Had a talk; what to think of the outcome

[WizardofOz]

So I recently had a big talk with my girlfriend regarding our relationship. For those of you who haven't read my past threads, the issue was that she was having thoughts of wanting a more serious relationship and possibly settling down. I am 23 and she is 27 so we are at slightly different parts of our lives.

 

Anyways, after the talk, I asked what her what she wanted to do. She said she wanted to think about things, which was fine with me. I proposed a break or that we break up and remain friends. She was opposed to this as she said she still liked me and wanted to continue to see and talk to me. To me, it sounds as if she still likes me but is confused; she doesn't want to end things with me but at the same time she wants to find someone that is older and ready to settle down.

 

At this point, neither of us are willing to say that our relationship will escalate into something serious as we have only been together for half a year. While she hasn't explicitly said this, I don't think she feels that settling down with someone four years younger than her at this point is the right move for her. In my opinion, I have no problem continuing to be with her as long as we like one another. I think if we still like one another after a year or two then settling down is something to consider.

 

This has put me in a tough situation. On one hand, I still really like her and want to continue to be with her. As I've said before, I have no set age that I want to settle down at but I don't want to be rushed into making any decisions. On the other hand, I don't want to continue seeing her if I am just be used until she finds someone else or finally decides it is time to settle down.

[HouseKitten]

It seems a bit early to me to be having that kind of 'settling down' conversation? But each to their own.

 

If she comes back to you and says she wants to carry this on and see where it goes then it's up to you if you believe her. And even if you do, you have to be aware that even if she thinks you're future material at the moment, you've only been together 6 months so either one of you might change your minds a little further down the line.

 

That said, she might be unsure now, but after spending more time with you she might decide you're someone she wants to settle down with for definite I don't think she'd be using you if she continued to see you but wasn't 100% on whether you had a future - thats where you start when you first get together with someone anyway, who's to say how long it should take for that certainty to become apparent or not?

[WizardofOz]

I agree that is too early to have a settling down talk. Our talk wasn't regarding us settling down but more about what she might want in life and if it is the right time. She doesn't know what she wants and that's what has been making things hard of late.

[alli]

I guess I am not entirely clear on how you are defining a more serious relationship and "settling down".

 

What is your relationship like now? Do you pretty much talk or see each other everyday, attend weddings & funerals together? Or is it more like you see each other on weekends only?

 

After seeing each other for 6 months, I don't think it is unreasonable to have a "serious relationship". Definitely too early for an engagement or anything, but 6 months is a long time for casually dating, if that is what you are doing.

 

I think she likes you and wants to know that this is going somewhere, while you seem more satisfied with the way things are going... which is just sort of hanging out. At least, that is how I interpret this situation... it's not entirely clear based on the information you have provided.

 

So by "what she wants in life".. does she have no idea if she will be moving far away or something? Because it is possible to decide to commit to a relationship without knowing exactly what you will be doing, as long as you have an idea that you will still be living in the same vicinity in the near future.

 

If you don't want to be in a serious relationship with her, then you guys are on completely different wavelengths and should probably break it off completely.

[WizardofOz]

We are more than casual dating. We see each other 3-4 times a week and usually talk if we aren't go to see each other. I really like her and want to be serious with her but am not ready to commit to anything. I want to continue to see her at this pace, if not more and see how things go.

 

She doesn't know what she really wants. She has applied for jobs outside of the city we live in.