Boyfriend with Commitment Issues, HELP!

[TM42]

I have been dating this guy for 7 months. We have been very on and off but always find our way back to each other.

 

He has never dated before, and I am only the second person he has slept with. I've had lots of relationships before, so we are at different stages. He said in the beginning he did not want anything commited but I didn't pursue it so much as we just were drawn to each other. Every time we try to be apart, we get back together.

 

I truly love him, even with all his faults. I've never felt like this before in my relationships. I've tried hard to make it work, but we're ending things again. I truly feel he is depressed because for weeks we will be perfectly happy, then all of a sudden he gets these urges to be single and talk to these other women but its not JUST the desire to be single, he feels his life is a complete failure and I think deep down doesnt feel he is good enough for me. He does tend to lie, which is one of his big faults. He has always been a liar and i know he has really tried to be more honest but then he will do something like join a flirting site behind my back and go on it at work when he is bored. I'm too smart to be lied to for long, so I always seem to catch him. But then I forgive him because I understand where he is coming from with the commitment issues. He's always been a loner, and I find it surprising that he would want to ruin this relationship when he admits that he has never been happier and has always felt alone in his life.

 

I'm not sure what to do. I know we need to end things, but I desperately don't want to lose him. I think that if he DOES go date other people, he would realize what we have is so great. I dunno......

 

What do you guys recommend? Should I just let him go and if he comes back, he's mine? Should we take a break or try an open relationship? I dont know. I jsut know we both really love each other.

[annie24]

hi - welcome to enotalone. to be honest with you, this man doesn't sound like the caring, mature, and devoted partner you need in your life. he sounds really immature and like he has a lot of exploring to do before he is ready to settle down and be a good boyfriend. he also sounds like he needs to work on his self-esteem issues. but you can't do the work for him, he has to do the work himself.

 

honestly.... i would cut my losses and forget about this man. should your paths cross again in a few years, after he's done some growing, maybe he will be ready to be a good boyfriend to you, and you can explore things then. but for now, i would just end it, and go no contact and move on. if you bump into him on the street 3 years from now, you can revisit things then.

 

hugs