Do guys really need space before realizing they love you?

[amberche]

So I have known my friend for YEARS. We have always been there for each other and great friends and last year he started hinting that he wanted a relationship and I love him and I wanted that as well so we sort of gravitated toward each other. (there was a lot of conflict, confusion, and problems but we made it) Suddenly 2 months ago he just stopped talking to me, I would text, call, send emails and I was scared something happened to him. I would have called the police but I saw that he was online on MSN. And Today he messages me and tells me some BS like he needed time to find out how he really felt about me, if he wanted me for the sex or if he would miss me at all or if I would miss him. (since we are always together) He said that he realized he was in love with me. Personally I think it is a load of BS. So how do i take this? is this some guy game or are guys really like this? (If he met a girl I would have been happy for him, we have been friends so long I just want him to be happy and he knows that.) So what can you make of this situation?

[WizardofOz]

Personally, I wouldn't cut off a girl I loved in order to find out how much I really cared for them.

 

Obviously your boyfriend is different. I'd say that he was afraid of ruining things by asking for a short break to evaluate things. It sounds like you guys are really close so I doubt he was playing a game. I'm sure he already knows how you feel about him. Nevertheless, he could have gone about this in a better way. He should have told you he was busy with things for a week or two rather than just ignoring you.

[alli]

They always have that as movie themes... like one partner doesn't realize they are completely in love until they are separated, then they come back together and live happily ever after.

 

I think what he did was pretty crappy & would have no qualms in telling him so. I would also tell him what you said here, that you were actually worried about him and just about called the police until you saw that he was online. You don't just do that to someone you "love". You are pretty hurt by this & if he wants to redeem himself, well then he's got some redeeming to do! Unless you don't want to give him another chance. Then you better tell him "wrong move, buddy. I won't let someone treat me like that & walk right back into my life again like nothing happened".

[caro33]

If he just cut you off cold with no explanation, and then messages you later to say he loves you after all, then he is selfish, plain and simple. This is all about him, his feelings and what he wants. It has nothing to do with you. He did not care to tell you what he was doing. He did not care that he made you feel bad. He did not care that you would move on in the meantime.

 

Seriously, this is a childish and selfish thing. It may also not necessarily be true, be aware of that. I would not necessarily take him at his word. Look to his actions -they did not respect you or value you. This says all you need to know about trusting him again.

 

If you think it's BS then go with it. By the way, I don't think all guys do this at all. This is crappy behaviour that people of both genders pull. There will be many guys out there who would never risk losing you in this way.

[Ms Darcy]

Objectively, yes, I do think that sometimes some guys need a little space before they realize how they feel about you.

 

Having said that, they also need to know how to treat you. He may love you but he does not know how to respect you. Disappearing for a day or two is ok. Not for that long; that is unacceptable.

 

You teach people how to treat you.

 

If you take him back, you are teaching him that he can make decisions about your relationship without your input. In short, he doesn't need to respect you and communicate his doubts. Who is to say that if he hadn't shared your concerns that you wouldn't have needed some distance and time and given him the space he needed. And I would guarantee that he would be far less likely to do that to a woman again.

 

Really, honey, it's ridiculous.

 

I think it's wise for you to take your own space and think about what you want. I would advise moving on honestly because he disrespected you so thoroughly.