great girl...Why am I not happy?

[jsudz2430]

So I've been with my girlfriend for a little over 15 months now. Over the past month or so, I have really started to feel different about everything. I am 18 and she is 17, we met and clicked right away. Our relationship has been very good with a few bumps along the way. She hasn't really changed at all, and I didnt think that I was going to either.

 

but, Lately I have been thinking more and more what it would be like with someone different, there are a lot of little things that make me believe that we probably won't make it together. She is very much in love with me and would do anything for me. She always wants to spend time with me, and her family is great and likes me, but for some reason, lately I have just not been happy.

 

 

I think right now what I want to do is be single and enjoy my youth while I still have it, mainly because I've been working since I was young and because of that haven't dated much. But she is very in love with me and I have told her that I feel different about our relationship, and that I would try my best to try and make it work, but cannot promise anything. I really like this girl and I know that if I stay with her, she'll most likely always be there for me. But I just can't let myself be happy, I'm not sure what to do, if I break it off she will be devasted, but if I don't then our relationship won't have much substance, other than i'm with her to make her happy.

[ponyboy]

This is normal behavior for someone your age, you have to do what feels right for you. But if she really is a great girl then its probably best to stick with it, you can still have guys night out and have fun while being in a relationship. As a matter of fact its almost better that way because at the end of the day you always have someone to come home to and thats a great feeling.

 

But if you believe shes into to you waaaaaaay more than you into her than this wont last long anyway, because you'll probably start taking her for granted.

[8amallday]

heh, seriously, i think you need to get over it.

you like this girl, yeah?

seriously man, playing the field, having sex with other people.....its not all its cracked up to be.

gotta worry about all sorts of things.

everyone gets the urge to just be single and free, but maybe you should just reform the relationship you have now so you have more time to yourself/friends/fun without the girlfriend.

 

but i mean, if you really arent in love with this girl anymore, stop stringing her along.

[jsudz2430]

I wasn't getting into the sleeping around, lol Just meeting new people. She's a very insecure person, and shy. We never go out with any of her friends, over the entire time we went bowling with her friends twice. Last weekend I told her I wanted to sleep in and she texted me 7 times til I woke up and answered. There are quite a few small things like these that make me second guess it very much. She's pretty spoiled and ungrateful where as I'll take whatever I can get and deal. I'm just not sure some of these things can be worked out, I mean you can't change someones personality...right?

[90_hour_sleep]

love is tough. sounds like you've been honest with her to this point about the fact that you're unsure about the relationship. i remember a relationship when i was about the same age. i felt the same way you're feeling. i didn't feel like i was in love. nothing settled the feeling of wondering what else was out there. i didn't break up with her...and as a result the relationship suffered. her feelings eventually changed as she grew to realize that i was never going to be the right person for her. i think it hurt more in the end...for both of us. there was definitely a loss of respect on her side. she wondered why i hadn't ended it sooner. she admitted that it would've crushed her...but in the end it still crushed her. it'll never get any easier...that's one thing i know for sure. you'll grow to resent each other if you let it drag out. it takes a lot of courage to break someone's heart...but she'll respect you more in the long-run for letting her go. be honest about why you're leaving though.

 

that being said...it might be worthwhile to check out some of the ''grass is greener syndrome'' threads. it gives a little bit of a different perspective on what you're feeling.

 

good luck.

[ScorpiGal83]

Don't stay with someone for fear you won't find someone that will be as good or even better. There ARE better people out there for you. If you're not feeling it, end it. It's not fair to her either if you string her along.

[mentee]

it's one thing to be with someone who you think is the best for you but also have the urge to see what else is out there ("grass is greener" syndrome) .. usually i'd recommend that the person try to make the relationship work while figuring out how he can still grow as a person and live life to the fullest without having to break off the relationship .. and like someone said earlier, breaking it off with someone right for you just to screw around with a few hot chicks may leave you with a lot of regret ...

 

however in this case, looks like you don't think this girl is right for you .. whether you met her at 18 or 28 ... you say she's insecure and needy .. shy and essentially not fun? ... you need to have a discussion with her and if she isn't looking to change, then you have a right to seek your own happiness elsewhere ..

[jsudz2430]

well said mentee....that is a big reason. I am 18 and I haven't had a lot of chances to just go out and have fun. I have worked a lot since I was like 15 and she is content with just sitting at home doing nothing, as long as i'm there. It would be nice to date, not to screw hot chicks but to date for fun and to meet friends and new people. I just don''t know whether or not it's the right choice.

[pinkrobot]

I wasn't getting into the sleeping around, lol Just meeting new people. She's a very insecure person, and shy. We never go out with any of her friends, over the entire time we went bowling with her friends twice. Last weekend I told her I wanted to sleep in and she texted me 7 times til I woke up and answered. There are quite a few small things like these that make me second guess it very much. She's pretty spoiled and ungrateful where as I'll take whatever I can get and deal. I'm just not sure some of these things can be worked out, I mean you can't change someones personality...right?

 

Let me get this straight...in your initial post you did nothing but mention how amazing she is, yet here all you do is list negative things that really bother you about her. So where do you stand on this relationship, exactly?

 

The decision is ultimately up to you, but I agree with those who have told you to stick it out and try to make it work. But if you really don't see yourself staying with her, then get it over with now rather than later. The longer you stay and get her hopes up, the worse it'll hurt her in the end. And it's not fair that she has to wait around for you to make up your mind.

[offplanet]

You're only 18. !8 is too young to settle for someone who youre not really happy with, just from guilt or fear of devastating her. You were honest with her, which is really commendable. You couldnt do more than that. Please listen to your gut feeling, and break up now so you can experience a lot more before you ever settle down. !8 is way too young to feel you should settle down with one person, with whom at this early stage you don't feel right. I don't think people should be advising you to stick with it, see if you can make it work, etc. Goodness me, its not like you've been married 10 years or anything. Make the most of your youth. You have the right.

offplanet