Problems with going away with wife

[s_bris]

Hello, I need some advice on this,

 

Me and my wife had arranged to go camping with a few of her male friends this weekend but she has been coming home recently drunk (she was out with the same friends) which disturbed me from sleeping I had to go to work in the morning. The next day I was tired after getting to sleep at 3am had to be up at 7:00pm. Obviously I am annoyed at this because she always said that she wouldn't ever get drunk only tipsy. The friends are quite big drinkers, so I think they may have influenced her as it is not in her normal personality. Basically I have said to her that I am not going anymore as they have done this. Am I right not to go as I will get annoyed if they mention it or if they encourage her to drink. I have siad this to her but she ignores this and has been begging me to go for a few days now but I have stood my ground. So Should I stand my ground and not go or should I just give in and go? Personally I don't really want to go for the reasons above.

[husk]

well first of all your wife dont need to be out drinking with men im not into the opposite sex thing seen to much of the just friends thing go all wrong and why does she want to or need to hang out with men why not her husband , dude you better wake up.

[KG]

I'd politely ask her to cut down on the drinking, and still go. But let her know that if she does get drunk, you will be seriously disappointed.

 

Are you anti-drinking, or just concerned for her health, or both?

 

Or, just the 2 of you could go camping somewhere else.

[BrunetteBarbie]

What is it that bothers you about her being drunk? Do you think shes not able to control herself then? Or did you make an agreement within ur relationship that is never to get drunk...? Do you never drink yourself?

 

As long as it does not happen almost every night, by MY standards it would be okay...Ofc if she has a drinking problem it needs be fixed, but from what you wrote it does not seem it.

 

I would go to the camping, personally if i was drunk and my bf cancelled our weekend plans cuz of that, Id be rly pissed and think he was a a little bit narrow-minded and controlling..

[s_bris]

Hello, I understand what you are saying but they are just good friends plus one of them is a good friend of mine who I have known a very long time and I do go out with them at times. I am not really into the drinking thing you see, I like to have a meal instead of just drinking, thats not an issue with me at all, as I have trust and I know my wife wouldn't do anything, its strange but if you saw them you would understand, What I really want to know is shall I just give in to go camping or shall I stand my ground as I don't really want to go.

[KG]

I'd go and have fun with my friend and my wife!

[s_bris]

What is it that bothers you about her being drunk? Do you think shes not able to control herself then? Or did you make an agreement within ur relationship that is never to get drunk...? Do you never drink yourself?

 

As long as it does not happen almost every night, by MY standards it would be okay...Ofc if she has a drinking problem it needs be fixed, but from what you wrote it does not seem it.

 

I would go to the camping, personally if i was drunk and my bf cancelled our weekend plans cuz of that, Id be rly pissed and think he was a a little bit narrow-minded and controlling..

 

I am not into drinking you see and it sounds like thats mostly what they will be doing from what I hear about it recently (I found this out after I agreed that I would go.) She has always said to me that she would only get tipsy and that has been fine up to now, she has just seemed to drink more only when she is out with these friends and it concerns me because she gets quite ill after, and I look after her for most of the night and my work is getting affected. This does not happen often but has been increasing recently like every few weeks or so. She never used to get drunk like this so it seems odd. Our marriage is fine and there are no other problems at all. She has not given me a reason why she has started to drink like this, she just says she doesn't know why.

[husk]

alcohol and women and men is not good but dont listen to me so if you dont go are you going to let your wife go camping with guys taht will be drinking ? is that what you are say? if so i ahve no pity for you.

[s_bris]

alcohol and women and men is not good but dont listen to me so if you dont go are you going to let your wife go camping with guys taht will be drinking ? is that what you are say? if so i ahve no pity for you.

 

I am not sure if she would go or not, she can't drive so she couldn't go on her own, somebody would need to take her, I understand but she knows that my friend tells me everything that goes on (he is going too and doesn't drink much at all one 1/2 pint of shandy is what he always drinks) and he has been truthful all the time (its been proven) and she knows that if she broke my trust even once our relationship would be over staright away no buts.

[velvette]

tbh you sound a bit controlling.

from what I understand, her drinking has affected your work on that one day, but that has nothing to do with this trip. it's a camping trip, it'll be fun! go! besides, you should always do what you said you'd do. if you said you'd go, keep your word. be a man!

