I am getting so fed up (long but please read)

[sparx]

Hello,

 

I am feeling so annoyed by one of my best friends lately (we are in our 20's). I've written about her before, she's like a sister to me, but she monopolizes the conversation, doesn't let me get a word in edgewise, CONSTANTLY talks about the same thing (men) and now she's been calling me days in a row to talk about the same thing.

 

I have felt for a long time now that if it's not men, she has nothing to talk about, she'll start humming, singing, and sometimes hang up when there is no relevant male story for her to tell me EVERY SINGLE detail about.

 

I do talk about my relationships with her, but I don't take up 2 hours to do it, I take up probably at most half an hour saying my story then she will use that to go into her story which takes up at least 2 hours.

 

I've been trying to break out of this habit by not indulging her, by changing the subject, but she always brings it back to men. AND I hate how she thinks her men stories are the HIGHLIGHT of my life/day. I'm single and trust me I don't want to hear all her lovey dovey details or her 'men are a-holes' rants. Gosh I am so annoyed.

 

Has anyone been in a similar situation? I don't want to talk to her about it because I'm positive it would change our dynamic and I really believe she has nothing else to talk about so I fear it could really damage our friendship. I am her friend because deep down I think she's a good person, we enjoy laughs and care for each other and we've been friends for years. But I can't just focus on her kind heart because her 'conversational ettiquette' is just so rude to me. What should I do? Just not talk to her as often (that's what i've been trying to do)? Any advise please?

 

Thanks for reading and any advise you may send.

[NightLily]

This isn't that long of a post. I have seen many that are much longer than this.

 

I had a friend who was similar and unfortunately I was living with her.. so I couldn't really get away. There were a limited number of topics that she would just rant about and monopolize the conversation. I would offer solutions but she would never follow through and just keep ranting. I would fall asleep and she would keep ranting -_-'

 

If these conversations are on the phone though, you could do what you have done: try to change the convo. But then if that isn't working, I would talk to her about it. Then, just start telling her you have to go. If she then got really angry about that.. I would just not answer the call

[MyheartorHis]

Been there and done that. Except my friend was worse. She used to "borrow" money but NEVER pay me or any other friends back. She used to ride with us to work every single day but never offer to drive or even pay for gas. She would call and I would listen for hours, but once it came my turn to talk about me and my something that lasted all of 10 minutes max. She could turn any conversation into something about that guy she was talking to.

 

After awhile I had had enough, so had all my other friends, but I told her flat out. "You use me, you use everyone, you call me at 3 in the morning sometimes and I'm always there to listen but you can't listen to a word I say. You have no turn every single simple conversation into (his name here) and I just can't take it all anymore. I love you but somethings gotta change or I'm going to go nuts." I said a lot more, but I forgot. We didn't talk for a month or two but then she called and told me how sorry she was and how long it took her to realize I was right. Things are a lot better and she's one of my really good friends.

[alli]

I think you should tell her like MyHeartorHis, because I would bet that she has no idea what she is doing or how irritated you are by her. You should at least bring it to her attention and give her the opportunity to realize what she is doing and attempt to change her ways. If she still continues, then I would just start tapering off your contact with her.

[SleepingKitten]

Well. sounds like you care about her, and deep down thinks she's a good person. Tell her!

 

You are just wasting your time and hers.. She probably wouldn't want to talk to someone if she really knew they didn't want to listen, and the more annoyed you get the more it damages your friendship..

Be straight up and tell her why and how it annoys you! You owe yourself that.. Sure, maybe that's all that she's got to talk about, she may not be in a happy place in her life right now, but damaging one of her good friendships won't help that..

Just be upfront and speak out! Don't be afraid.. If she's a good person, like you say.. sooner or later, it will sink in that she's being selfish and come around.

Good luck!