We had "a moment"

[hers]

Some of you know I'm pretty much in love with this guy who I'm pretty sure isn't interested in me at all. We've been hanging out for months, usually every couple of weeks but sometimes once a week. This week, we hung out twice! Hooray. But I still don't know if he's interested and have told myself he's not and to get over my crush.

 

Last night, we went to my friend's party, people he's never met. I went to pick him up from his house. I got to his house to pick him up, he was still getting ready so I sat in the living room with his sister, whom I’d never met. Then he came out and asked if I wanted to see his room. Sigh. Torture. Not to mention he looked so cute.

 

My friend’s house was about 35 miles away so we had a good drive and chatted and such. When we got there, he introduced himself to people, offered some beer he brought, started taking shots with people, just instantly fitting in and not being shy at all. He didn't get drunk really—he’d slowed up on drinking after he took a couple shots with my friends. He smoked a cigar with a guy who was there, chatted with a lot of people. I love that I don’t have to hold his hand at a party like I’ve had to do with people in the past—he just introduces himself, fits right in, doesn’t cling to me all night b/c he doesn’t know anyone. Never have seen a guy do that before, seriously.

 

Anyway, so we have so much fun. We left about 130 and it took us a little while to get to his house. When I pulled up to his house, he was like “Thank you so much for inviting me. I had a good time. Thanks for driving. You have really cool friends”. I told him I was glad he came, all of that. I told him I will be in NYC on Thurs- Sun but we’ll hang out when I get back. And there was a moment of hesitation and silence and just looking at each other. Sigh. I hope that wasn’t my chance. Then he got out and I drove away. About 10 minutes later, he texted me and thanked me again and said how good of a time he had and he hopes I get some sleep (I had to work at 7 this morning). I wanted to write back “I have such a crush on you. I hope that doesn’t make it weird for us and if you aren’t into me, I understand, and I’m glad we’re friends either way.” But I didn’t. Plus I thought that’d be lame.

 

He’s so perefect. Yesterday, he went to take a standardized Mensa test on his day off. Why? For fun. The man takes smart people tests for fun. Plays chess for fun. And still knows how to have a good time without all that. He wins tournaments at the game nights I took him to, drinks and smokes cigars with people he doesn’t know (meaning he fits in anywhere we've gone with each other), and is just so chill. And every time he walks in front of me wearing those pants of his, I very literally wince. God. Sad.

 

I probably have given him signals that I'm not interested, and I feel like I've gotten signals taht he's not in me either. So one of us has to make a move. What the hell.

[caro33]

Has he talked about other women with you?

 

I think he sound like he could definitely be interested, particularly with the follow up text.

 

What makes you think he's not interested? Sorry, have not read your other threads, am happy to go have a look if you've covered all this before...

[hers]

Oh no, it's not a big deal, caro. I don't remember what I've written!

 

A few weeks ago, he went to a Spade tournament with me at a friend's house (and we took gold, by the way!) and he told me a friend of his (a girl) from ND where he's from came down to visit for a week. She stayed at his house and they did stuff around hte city and went to Savannah for a pub crawl and stayed in a hotel (he didn't tell the story like that, but those are the details). She tagged him in Facebook pictures so I got to see their visit together, and it looked friendly enough even though one picture had them with his arm around her.

 

But that's it, actually. I have been the one mentioning other guys (wth am i doing?)--I mentioned once how I took down my dating profiles (we met on Plenty of Fish) but I haven't mentioned dates or anything. Last nght I was telling him about a good guy friend of mine that I'd met off of OKC a long time ago and how we werent attracted to each other and have been good friends since. I told him taht's happened a couple times. At one point he said "Oh, like we did" but it was in the context of we became friends by meeting on a dating site. It felt uncomfortable for me for a minute b/c I felt like I screwed it up and gave out a huge signal about how i become friends with guys i'm not attracted to. So I think i screwed up.

 

See what I mean? I think I'm giving out bad signals. not good!!

[jengh]

Did you copy and paste this from the e-mail you sent me?

 

I definitely think you should say you missed him while you were gone...or something. FLIRT.

[caro33]

I was absolutely awful at this stuff so I can relate to your difficulty. Are you sure he's not gay?

[hers]

Did you copy and paste this from the e-mail you sent me?

 

I definitely think you should say you missed him while you were gone...or something. FLIRT.

 

yes. i was lazy. i knew i should've put a disclaimer aimed at you....i rearranged some and changed some around but for the most part, yeah, it's straight out of the email word for word.

 

i do flirt!!

 

last night i told him how hot he looks with his beard (he shaved it off. Sigh.) and how cute his accent is when it comes out. I don't talk like that to my guy friends, but sometimes guys are dumb and miss those signals. or maybe those signals were outweighed by the other uninterested signals i've sent.

[hers]

I was absolutely awful at this stuff so I can relate to your difficulty. Are you sure he's not gay?

 

very very very sure. though he had a portrait of Marilyn Monroe in his room...

 

No, he's not gay. He's talked about exes and stuff. He's definitely interested in women, just not me...

