how are you doing proactively using that anger/sadness to move ahead/heal?

[canali]

how are you doing proactively using that anger/sadness to move ahead/heal?

 

just wondering what everyone is doing with that at times volatile cauldron of emotions (and energy, too!).

 

pls share as at the very least it will offer ideas and some inspiration.

 

pls state, too, how long in the process you are.

[StillConfused]

I take a long bath... paint my nails... take a 4 mile walk.. Talk on the phone to my friends. I have been in this process for 6 weeks now. Some days it helps and some days it doesn't work as well. Those are the days I come home from work and take a little nap..

[Aeryn]

I'm 24 days into the breakup, 10 days into NC. Almost a full month since he ended it...and for some reason it seems that it has gone by pretty quickly for the most part.

 

Anyways, I tend to get in my car and just drive. It wastes gas, but it helps me think clearly and feel better most of the time. I, obviously, spend my fair share of time studying...I'm taking 19 hours in college, and I can't afford to flunk out over this.

 

I spend quite a bit of time on here, browsing and posting, because I find a lot of helpful advice.

 

I also go to the local Sonic Drive-In each day between 2-3 in the afternoon, because there's this really attractive and sweet guy that works down there. I want my ex back--but why can't I see some nice lookin' guys?

[ratfreak]

It's been 6 weeks for me.

It also seems like it's gone by fast although each day sometimes just drags on.

 

Work is hard but afterwards, I hang out with friends if they're free maybe 2 or 3 nights a week and the rest either stay in, window shop or go for a drive. Driving is wasteful of gas but it helps me so... and you also never know where it will take you.

 

I've started looking for another job to make some extra cash and I'm planning a trip in August to Iceland to give me something to look forward to.

 

I feel like I should be going out more and doing things but I just don't know what and it's no fun to go to some places on your own.

[cl76]

how are you doing proactively using that anger/sadness to move ahead/heal?

 

just wondering what everyone is doing with that at times volatile cauldron of emotions (and energy, too!).

 

pls share as at the very least it will offer ideas and some inspiration.

 

pls state, too, how long in the process you are.

 

Let me tell you what I am doing to heal. Break up was 4 weeks ago. NC started 3 weeks ago. Now since then:

 

I started exercising 9 times a week - 3x running, 3x weights sessions, 2x competitive tennis matches, 1x swimming.

 

I stopped drinking everything except WATER. I cut my meals right down into small portions of healthy meals, eating 6-7 times a day every 2-3 hours, NO JUNK FOOD at all. I have lost 6kgs in 3 weeks.

 

I started reading new books, a novel my ex used to read and a book about relationships.

 

I got my teeth fixed and had got a haircut.

 

I booked myself a holiday to a coastal resort to celebrate 5 weeks of NC.

 

I threw out all my old clothes and bought a new wardrobe. Shoes included.

 

I started posting on ENA to enlighten myself.

 

I got out all my feelings on paper to prevent myself from bottling them up.

 

I've started dating again.

 

I paid back my ex money ($1500) via acc xfer, I owed her despite her saying she didnt care about it. Yeh right... I am a man of principle and integrity and wont let that slide.

 

I kicked the bad habits that was holding me back from having a good relationship with my ex - I was addicted to playing Warcraft.

 

I am essentially getting my life back together. The break up was just the motivation I needed to make myself a better man. I would be damned if I was gonna let it get me down.

[90_hour_sleep]

it's been 3 months for me. not sure where the time went. i feel okay most days. lying in bed is the hardest part for me. when you fall asleep with someone for 5 years...it's a little tough to get past that empty feeling beside you. i've spent a lot of time figuring out my own personal problems. i've talked with anyone and everyone who would listen. i've been trying to get different perspectives. i find that helps. i don't so much have feelings of anger. i suppose i could be angry with myself...but that doesn't help. self-forgiveness is key for me. i try to embrace the sadness when it comes. i want to know exactly what it feels like. i find it helps me to be honest when i really feel it. it feels good to know that i'm moving in a positive direction again.

[IBelieve]

After the breakup 6 months ago, I immediately started practicing the guitar and exercising heavily. Winter kicked in and I wasn't able to go jogging as much as I would have liked but now that spring has arrived... bwahahaha. I haven't been this fit in a looong time.

[LemonCheesecak]

2 months into the breakup, third attempt at NC (third time lucky, eh?). Gave up on the hope of ever getting back together weeks ago, so now I'm trying to let myself move on as naturally as possible.

 

Had a haircut, stopped drinking coffee, soft drinks and in the process of cutting out alcohol altogether. Strictly a tea drinker now.

 

This week sees the beginning of a brand new exercise regime, wanting to lose a few pounds but just generally so I feel more awake and invigorated throughout the day.

 

Biggest help though has been writing. Anytime I feel the emotions building up too strongly, I open up my notebook and let it all out in a lyrical format. I often come back later, tidy a few bits up, change some bits I don't like, and the plan is to work these into various musical pieces over the course of the summer (or as soon as I can afford a new guitar

[viajera]

I've mostly been throwing myself into my work, which has been keeping me really busy. I want to start exercising more, and I did get a run in yesterday, but work has kept me so busy I haven't been able to find time yet. That and it's been too dang hot to run when I have had time.

 

I also took a long weekend last week and spent 4 wonderfully recuperative days at the beach. If you can afford the time and money, I strongly recommend getting away to somewhere where you have no memories with the ex. Even for a day.

 

Someone mentioned going to Sonic to look at the cute boy - I've been doing a bit of "window shopping" and flirting myself, but nothing more than that. I have to be really careful with it, because lots of guys here take the slightest bit of interest too seriously; hence the guy who groped me when I accepted his offer of (what I thought was) a friendly drink. I'm also not ready for anything even remotely resembling a relationship. But I do both want and need local friends, and the flare of attraction and the validation/ego boost is nice.

[viajera]

Oh, and I forgot to mention but we split up at the end of Feb, so ~5 weeks ago

[allinmyhead]

I'm a month into it and having more good days than bad now. But the bad ones are really bad so I think I'm letting my emotions go more than I used to. That's a good thing I hear.

 

2 weeks ago started going to the gym everyday. Getting addicted to that runner's high.

 

Joined Meet In to socialize more and try things I would never have before. Almost have to force myself to go but it's been worth it every time.

 

Writing in my journal everyday to get out those ever present what ifs and I wishes. It helps and going back to just last week I can see the difference in my thought process.

 

Getting acupuncture regularly. Got on meds. Seeing a therapist. And talking to anyone who will listen to get their perspective on life and relationships.

 

And of course reading all the posts here helps so I know that I am truly not alone in this hell on earth.