well, it was two weeks ago that he signed up, not a few days. When I clicked on his name to add me to his channel, I was shocked to see that he had watched nearly 1000 videos in that short span of two weeks!!

It's funny (in a sick way), after writing this here, I SEE how suffocating I am!! I knew I was, but it just makes it worse seeing it in print! But see, the reason I became suspicious was because after our situation where we didn't think we could talk anymore, he said he could talk at certain times, where he was 'at his best' (he drinks quite a bit in the evenings), but we wouldn't be able to talk in the evenings. Well, at first I was ok with it, but then he started calling me in the evenings, but saying he was SO tired and needed to go to bed, even though it was only 7:30pm. Turns out, he hung up with me so he could satisfy his addiction on the PC.

Anyway, I text him yesterday saying I love him dearly, but he was 'crowding me out' with his addiction, and that when he wanted to be honest with me again, and respect me, then call me. Well, he totally BLEW up for me saying that, and told me that I was a 'spy' and that he was better off alone, so he was saying goodbye.

He ended up calming down and saying that I was right. He's always wanted me to 'monitor' him, and ask him questions so he can work on his addiction, and he knew that I only did all that because I love him.

Holy cow! I'm sorry!!! I went on and on about my situation!

My bottom line is, I KNOW he's just saying he wants to be best friends forever because he doesn't want to hurt me anymore than just being 'best friends' instead of a 'couple' has.

He's a very loving and caring man, but he is SOOO not good for me! My analogy is this; I'm hanging on to the very end of a rope. He's in control of this rope, having a full grip. Yet I'm hanging on by one thread. He doesn't pull me up any further, just lets me hang there. I don't have the power to climb any higher, but I have the power to let go and move on. If I keep hanging on to the end of the rope, I'm giving him all the power of 'me'. He walks around happy as can be, not a care in the world. When he 'wants' his friend, he looks down the rope and says a pleasant hello, otherwise, I'm just hanging there waiting for him to look down and 'talk' to me. If I weren't so afraid (and I have NO IDEA why I'm afraid) I'd take my pride and let go of this rope that I let him so powerfully control! I know that's what I HAVE to do, but I'm afraid of the pain! He'd have no pain what so ever, it's all just me.

I did the no contact for 2 and a half days, but that's all my heart could take. I text him before the third day was over saying if he ever needs me, I'm here. He text back saying he misses me, and that was all it took for me to grab hold of his rope again!

Sick,sick,sick!

I'm so sorry for going on like I did! It just came out! If anyone here can give me some strength to let go of my end of the rope, I'd really appreciate it!

Right now I'm in a very anxious mood because he told me last night that he was going to call me EARLY this morning. It's almost 11:30am and he hasn't called yet! He hasn't looked down at the end of his rope yet to give me a 'hello'. Oh the control I give him!!! Makes me sick!!

Dana