Ex suddenly violent, am I crazy?

[sillygurl]

Hi Everyone,

 

Not sure what I'm looking for, if it's advice, or to vent, or just to see if anyone else out there can understand or relate...

 

I broke up with my ex of 3.5 years around November- it was mutual, and we both figured in time we'd get back together after a break to clear our heads. He's been seeing someone else, and I was happy for him, but he got really mean all of a sudden.

 

Long story short, he beat me unconscious in a public place. There were a lot of witnesses, but I never pressed charges. Now I worry about him all the time, I worry about what the hell is going on in his head that he's become so violent when he'd never laid a hand on me previously.

 

I'm confused: I don't understand how he could go from being my friend to hating me so much in literally days, and I don't know if he belongs behind bars for what he did, because maybe there really is something wrong in his head.

 

Part of me just wished he'd give me a heart-felt apology. The other part of me wishes someone would break his arms and shave his head so he could feel as horribly confused and embarrassed as he left me, (though I would never actually be OK with someone hurting him- I don't seriously entertain the fleeting thoughts of poetic justice. In fact I have convinced many people NOT to harm him)

 

The most embarrassing thing is, I still feel like we'll be together in the future, and I think part of me still loves him! WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?! I feel like an afterschool special, but I also feel incredibly stupid and ashamed about all of this. What is wrong with me that I still care about him- and why?! I feel like a huge loser. I don't know how to heal myself. I don't know how to make the the nightmares about him, nor my concern for him, go away.

 

Can anyone else relate? Please everyone, I am in emotional hell, I don't think I could handle anyone ridiculing me or calling me stupid.

 

Thanks for listening.

 

SG

 

PS. I am working on getting counseling.

[ratfreak]

You shouldn't feel ashamed. You did nothing wrong.

 

If I were you, I would have pressed charges no matter how much I wanted the guy back.

 

No one deserves what he's done to you.

 

No one will ridicule you!

[sillygurl]

You shouldn't feel ashamed. You did nothing wrong.

 

If I were you, I would have pressed charges no matter how much I wanted the guy back.

 

No one deserves what he's done to you.

 

No one will ridicule you!

 

Thank you. I should have pressed charges, but I didn't for two reasons:

 

1.) I don't want his mother, my friend, to know who he's become.

2.) I don't have the energy.... I'm just exhausted.

 

Realistically, I can't see myself getting back together with him after this, it's just a weird intuitive thing I've had in the back of my mind since I met him, that we'd always be together in the future. Obviously, my intuition is wrong on this one.

 

And you're right, no one deserves to be beaten unconscious, nor to have missed all the classes and exams I have, or the jaunts of crying and nightmares that still plague me. I'm in hell.

 

I don't know how to move on and free myself from any of this.

[JadedStar]

I think you should take out a restraining order and push up the counseling appt to sooner rather than later. It is very dysfunctional - as i am sure i don't have to tell you - to think of wanting to get back wtih him after he beat you senseless.

 

he needs jail time and you need some therapy.

 

Get a restraining order. Don't let him knock you around a second time.

[sillygurl]

we have two classes together. He is having a wonderful life and I am in hell.

 

I'm afraid if I take legal action my teachers won't like me anymore (he's very popular amongst the faculty) even though I know that is stupid.

 

I'm also afraid that if I take legal action he will hurt himself... God I wish I could just pretend it never happened.

 

Thanks for your input.

[sillygurl]

I think you should take out a restraining order and push up the counseling appt to sooner rather than later. It is very dysfunctional - as i am sure i don't have to tell you - to think of wanting to get back wtih him after he beat you senseless.

 

he needs jail time and you need some therapy.

 

Get a restraining order. Don't let him knock you around a second time.

 

You know, some how I don't know if jail time would help... not to mention it would make his mother hate me, and I don't have a mother, so the thought of losing her stings.

 

THe worst part is that I am so worried about him! I don't know what's going on in his life that he's become this violent person- he never comes to school, he drinks all the time, he's in some kind of downward spiral. I'm worried, but I shouldn't care. I know this isn't him.

 

I can't get my head clear.

[sillygurl]

Um... sorry to harp, but is anyone else going through this- I still can't get him off my mind, despite what he did. I feel like I'm going crazy.

[viajera]

You're not going crazy - you've been to h**l and back far too many times. But you're strong, girl. You've gotten through so much already - way more than anyone should have to in a lifetime - and you'll get through this, too. Just take care of yourself first and foremost. But you already know that's what I'll say!

