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If there is no future, does that mean no relationship?


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I am deciding if I should break up with my boyfriend of 8 months.


Last night we got talking. He said that he cared for me more than I would ever know, and that he loves me too.


I of course feel the same. He has been the most special man in my life ever.


The problem is this: a few months in after starting dating, he mentioned he planned to live in back home (in the middle east) after he is finished his education. There are around 3 more years of this, out of which he can get a greencard (America).


When I found out about this, I talked to him. I said I was not prepared to live in the middle east for the rest of my life. I was not interested in a fling, but a relationship that is progressing forward and has the potential for something more. I said that men and women are often not on the same page when it comes to committment, and that I understood that.


Anyway, we agreed to give it some more time rather than break up.


That was 4 months ago. Since then, he has shown (or so I thought) consisently that I am a very serious girlfriend and that he loves me, and that there is a future for us (marriage). He is introducing me to his muslim parents next month.


OK, so here is what happened LAST NIGHT: he said he still had full intention to return.


This is obviously a problem... I do not want to 'waste' 3 years of my life in relationship that has no possibility of marriage (I am 27). He, on the other hand, seems to be really on the fence with what to do. He loves me, but will not stay in the US.


We haven't really spoken about the issue again. It was late last night and came out of the blue, and this morning we just had a great time together although we both knew that last night was something of a turning point.


So here where I ask for opinions / advice:


break up with him?

talk to him? what questions should I ask?

Is this a DONE case? Anyone have similar experiences where it works out / doesn't work out?


I am prepared to spend a few years over there with him (especially when children are born), but to for ME to commit to a lifetime in a country I have never experienced (and is completely different culturally to my own background), is just not possible without experiencing it first (and an engagement ring).


Anyway, I'm just quite shocked about all of this. Last thing I expected to happen last night.

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Meant to also add:


Should I speak to his best friend about this? He is also of middle eastern descent and a close friend of mine - we get along very very well. He may have more insight into the cultural differences and also he knows his best friend very well.


Would this be a bad idea (would it be seen as going behind my boyfriend's back)?

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IMHO I would say no, don't call it off. You have to analyze two things here: do you really love him, and, does he really love you? It sounds like its stating the obvious, but its true. Real love should transcend any kind of geography or location. If he is willing to leave you over a location, he is making a huge mistake, though, this is probably due in part to his faith, is it not? My advice to you would be to talk openly about it, but DO NOT let it lead to a fight. Just discuss. If you get hurt by what it says, bite back your anger, or you will say things you might regret, or vice versa. I'd recomend trying to find a compromise. Like, okay, I will live with you there for awhile, if we can live at such and such place for awhile too. Look for some sort of compromise, would be my advice. if two ppl rly love each other, then you should be able to meet in the middle somewhere.

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