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boarderboy

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Me and my girlfriend are in a long distance relationship. We see each other once every month for a few days, we really care about each other and apart from what i am about to say its been going pretty well.

 

A few months ago i found these texts on her phone from a guy friend of hers, like really flirty, inappropriate things, quite sexual texts. I hit her up about it and we had a big fight, she said he's like that to everyone, she doesn't reciprocate and he's just got a really dirty sense of humour. It was left at that. Even when i said i wanted her to tell him to quit saying and sending stuff like that she refused saying it was innocent and she would sound stupid. I found it pretty disrespectful. I dont want other guys sending my gf stuff like that. She would flip if i had texts like that on my phone.

 

They are close friends, and have been way before i came along. Then a few days ago she went out with her friends including him. Photos appear on facebook of their night out, and in every second photo, she's got her arm around him or draped around his neck. These are only what show up on fb, who knows what else right?

 

I don't like this at all. But i cant say anything about it because she'll tell me im too possessive and jealous etc etc. They text all the time, she has guy friends she stays up late chatting to on msn whom have asked her out in the past.

 

Am I being paranoid, or unreasonable in not being ok with this? Advice?

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I don't think your concerns are unreasonable. I say you talk to her about it...if she just say's your being a too possessive/jealous...and doesn't care about how you feel...then get rid of her.

 

I have no problems with gf''s having guy friends....spending all their time with them/sexual text messages/constant flirting/staying up late to talk to are a diff story though.

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I'm not saying constant flirting, just occasional. And she doesn't spend all her time with them, just goes out on the weekends. As i said its long distance so i'm not around most of the time. I dont wanna just get rid of her either... we've been together a year

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A relationship is a two way street--if you're uncomfortable with something, then she needs to acknowledge it and reassure you, not blow you off and convince you that you're being paranoid. You have a great point when you say that if you had similar texts or photos with girl friends of yours, it wouldn't be okay with her. She really needs to address that double-standard and validate your feelings.

 

That said, I don't think it's too uncommon for close friends to have senses of humor like what you describe, although it's clear why it would make you uncomfortable. Has she given you any reasons not to trust her when she says it's innocent?

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I have to agree. Talking to guy friends is one thing, but flirting with them and sending intimate messages is something else.

 

In the end it comes down to: is she spending more of her time giving them attention or giving you attention? If she is serious about your relationship then she will learn to cool it with her guys friends and respect your feelings.

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No she hasn't given me any reason to believe they aren't innocent. I just took it at face value. They were received messages not sent ones, they were all deleted so i need to assume she's being honest about not sending them back. I was with a girl before her, and discovered she had been cheating on me by when i found texts on her phone like that. She managed to convince me they were nothing and hadn't been sending them back... so i stayed with her and a few months down the track found out she lied and she had been cheating on me the whole time. So i got burned then, and i'm sure it probably stems from that experience.

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You guys need to have the boundries talk. TALK, not argument. You might need to compramise or trust her in some mildly uncomfortable situations as will she. But overall you need to be able to be comfortable with the kind of friendships she has with her guy friends.

 

As a gf, she should (if she has any committment to you) she will be able to compramise and understand your position.

 

If she refuses to listen and understand your fears you have no choice you accept her flirtyness or you leave. There is no more inbetween at that point.

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What To Do If They Cheat - Do this ...
What To Do If They Cheat - Do this First

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