How can I be Assertive?

[SoMuchLove]

What does it mean to be assertive? I want to be more confidenly aggressive but I don't know any examples of what someone who is that way would say or behave.

 

I'm getting it mixed up with being mean or cocky. Is it more about the tone of voice you use when making a point?

 

Any info will be much appreciated

[Seko]

Being assertive is different from being cocky, mean, or confident...although confident people find it easier, generally, to be assertive.

 

Being assertive is basically just putting yourself out there. You don't have to be forceful, mean, angry, or cocky about it. But you do need to take action. A lot of people hold themselves back because of fear of how they will come off, fear of rejection, etc....but like Nike says, just do it! What's the worst that could happen in 90% of scenarios?

 

Personally, I have found that practice makes perfect. When I was younger, I used to blush something fierce any time I had to say anything in front of people. The more I did it, the better the blushing got. However, I was still shy outside of the classroom/work environment. When I was older, I got a job working with people. A few years down the line, I would describe myself as pretty outgoing. Sometimes I make a fool of myself, but most of the time, once you've jumped into the situation, you just kind of work from there. Once you realize it's not so bad, you get over your fears

[Di_ya2009]

There's aggressive and there's assertive. Aggresive can be rude and mean but assertive is standing up for yourself and your rights without the intention of hurting someone else. It's learning to say No when you need to, and knowing to stand up for your rights without being rude. For example: If someone always tries to put thier workload on to you, you need to be able to say "I have my papers to finish, I can't take on anymore." Remember to always use "I"

 

I learned about assertive speaking and the trainer also said if you can't do something simply state no without explaining yourself because that leaves room for the other person to question your reasons. Or give a brief explanation. Ex. Can you come to the party tomorrow" Simply say "No" or No, I need to work on a paper. compared to "No, I am sorry but it's just that I have a paper to work on and I know if I come I won't have time" then the person may say , oh why don't you work on today so you can come ...and you'll have to continue defending yourself.

 

I don't know if that's the best example. But search online as well, you will find useful materials.

 

It requires continuous practice.

 

Good Luck

 

I have a problem with being assertive myself at times and people just start using you.