 

((hugs))

N

(PS - thanks for recommending this site!)

[sillygurl]

I dont think you are going crazy, because I am going through the same exact situation. My b/f of almost 2 yrs beat me up three weeks ago and I cant seem to get him off my mind either or the thought of us getting back together.

 

My heart keeps telling me it was a mistake, he didnt mean to do it, that he was always such a sweet man, but my head keeps saying do I really want to take a chance that there will be a next time and it could be even worse then what happened this time.

 

Its going to take time and alot of healing but we will get through this.

 

Hugs to you...

 

Thank you, thank you so much! How are you dealing with the questions- the "why did he do it?" and "how did he change overnight?"

 

I can't stop crying or having nightmares, are you going through this as well?

 

There's no chance of us getting back together, I definitely want to heal and move on, but I can't stop thinking about how unfair it all is, that he gets to go on and live his life, while I get to be this.... this miserable blob of pain. And EVERYTHING reminds me of him, sometimes I wish he's just disappear and I wouldn't have to see him anymore, but that isn't possible.

 

I'm trying so hard to get through all of this without sobbing through work and classes.

[sillygurl]

You're not going crazy - you've been to h**l and back far too many times. But you're strong, girl. You've gotten through so much already - way more than anyone should have to in a lifetime - and you'll get through this, too. Just take care of yourself first and foremost. But you already know that's what I'll say!

 

((hugs))

N

(PS - thanks for recommending this site!)

 

Thanks, Viajera, for your kind words. I feel so weak, like some exhausted former version of myself. I have no confidence any more, no will to do anything but drink myself to sleep every night.

 

You're right, I can eventually get through this, I just don't know how to put it all behind me and be OK for now, so I can get through what I need to get through.

 

And I don't even care about taking care of myself anymore, I just hurt. Sorry if I'm being a total drag, I really appreciate all of your replies!

 

SG

[sillygurl]

OMG, Viajera- N, is that you!? HEY! Thank you!

 

 

[viajera]

Yep, you know who I am - you pointed me here Now I'm logging in like 5x/day, lol! But seriously, thanks - and take care!

 

N

[sillygurl]

Yep, you know who I am - you pointed me here Now I'm logging in like 5x/day, lol! But seriously, thanks - and take care!

 

N

 

AWESOME!!! I mostly like it when I can help someone else, don't you?

 

But today.... ugh. Rough day. Back at square one.

[viajera]

Your friends response really isn't honest, she started the fight, why don't women get in trouble for abusing men. He tried to tell her for months it was over, and that night, she wouldn't let it go, jumping all over his car. He could've just drove off and let her fall off the car. She's posted alot of lies here, about he and I. We are happily married now, and she obsessively calls and texts him, knowing he's married, trying to get him back.

 

Uh...whuh? I don't think sillygurl is online these days to defend herself, but I'm her friend IRL - are you referring to me? Sillygurl did not jump all over anyone's car - as far as I know, the guy in question doesn't even own a car, just a motorcycle, which is what he was driving the night of this incident. Perhaps you have her confused with someone else?

 

As for your first statement, it's a red herring. Women do get in trouble for abusing men, I've seen it firsthand. It's just FAR, FAR less common than men abusing women.

[Pontius]

Uh...whuh? I don't think sillygurl is online these days to defend herself, but I'm her friend IRL - are you referring to me? Sillygurl did not jump all over anyone's car - as far as I know, the guy in question doesn't even own a car, just a motorcycle, which is what he was driving the night of this incident. Perhaps you have her confused with someone else?

 

As for your first statement, it's a red herring. Women do get in trouble for abusing men, I've seen it firsthand. It's just FAR, FAR less common than men abusing women.

 

You also have to keep in mind that men rarely ever press charges against women. Homicidal violence against women by men is far, far more common than vice versa but violence in general terms is far less disparate between the sexes as you have claimed.

[jahur]

is he coming off any medication, or a come down from narcotics, cocaine can do this when your coming down off of this, just a thought??

 

for someone to do that for no reason is very odd! and dangerous.

 

you will probably do him/ and any other female he gets with the biggest favour by telling his mum, he may listen to her to get help! he could have cracked your skull open, and give you brain damage! yeah its as easy as that!

 

avoid at all costs!!!!