[yellowcal]

I say send him a text while you are away being flirtatious "Wish you were here" or "Missing you" something along those lines and see where it goes .. If anyone can do it, it's you Heh

[laisla]

aw. this reminds me of those secret crushes between two characters on tv shows, that the audience both know about but the characters just take forever to get together...like tony and angela from "whos the boss?".

 

sorry i don't have advice

[hers]

aw. this reminds me of those secret crushes between two characters on tv shows, that the audience both know about but the characters just take forever to get together...like tony and angela from "whos the boss?".

 

sorry i don't have advice

 

actually, that's helpful, haha. it makes me feel like my time is coming

[hers]

I say send him a text while you are away being flirtatious "Wish you were here" or "Missing you" something along those lines and see where it goes .. If anyone can do it, it's you Heh

 

what about if i write him a text while i'm in nyc (where he's never been) that says "too bad you're not here with me"?

[yellowcal]

what about if i write him a text while i'm in nyc (where he's never been) that says "too bad you're not here with me"?

 

Yep that's what I was saying, when you are away send him a text message just tellin him how you wish he was there with you

[hers]

what if he rejects me!!! that's my biggest fear in this. i really like our friendship so i don't want to make it awkward if he's not into me.

[jengh]

what if he rejects me!!! that's my biggest fear in this. i really like our friendship so i don't want to make it awkward if he's not into me.

 

But, what if he really feels the same way and this is your chance?

[yellowcal]

But what if he is into you and you never take the first step to it being more than just friendship?

[hers]

But, what if he really feels the same way and this is your chance?

 

But what if he is into you and you never take the first step to it being more than just friendship?

 

did you 2 plan to say the exact same thing? sigh.

 

i know i know i know.

 

and what else did i do? tell him i was thinking of moving away.

 

what is wrong with me! I'm self-sabotaging!

[Roberto34]

"what is wrong with me! I'm self-sabotaging!"

 

Yes you are, and it's time to stop this. Text him that exact thing about NYC, and don't worry or overthink it. You want him, and there's nothing wrong about that at all.

 

It's better to make your move and fail, than do nothing at all and wonder "what if??"

[caro33]

He might reject you but it's not like the alternative is all that great, where you worry yourself into sabotaging the friendship by thinking about this stuff. You can't keep a snapshot of the relationship as it is right now and think it is the alternative. What if he's telling you next week about some new girlfriend? How would you feel knowing that you never said anything.

 

Texting is easy and it's good for us more nervy types who can't take the risk the face-to-face way. It's always up for misinterpretation, but at least you'll be further along the flirt trail than you are now. The killer with a text or email is that you work yourself into a state to send it and then you lose all the control - too bad if they don't get back to you as fast as you would like.

 

Why don't you call him while you're away and just drop that bomb into the conversation about how you wish he was there with you and how you wish you'd kissed him when you last had the chance?

[hers]

"what is wrong with me! I'm self-sabotaging!"

 

Yes you are, and it's time to stop this. Text him that exact thing about NYC, and don't worry or overthink it. You want him, and there's nothing wrong about that at all.

 

It's better to make your move and fail, than do nothing at all and wonder "what if??"

 

right. jenn says that if i finally make my move before i move away and he tells me he actually wanted me this whole time, i'll regret it!! and i know i will!

[jengh]

right. jenn says that if i finally make my move before i move away and he tells me he actually wanted me this whole time, i'll regret it!! and i know i will!

 

Jenn is wise

[hers]

We really have a good time together. Friday, he wrote me and asked me to lunch; he wanted to try this diner that has famous burgers and an even more famous owner. So we went, and the wait was over an hour long and the lunch was even longer, so we were together at lunch for a while. It's sort of a queue set up b/c she only lets 8 people in at a time and each set of 8 is about an hour long. So he and I were number 7 and 8 adn were waiting our turn. number 9 was a very very large blind black woman, and he texted me (while sitting next to me!) and asked if ethically, shoudl we let her ahead of us? It was too funny that that's what he was thinking. I don't know why I'm adding that. It's just part of the charm of his I love...anyway, we had such a good time b/c of how entertaining the lady who owns the place is. It was just fun being there with him. We have so much fun together.

 

Anyway, I'd be too scared to even tell him I wanted to kiss him! I think when I'm in NYC, i'll text him and say I wish he was there with me; start dropping hardcore flirts on him maybe?

 

god he's so cute. i wish i could post a picture of his cuteness...

 

while i'm in nyc, my friends are having another boardgame tournament, and he's going. ilike that he doesn't need me to go hang out with my friends while i'm gone. i've never met a guy like htat before.

[jengh]

I'll vouch for the boy's cuteness!!!

[Roberto34]

Well if you have any female friends, they might notice his "cuteness" and all his qualities...forget your female friends, how about females in general?

 

You better make your move, 'cause someone else surely will.

 

Just being honest, not trying to "scare" you into it or anything.

[caro33]

My god girl, you are GONE.

 

Do what you are comfortable with, but do it! That text may be the best you can get. I don't mean to get all high school on you but perhaps your friends can scope out his interest in your absence? Maybe drop a hint that you're shy and even perhaps let on that you are into him?

[hers]

I'll vouch for the boy's cuteness!!!

 

haha thank yoU! oh and when he has a beard. oh man. it really kills me that i can't just stare...