[s_bris]

tbh you sound a bit controlling.

from what I understand, her drinking has affected your work on that one day, but that has nothing to do with this trip. it's a camping trip, it'll be fun! go! besides, you should always do what you said you'd do. if you said you'd go, keep your word. be a man!

 

I am not controlling as I let her do what she likes for example going to the pub when she likes with male friends, its just that I don't see the point in sitting next to a tent drinking all the time, I am just worried that they will try to presserize me to drink in excess or if they brought up the fact my wife was drunk last week I think I would get annoyed at them and its just not my scene. They seemed to be a bad influence on her and I know it would be controlling if I tried to stop her so I don't, Just recieved a text suggesting one of her friends would take her as I would hate for her to miss out really, But maybe I am fighting a losing battle here, Btw I have tried to compromise by going one night instead of two but that wasn't good enough.

[tictactoe2006]

Dude, you want to do something fast. I was in a similar position with my ex-wife, who would go out drinking with her male co-worker 'friends' after work - and I now have the child support bills to show for it, while she lives with one of these 'friends'.

 

Buddy - MAN UP AND SAY SOMETHING TO YOUR WIFE.

[velvette]

there's the passive sort of controlling, where you probably don't even mean it, but she feels guilty knowing you don't enjoy it etc. I may have even done this to my bf before, withholding affection when he's done something else 'wrong'. talk to her!! not just talk, but make sure she understands you, and you understand yourself (what exactly do you not like about the drinking, etc).

 

wait why can't you go on just the one night? and if they're your friends and SO, they should respect you enough to not pressure you to drink. just hold firm, and maybe even redirect the trip to something a bit more productive, like roasting marshmallows and telling ghost stories.

[MollyElise]

This is what I understand -

 

You, your wife and your friends (one of them is a very close friend) have a plan to go camping for this weekend for 2 nights and now you don't want to go because you fear there will be inappropriate drinking, yet your closest friend NEVER over drinks and your wife only has once or twice.

 

I just don't buy that rationale for being why you don't really want to go.

 

Whatever the reason is, I think you are trying to find a way to blame your wife for the fact that you want to renig on a plan with her and your friends.

 

What do YOU want to do this weekend? If you don't go, what will you do, that will be so much better than going camping with your friends and wife?

[s_bris]

there's the passive sort of controlling, where you probably don't even mean it, but she feels guilty knowing you don't enjoy it etc. I may have even done this to my bf before, withholding affection when he's done something else 'wrong'. talk to her!! not just talk, but make sure she understands you, and you understand yourself (what exactly do you not like about the drinking, etc).

 

wait why can't you go on just the one night? and if they're your friends and SO, they should respect you enough to not pressure you to drink. just hold firm, and maybe even redirect the trip to something a bit more productive, like roasting marshmallows and telling ghost stories.

 

She says that she wants to go for two nights not one that is all the reason she gives when I try to compromise, She said to me that It was not good enough to go for one night. So I have tried to help in some way. I still trying to divert the trip, but I still get told we are taking loads of beer etc... They will go out for a meal at a pub they said, but sounds like an excuse to drink if you ask me, They don't know what else they will do, but the last trip they did told me they drank and told jokes and acted immature.

[HeartGoesOn]

If I were you, I would be more concerned about her going camping with a bunch of guys, more so, than how much she has to drink when she gets there.

[velvette]

aw just go. it won't kill you. sometimes we make sacrifices to keep others happy. it's not that big a deal! two nights! I'm sure your wife does things she doesn't necessarily enjoy because it makes you happy.

 

(also, by 'one night', did you mean--you wanted the camping trip to last one night instead of two, for everyone? or do you mean just for YOU, to go home a day earlier, by yourself?)

[diabolik]

I have the feeling that if the OP doesn't go, his next thread is going to be entitled "Help, I think my wife may have cheated with a friend of mine".

[s_bris]

I have the feeling that if the OP doesn't go, his next thread is going to be entitled "Help, I think my wife may have cheated with a friend of mine".

 

Thanks For the Humour, That would be funny really, Well I wouldn't need help with that as she wouldn't be my wife anymore. I just take things as they come. Who knows what will happen next, We are still in discussion on what is happening, well at least we are not arguing.

 

Thanks For All Your Help Everyone. I will take some advice on board and lets see what happens.

 

Have a good day.

[MollyElise]

s_bris - what ended up happening?