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Suggest getting back together, or remain friends?


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First off this is my first post on this site, happened to stumble upon it while googling fear related to graduating college, looked around this forum and it surprisingly insightful and interesting. I normally handle all my issues through my friends network but I figured I would see what some of the intelligent and apparently helpful people on here would suggest.


First off, I am about to graduate in May from a private college in Tennessee with my Bachelors in Business, so graduation stress and worries about the future have crept up on me. I dated this girl for 2 1/2 years, from the time I was 15 until I was just about 18. I am 22 now and she is 20, soon to be 21. We broke up over reasons we can barely remember, we were young and figured we should explore other relationships, 2 1/2 years was a lot back then.


Following our breakup, which wasn't the cleanest, I got involved with another girl I met through work and dated her for 2 1/2 years as well. There were good times and bad times but she wasn't accepting of my passions (I wrestled in college and coached a middle school wrestling team). We worked through all of that but her mom was overbearing and it did not work. Also during that time after 2 years of NC with the previous girl we talked again. We broke up before I started Junior year of college, this was the definition of ugly break up, never saw it coming right after her birthday, and had just got her a very nice ring (she did give it back). My Junior year I connected to all the people I failed to meet in college, made tons of new friends, had spring break with the guys for the first time. It was all good. Senior year starts and I hang out with my first "love" for the first time in years, her BF is upsetting her. Fastforward to now.


She is talking to me, txting, calling and hanging out with me again. It is great, it is fun, we have very fond memories. We watch House seasons, and Family Guy, we go to the park. We are having a good time. I graduate on May 17, after that if I have no reason to stay in the town I grew up in and went to school in I will leave for a place 2 hours away that I lived last summer. However, I feel that she is done with her ex for a few reasons (btw she said he reminded her of me, in good ways she said). Her friend is trying to set her up with a new guy she said "sounded strange".


Now I am not sure she is hinting she is considering a relationship and wants me to ask or if she is just informing me. I would stay here for her, I always felt she was the one I let get away and we have so much in common. We understand each other and have had time to grow. I am fine with us being just friends, if that is what she wants then I will loose no sleep. My concern is if I ask her if she has thought about more she will feel weird and we will no longer hangout, of course if she said no odds are I am moving soon anyway, but I value our friendship, even if it has been off and on and we go a year without talking (because her BFs do not like her talking to me).


Anyways, sorry for the novel but I just tried to include relevant details. My future is around the corner and I see it peeking at me. I just need to start laying out a plan. I intend to go for an MBA soon but I would also like to be in a relationship after nearly 2 years being single (its been fun, but time to grow up.) Thanks in advance for any advice.

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Hello, welcome to the forum.


Hmm, it's not an easy one. Personally I wouldn't invest too much into it because usually the biggest part of a "lost love" is what was shared in the past, BUT, looking back and wondering what could've been is never a good thing so I think you should ask her if she would like to be more than your friend, if she says yes you don't have to change your plans immediately and if you're going to be only 2 hours away it shouldn't be too much of an issue, also she could always join you after she graduates.


Go for it, just don't change your life to revolve around it.


Best of luck.

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Thanks for your input. I am getting input in all ways before I make a decision. The main thing is just to end any wondering, especially since I would be fine with whatever she says. I just kind of have to know. I guess the whole concept of the future is hard to grasp since I am about to graduate and am currently single. But life is great so if I can alleviate this one question it clears more things up. You are right, 2 hours is not too far away. I may ask if she ever thought about us getting back together and let her know that if not it is fine, I value the friendship but I have to know. Of course it would be more thought out than that.

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