Choice between committed relationship and seduction of multiple women

[TooFoolToHope]

I would just like to understand the reasoning why man has difficulties to select between different lifestyles; a) committed, "normal", relationship and b) life where he might be single or he might have "not that important spouse" so that he could get satisfaction from seducing other women - manipulating and playing mind games with them so that he would know that they would be available and hooked up, and when this happens, he would loose his interest on them.

 

I find myself quite normal person so I cannot really understand why someone could have any difficulties to make this choice (man about his fourties) - can someone just be so addicted to this kind of behaviour to get womens attention and to be able to hook them up that they could not live without it?

 

Is this kind of behaviour related to commitment phobe or is this just very weird personal issue?

[rocio]

Its just a different lifestyle choice. Some women also prefer to date casually.

 

I myself only did the casual dating until I had my first serious boyfriend at the age of 24. I met some really special people during that time. Even if we didn't get married and live happily ever after, they enriched my life and we learned from each other.

 

I always felt that having a boyfriend just for the sake of having a boyfriend was incredibly boring and stifling.

 

Now, if you're asking why people lie, cheat and deliberately hurt others, I have no answers.

[Ms Darcy]

I think you might be setting up a false choice here. There are actually many many choices people (both men and women) have: committed relationships, exploratory dating, open relationships, common law partnerships, on again off again relationships, complicated situations, love 'em and leave 'em attitudes, marriage etc.

 

If someone continually engages in unhealthy relationships, this is often due to their own fears of commitment. But, honestly, sometimes a person isn't a commitmentphobe ... sometimes you are just not what the person wants. It's hard and it hurts, but it's true.

[xonicolemarie]

meh, some people get bored easily?

 

I heard that some people(men, and women) do this because they miss the "honeymoon stage"...they dont want to go past that..they want to live in the moment, and always ahve that butterfly feeling in their gut...they like to explore....

 

..i dont necessarily think that thats a BAD thing, i personally wouldnt do it, but you cant call them a bad person, unless they lied to a partner and said tehy wanted long term and then splits later

[TooFoolToHope]

Thanks for replies. What still wonders me that how one person can get that much satisfaction from this kind of action where he (/she) plays and manipulates women (/men) with false hopes and when he gets them hooked, he push them from him and when he "feels like it", pulls them back with false hopes and manipulation.

 

I can understand that many persons like to date several persons and not to commit to one person, but how satisfaction from this kind of manipulative "seduction" of women can be so much that person cannot just stop it.

 

I might be really naive but this is not my kind of behaviour and that's why I'm wondering how "sick" person gets "kicks" from this kind of behaviour - where the goal is really by manipulating to get women committed and then push & pull them like he wishes. Is this related even some sort of addiction, that this person "gets high" when he achieves his "goal" (=Woman hooked up) so that he needs this drug more and more...?

[rocio]

I've known men like that. Never dated them, thankfully, but known of their behavior.

 

There is justice in it all. Eventually they meet someone even crazier than they are. I have a "friend" from school who was playing around behind his wife's back. When he finally impregnated a golddigger, who refused to abort until the last minute (literally, she was 5 months pregnant), it was funny to watch him panic. Unfortunately, he's still back to his old ways. I just feel really, really bad for his wife and new son. But I know he'll get what he gives, and then some.

[hexaemeron]

I guess for me, I'm someone who has always had a very clear separation between what love and sex are. They have occasionally (but always temporarily) overlapped.

 

Sex is whatever I want it to be: exercise, stress relief, a game of conquest, an exploration of my deepest, darkest and most craven impulse desires and on those times where it overlaps with love, showing affection.

 

Love for me is building a life with someone. Sharing a home, finances, travel, entertainment. A partner in crime situation, if you will.

 

I realize that I am in the minority here, but I've always just felt that one person at a time sexually would never be enough for me. I get bored and I need to change things, grab the snow globe and shake it up. It's not for everyone, but it feels right to me.

[enchanted771]

Its just a different lifestyle choice. Some women also prefer to date casually.

 

I myself only did the casual dating until I had my first serious boyfriend at the age of 24. I met some really special people during that time. Even if we didn't get married and live happily ever after, they enriched my life and we learned from each other.

 

I always felt that having a boyfriend just for the sake of having a boyfriend was incredibly boring and stifling.

 

Now, if you're asking why people lie, cheat and deliberately hurt others, I have no answers.

 

 

Well, when I got divorced I didnt want to jump into a relationship. Especially, since it might not be a person worthy of having a relationship with me. Anyways, did the casual dating thing, had some nice dates. Then was talking to two men, and one of then outweighted the other one, so i had to make the choice. Still in the beginning stages of the relationship, but after being single for a few months realized being single isnt what its cracked up to me, and dont enjoy the single life too much. I like going out with friends, but not the dating aspect. I guess I am in the minority! LOL