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Walk away an smile :) or share a thought ;)


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So everyones told me to stop being a sheep lol and i didn't get it until today.


My story is around somewhere and i suppose i'm still in the break up stage but now its taken on a twist that just has me confused. My ex who with the up most certainty did NOT want to make up has decided what we may possibly need is a break... 'a long break at the least' in her own words and that now she feels she has to 'do the things that make her happy'.


Hurtful stuff, i mean its a kick in the gut at first glance and yeah.. made me feel like crap but i had a closer look.. just a bit deeper into the meaning and i finally managed to translate it as 'I wanna have some fun while you wait at the sidelines in case i need you'. So know i have a clue of whats going on other things start to stand out. Random texts that to tell me what she's up to, late night texts and calls to tell me she's down in the dumps.. love truly is blind and not in a good way it seems.


Now she may be fully justified in this feeling and of course once you have broken up with someone the goal is to find your ground again and get back to living your life without pain and regret but to tell these things to someone more than once as though to drive it home as hard as possible and then to follow up with friendly reminders that your life is fantastic since you broke up is simply cruel to both parties. She cant help me heal this way as she was the cause of my pain and everytime i feel a glimmer of hope it just flares up the pain again when that glimmer is snuffed out. I cant help her to heal this way because i was the cause of her pain and having me there as a shoulder to cry on or a standby makes it harder for her to fully move on.


Love has started to turn into dislike and Ive had enough. I started the whole healing thing, keeping busy, hanging with friends more and just finding a lot more joy in the time i spend alone with my kids but in the background was a nagging voice telling me it was all temporary and soon this whole mess would be sorted, no more hurt just back to love and good times. I was an idiot and thought my situation was different to all the others on this site. The truth is if you hurt someone enough for them to want to hurt you back then its over, theres no super magic wand of fixing and even if on the off chance you finally get back together the probability of it failing for all the same reasons is so high it might just be in both parties interests to walk away and smile about the good times.


Can we be friends after this and create a new relationship where we respect each other as people and not items to hold onto? Maybe in time i guess but whereas the sense of loss and what might have been fades slowly over a long period of time the 'Like' turns to 'Dislike' relatively quickly and its possible that soon I may feel that this person who i put so much of my heart and soul into wasn't really worthy of it.


This isn't advice really or a question or anything that needs a huge amount of feedback, just a little glimpse of how im feeling at the moment. Maybe if you wanna just randomly write what your feeling right now on this thread it will give you five minutes of peace as you try to go back and spell everything right. Ive found that it doesn't even have to be long.. I wrote 'I feel like crap' on my fridge and felt better because i did it in curly letters and it took me ten minutes and those ten minutes were about me so if it works for you.. go for it. I'll read it, others will read it and everyone will share it.. and thats a good thing

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I feel the same way. As much as I wanted the guy back, after realizing that he's been hurting me for quite some time, making fun of me a belitteling me... I don't even give 2 s@#$% to be friends with him.


I don't miss the time we would be spending together and the things I did with him I now do with my great friends [because you realize who the real ones are when you truly are in need] and I am happy with myself.



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It is truly amazing how every person's story is unique, but related to so many other stories at the same time. There are key aspects of a break up that are quite different, but there are always similar underlying themes. It seems that often the dumper wants to keep the dumpee on the "bench", so to speak. Then they proceed to spend time standing in front of that bench, taunting the dumpee with their happiness and well-being without the other. I suppose it is a fabricated feeling of superiority. ](*,)

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