Girls, is this article a good representation of what girls think of "nice guys?"

[Salucious]

***OK I don't know why the links aren't working....

 

I came accross this website: link removed

and this article in particular: link removed

 

link removed * * * * * link removed

 

 

Now in a lot of ways, I understand what this girl is explaining. But in some ways it is hard to understand. For example, she talks about a guy who has "lived life", I guess suggesting that he has experienced a lot, been adventurous , and has had experience with women. But what about the guys who didn't have the resources or support that those types of guys had? I think that guys who have a lot of confidence and that are good with meeting women had a different experience growing up. If you are around a lot of other guys who are good with women you can learn from them, and if you grew up being good at sports or being popular, those would also help with confidence.

 

I'm 24 and fit the "nice guy" persona. I actually have never been on a date or had a relationship. And the older I get, the more pathetic I feel for not having experienced meeting and have intimate contact with girls. After reading the article, all those feelings were intensified, and made me feel like I've been living in a coven or something all my life.

 

How do I gain the confidence and attitude that women find attractive when this is constantly in my mind?

 

there was a girl who hung out with my roommates and I last weekend; and she started talking about losing her virginity and how many guys she's been with; then asked my other roommates about their sex lives. When it came to me (virgin) she automatically said that she bet that I've never even kissed a girl (true). I sort of avoided the question, but had never been so embarrassed in my life. It made me feel so sheltered, like I was a a pre-pubescent teen; but I'm 24 and am in college. Now it is in my mind so much I've become more depressed than usual and have even less confidence and self-esteem.

[MushroomGod]

I would have said, "No wanna be the first?"

[COtuner]

Really really interesting article. (and major props for quoting Eric Hoffer at the end!!!).

 

I don't know how true it rings for anyone else, but there's bits of it that I find to be true. I myself fluctuate between a nice girl and a not-so-nice girl, so I have completely mixed up feelings when it comes to nice guys. And yeah, I can't date someone that I don't have that chemistry of attraction with Maybe someday that will change?

 

I am a nice girl when I'm in social events with strangers. When I'm with guys I'm more comfortable with, or in a situation that gives me more confidence, I cross more into being teasing, sarcastic, flirty, or busting chops. Guys that can't keep up with me or flounder tend to kind of fall off my radar.

 

On the other hand, I have rarely dated anyone such as the author describes - the guy that's lived the way I have or even more so. I do find myself attracted to the race car drivers, the hockey players, the pilots, the military officers, etc etc. It brings out a side of me that doesn't get to come out and play very often.

 

on the other hand, as I grow older, I want someone more like me. I want the race car driver / athlete/ whatever who is also a nice guy at the end of the day. Because I'm a mix of both types of women, I need a mix of both types of men. I've only had relationships with guys who came off as nice guys and turned out to be jerks when the chips were down. "D. None of the Above" The guys I was attracted to when younger and more confident? Not nice guys, I will admit. Mostly jerks as I look back on them.

 

Doesn't really answer your question, I know.....

[COtuner]

Salucious.... first off, don't apply the article one for one directly to yourself. Remember, it all depends on each individual guy and girl. I would feel VERY uncomfortable dating someone who was a bungee jumper or daredevil out of bounds skiier or something. I like guys who have experience about the level that I've had. There's a shared bond of challenging life a bit.

 

A guy I work with used to race 900cc sportbikes. He's quite attractive. But hypothetically were he single, I would have been a bit uncomfortable with him because that's a risk level I don't feel I ever took in a car. See what I mean? You don't have to go out and be superman unless you want superwoman.

 

What makes you happy and excited? What kinds of things would you honestly like to do in your life? Play an instrument well? Write a book? Play flag football? Be the CEO? Those are all experiences in life. If you pursue something that leads you in directions you weren't expecting, then you have LIVED. Whatever that something is. And I guarantee you that there are women out there who will respond and share their own experiences. And maybe you'll create new ones of your own.

[RideOn]

Women have considered me the "nice guy" as well. Which I do take as a compliment. Unfortunately it has caused me to be taken advantage of as well. The way I'm confident is that I know I treat women the way they should be treated. But I'm not confident in going up to a woman or asking them out. I will never attempt to be the "bad boy" because that just isn't me. I'm not going to pretend to be somebody I'm not. Even if that means missing out on having a good time and going out on dates.

