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coworker's wedding-to go or not to go?


confused9

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Hi all,

 

I'm in a bit of a conundrum. One of coworker's invited me to his wedding (that's occurring next weekend), and I replied that both my boyfriend and I could attend. I had asked my boyfriend if he could come and he said yes. But he just realized that next weekend is Easter and he already has a flight to head to his hometown.

 

I'm frustrated. I wanted him to be there with me and I don't really want to go alone. Recently I've been promoted a lot at work, and quite frankly, many of the people I work with have not taken kindly to me being promoted above them. Also, I'm an attractive woman and in the past the men I work with have given me an uncomfortable feeling, and some of the women I work with treat me as if i'm a sl*t (when I haven't done anything wrong). I was hoping to go, enjoy the wedding, and, to an extent, show them that I my life does not revolve around what they say and think about me-I have a life outside of them. But with my boyfriend not being there, I don't think I could handle the looks and comments of my colleagues that will also be attending. I like the people getting married, and I've sent presents, etc, should I just go ahead and cancel us both?

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If you feel that way about your colleagues then why did you agree to go in the first place? Going to a co-worker's wedding should not be dependent on whether or not your boyfriend can go. You should not be going to a wedding simply to prove a point to the people who are against you at work. It is understandable that people have enemies at work..but you seem to have described lots of enemies...women who think you are a * * * * ....why would they think that...men who make you uncomfortable....why, are all the men at work hitting on you...are you somehow giving off certain signals or dressing a certain way that men are getting the impression they can hit on you and women think you are a * * * * ? That is the reason why you wanted to show everyone you have a boyfriend and now that he can't come your reason for going is no longer there? Isn't this wedding about the people who invited you? If you like them then why not go? Why did you get promoted over everyone else. I think there is more to this than you are telling.

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well...i asked one of my girlfriends if she could go, but it is Easter weekend and late notice.

 

and i know the way i wrote the comment made it sound like i have tons of enemies. it's not quite true. there was one girl who i used to work with that told people in the office all of these lies about me being a drunk and easy as soon as i started working there. I think most people know she was lying, but there have been guys who have come through that have asked me out, there was one in particular who knew i had a boyfriend, he asked to hang out, and i said i could go for a quick bite (in a friend way only)--which started rumors through the whole office, even though we never went! and then the girls, many of them are married and either act like i either have no life and only work, or go out and gets drunk with guys.

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I think you should go to the wedding since you already planned on going...you are going for the couple...who knows, maybe people will see you differently outside of the work situation. I would also suggest you dress conservatively to the wedding if you want to discourage the rumours.

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Why not go and just not stay long?

 

The ceremony - well all eyes are on the bride.

 

The reception - do the rounds and then excuse yourself early. It's Easter weekend and I'm sure no one wouldn't understand.

 

I think it's be nice if you could go and show some support since you already said yes. Who can say anything bad about that, and if they do, who cares? That day is about someone and something else. I think you may be stressing about nothing.

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Why not go and just not stay long?

 

The ceremony - well all eyes are on the bride.

 

The reception - do the rounds and then excuse yourself early. It's Easter weekend and I'm sure no one wouldn't understand.

 

I think it's be nice if you could go and show some support since you already said yes. Who can say anything bad about that, and if they do, who cares? That day is about someone and something else. I think you may be stressing about nothing.

 

Yep. I'd tell coworker right away that BF got called out of town, but you're still looking forward to his big day. Then I'd show up and be charming. Your office politics have nothing to do with your BF. Be smart, play them well, and stop stacking the deck against yourself with assumptions.

 

In your corner.

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thanks everyone!

 

i think you're right. i'll let him know right away, and i will go, but just for a bit.

 

work is just so stressful. and i like a lot of my coworkers, but they are just so critical of everything sometimes. i do good work, and i am a good lead, i'm just heavily criticized b/c i'm young, i'm a woman, and i am attractive. i just try to leave it all at work and avoid my coworkers outside of work.

 

i'll go to happy hours and the guys will talk about the dirtiest things. but if i say something and they twist it to be dirty. i get hell from the guys, the girls, and i honestly won't know what i did wrong or what i said for months. my solution? to stop going out to happy hours or other events. to literally stop being social with them. i get tired of the rumors. i just want to do my job and be left alone.

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