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ok , this is where i am. i know my relationship of 10 years is over and i have started moving on. it hurts a little less . im dealing with it the best i can. some days are good and still i have some bad ones, like today. the problem i'm having is that i can't seem to find that normal feeling. i mean i'm good when i'm at work or out doing something but as soon as i walk in the door into what used to be "our" home with our family i am lost. i don't know what to do. i barely do anything around the house as far as cleaning up laundry cooking etc. just what needs to be done. i can't watch tv because every movie , every show , we watched together, all i do is sit on the computer re-reading old emails, checking horoscopes, my space. i hate feeling like this. i want to get up and spring clean, maybe do some redecorating, buy new curtains, start changing things in what is now my home. i know that would make me feel so much better, motivate me, but i just cant seem to do it. i'll start something then next thing you know i'm right back online, sitting here wasteing my life away. this is so frustrating to me. maybe i'll feel better tomorrow, i just had a few rough days like many before. has anyone else ever felt this way?

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Oh yeah been there. I hate going anywhere lately. especially if it's nice out. I wonder what he is doing . This may sound silly but i wish it would rain everyday. it is hard to watch tv.. so stupid mushy commercials make me sick right now. I am where you are. Maybe you should talk to your dr. I had started to get in a rut and taking sick days from work just to stay in bed. but I had no choice but to talk to my dr about helping me get through thsi rut. I still have bad days but i am feeling a little better. I keep talling myself that I will never date ever again. But who's to say what will happen in months or years to come. Stay strong and talk to your dr. And go out and get those curtains!!! LOL

big hugs

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Oh yeah been there. I hate going anywhere lately. especially if it's nice out. I wonder what he is doing . This may sound silly but i wish it would rain everyday. it is hard to watch tv.. so stupid mushy commercials make me sick right now. I am where you are. Maybe you should talk to your dr. I had started to get in a rut and taking sick days from work just to stay in bed. but I had no choice but to talk to my dr about helping me get through thsi rut. I still have bad days but i am feeling a little better. I keep talling myself that I will never date ever again. But who's to say what will happen in months or years to come. Stay strong and talk to your dr. And go out and get those curtains!!! LOL

big hugs

 

lol, that was cute, but no i don't have a problem going out, you know i've done the work on me thing, i lost 40lbs, lightened my hair, reconnected with my friends, we go out one night every weekend and have a ball. i have talked to other guys. but im not ready for anything serious just yet. all of that is good, it's just being home, being in "our" home without him thats killing me. you know i had a routine, come home from work, chill for a few, straighten up the house, cook dinner so it would be ready when he got home from work , we would have dinner, he would spend time with our son for awhile then we would snuggle up on the couch or in bed and watch tv or a movie. nothing is the same here in my home anymore. i just dont know how to feel normal here now that he's gone. i guess i have to accept that this is just how it is now but i dont know how. but i will go get those curtains! lol!

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Any chance at putting the house on the market? That might be a spark that motivates you to get some work done, then you get the bonus of taking a step for YOU in finding a new home or apartment and going from there.

 

you know i have thought about that, maybe it would be a good idea to just sell the house and start fresh but with how things are right now i dont know if i could get what i paid for it, you know? thats why i thought maybe just redecorate , change things up , make it all my own, that will have to do for now i think.

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sometimes it takes a little while to get that proactive feeling around the house. i know exactly what you mean when it comes to that. i spent a good three or four weeks moping around whenever i was home. i got tired of it...obviously. basically took the opportunity to get rid of all the old junk (mnie and hers) that'd been weighing me down for years. anything i hadn't used...or was just hiding in the closet...either got recycled, given away, or sold on ebay. basically everything that didn't serve an immediate and practical purpose (besides a select few items for character value) went.

went on to clean everything...carpets included. also made a point of moving things around. the old bedroom serves no purpose anymore...moved the bed out into the living room (always wanted to do that). it actually feels like my own place for the most part. i know i'll reach that point where it just won't feel right anymore. i'm working on getting the place ready to move out of. i think that day is coming soon.

 

even changes to seemingly mundane details can make a world of difference...or so i've found for myself. have some fun with it.

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I've been doing the same thing for the past 4 weeks.

I can't get myself to do much unless I'm out with my friends [and they're often busy so]

 

I can't watch certain shows, go to certain places we used to go to in the city and after 3 years you see a lot of the city. I've been parked on the couch for the longest time because it's the only spot in the house where I don't cry... But is it getting better.

 

I think moving is a good idea since 10 years is a long time...

Having a new canvas to work with is always good.

 

If you can't move - why not have a painting party with friends and change the wall colour. That way when you have the people in your house, you won't have excuses not to do it.

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thanks you guys, your ideas are all good, yeah, that's what i'm going to work on now, making this my home, i really think it would make a world of difference on how i feel about being here. plus give me something to do . now i have a plan of action. lol! feeling better already

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