 

That was pretty disrespectful of that girl to say that about you. Hopefully you will be able to get over that rude comment.

 

As for asking about the attitude that women want well I've been searching for that answer for a long, long time now. lol.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I'm a nice girl...but I'm an evil one too.

 

I always liked my guys to be good guys but with a dark side to them. I've never had a guy treat me badly nor have I ever dated a jerk. But, my guy has to be capable of standing up for himself, and me. He can't be afraid to tell someone off if they say something mean.

 

I have a dark side too, and I need someone who can mirror me.

 

I really don't know how to explain it.

 

Being the "nice" guy isn't bad at all. But, a lot of people, like me, like the darker side of people. Don't force yourself to be something you're not. But, try to push your boundaries of comfort and take risks. That might help.

[Lamour detruit]

You have to be yourself. That is the main thing that is important. The second thing is being balanced between being nice and standing up for yourself and showing your more dominant side.

 

I have noticed many either group themselves in the extremely nice group,or the assholes. I don't think you need to be either; I have a lot of love to share, I help when I can, I am not afraid to show a softer side, and I like to spoil my lady. That said, I also have a rougher and dominant side (I enjoy playing innocent, while keeping the darker side behind it), I am opinionated, and can be a bit of a pain in the ass at certain moments.

 

I look for balance in a woman as well, which is what it all comes down to.

[COtuner]

Nicely put DW, I'm right there with you. Guys don't like me as the nice girl, they really open up when I'm confident enough to bring out the darker side, but at the end of the day they are happy to know the nice girl is in there too because it means I'm not going to screw them over.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Nicely put DW, I'm right there with you. Guys don't like me as the nice girl, they really open up when I'm confident enough to bring out the darker side, but at the end of the day they are happy to know the nice girl is in there too because it means I'm not going to screw them over.

 

Well, I'm very much the nice girl. I used to get made fun of by my friends because I smiled to much in high school. Everyone thinks I'm so dang innocent.

 

I keep my darkside a secret. And, my boyfriend is the same way. It's nice to have that dynamic in our relationship. We help each other through depression, anger, and...frankly...darkness makes better sex.

 

It's something we really only share with each other.

[COtuner]

Mmmm I share it with my friends or close acquaintances, but they do too. It's what makes for good workplace bonding - my teams are usually pretty tight that way.

 

My darkside isn't that bad - I'm a good girl at heart (as people who read my posts know) - which is why I enjoy when I'm comfortable enough to be a little bad. I feel different.

[jenny_mcs]

 

Now in a lot of ways, I understand what this girl is explaining. But in some ways it is hard to understand. For example, she talks about a guy who has "lived life", I guess suggesting that he has experienced a lot, been adventurous , and has had experience with women. But what about the guys who didn't have the resources or support that those types of guys had?

 

 

You don't have to have climbed mountains or hiked accross Africa or slept w/ tons of women to have "lived life." I think a guy who has lived life is one who is interested and engaged in the world around him. Someone who finds their own life interesting, has hobbies and interests that excite him.

 

When I read threads about guys who have zero luck with women, very often the common denominator is that they seemed bored with themselves!

 

They'll be like "Yeah, I'm in school/have this job, it's OK. In my free time I watch some TV, every once in a while I'll see a movie or go for a walk. I don't really have any interests, I don't know, I surf the internet a lot. But I'm really nice and I don't understand why no girls like me."

 

It's like- in this whole wide world, not one single thing excites them or interests them a lot?

[dr_styles]

It's like- in this whole wide world, not one single thing excites them or interests them a lot?

 

The only problem I have with that (though I accept that is how society works so to speak) is that sort of thing is not a crime. It's not bad, or wrong in any moral (or any other) way.

Plus if you're the dateless, attraction-less person like me and from the words of it Salucious too, they don't even know what you've done in life.

 

0

I'm 24 and fit the "nice guy" persona. I actually have never been on a date or had a relationship. And the older I get, the more pathetic I feel for not having experienced meeting and have intimate contact with girls. After reading the article, all those feelings were intensified, and made me feel like I've been living in a coven or something all my life.

 

It made me feel so sheltered, like I was a a pre-pubescent teen; but I'm 24 and am in college. Now it is in my mind so much I've become more depressed than usual and have even less confidence and self-esteem.

 

*sigh* yep tell me about it. I wonder how much longer I can live with that. Going off the above point, the little "preferences" I've developed from my (over-protective/sheltered) upbringing, like not liking the drink/pub/club party scene, as perfectly reasonable as it is, just happens to be a fatal one for our age group.

[ProtestTheHero]

This is the type of bull * * * * mentality that would be absolutely laughable if not for the fact that people are actually taking it seriously. Everything is shades of gray. Yes, there are guys out there that make Mr. Rogers look hardcore. There are also jerks out there that will wreck your lives, but I think we as individuals are on a spectrum from jerk to nice. I know some nice guys with caustic humor that are incredibly relatable. I know some "jerks" who talk to their mom everyday (rofl), so to immediately throw down this line and place everyone on either side within a minute or so is beyond funny to me.

 

There are some things that I agree with, though. I'd much rather a girl not laugh at my joke if she didn't think it was funny and not feign interest in a topic if she thought it was boring, because then I will never have to question her authenticity. If/When we do connect, I won't question how into it she is. I won't have to ask myself whether or not she's more into the idea of being in a relationship than being with me because I already know she's headstrong enough that being single isn't a big deal.

 

Those types of females are not "threatening" or "intimidating" to me -- they are a preference. Then again, I meet so many that self-identify the way that this author has, and in the end many just turn out to be emotional burn victims from idiots -- they might appear to be caustic, but in fleeting, passing moments every now and then they ask for someone to save them. So, the whole thing at times is a little ironic, a little more than confusing...the only thing we really have control over is how we present ourselves, but if any male is threatened by a woman who isn't shoveling * * * * in his direction when he's making stupid jokes or is talking about his favorite type of cheese spread then I, as a male, am a little afraid for our gender.

 

I think she's guilty of as many misconceptions as "nice guys/jerks" though....thus the IRONY.

 

As far as how I'm perceived, lol....probably as a lunatic, but not in a good way.

[COtuner]

That was a nice post, Tyler. This article is definitely not the most clearheaded expression of thought - the woman is kind of jumping around and leaving herself an excuse for why she apparently prefers to get laid by jerks.

[JusticeLaw9]

I don't worry any longer about how I come accross to people as a nice guy or whether I am this or that. I know who I am and the man that I am trying to be. When you're strong-minded, strong-willed and know your place in life it can be intimidating to others. People like to be in control and when they feel like they don't have control over a situation, they cut and run.

 

For years, I have had women tell me that they get intimidated by me because here's a guy who finally has his head on straight, is confident, secure, good looking, handsome, goal-oriented, determined, well-dressed, well-spoken and he's nice without any arrogant and ignorant nonsense.

 

Some people just don't know how to handle a person with a lot going for themselves. They feel that they need to be in control of you because they are afraid of you when you're able to think for yourself. They know the capability of your mind and it frightens them. This is why creditors target younger folks with new credit lines. This is why the housing market (at one point) ran scams of interest-only loans knowing that 75% of folks would crawl through fire to get that deal. They target the uneducated. And this is the same tactic used by people who play mind games. They target the uneducated, the unaware, the insecure and those who lack the confidence to believe.

 

So you need not to worry about a woman or a man who thinks you're "too good," "too nice," or "too smart." Because that's bogus and no such thing.

 

I have never went into a restaraunt in my life and asked them to take a steak or a plate back to the kitchen because it "tasted too good."

[ellandroader]

Effing hell....that is a fantastic post. I couldnt have said it better myself. I have no time for the writer of that article or women like that - like CoTuner said, it is just making excuses for going out and playing around with jerks. People like that just make me plain angry.

 

We are who we are and there is room for all of us, nobody should be condemned for being "nice". Nice guys may finish last but have you noticed the only ones who say that are the ones who are racing a marathon? I consider myself a "good guy" and genuinely nice, kind, head straight etc etc and was told the exact same thing that StrangeMagic said - women are intimidated by what they can't control. I do have a spine and a fiery side that comes out and will not be controlled or played with either.

[ellandroader]

That was a nice post, Tyler. This article is definitely not the most clearheaded expression of thought - the woman is kind of jumping around and leaving herself an excuse for why she apparently prefers to get laid by jerks.

 

Indeed COtuner....indeed.