How to cope from abuse lies, deciet and manipulation

[mbird]

I am broken. A shattered man.

 

I was known to be a strong man before. Now I am a wreck.

 

How does somebody cope when he finds out everything was a lie.

How do you cope when you find out she cheated on out 2 days before some of the most enjoyed traveling times of your life, after you have broken up and gone back time and time and time again and been made to feel like the abuser.

How am I supposed to cope when I was drinking myself to death and did a pill (which I never ever do) because she had made me feel so bad about myself. to finding out the truth that she used to be a meth addict and that she cheated on me. and Bragged behind y back.

 

There is a million other things to wirte but I cant find the words.

 

I need help.

[philove]

Hey mbird,

 

I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a rough patch at the moment. My ex cheated on me too so I know exactly how you're feeling.

 

I'm a very proud man and my pride is what has forced me crawl out of the dark hole. What helped me was when I decided to forgive my ex for what she did, if I didn't I would have ended up bitter and resentful towards her and I didn't want to live the rest of my life like that. So my advice is to work on yourself first, you need to go to the deepest darkest places before you can see the light again and eventually try to forgive your ex for the mistakes she has made.

 

If you wanna talk more you are welcome to pm me.

[mbird]

Thankyou for your reply.

 

I have flashbacks all the time, and the most worrying thing to admit is I would love to blow her away. I have never raised a hand to a women or been close and I have been pushed to my limits.

Why do i feel this hate? I dont want to care I" want to forget she ever existed. I have already dleetd or given away or destroyed anything I ever had to do with her. It hasnt helped.

[viajera]

I spent waaaayy too long (6 years) with a man who was a compulsive liar, manipulative, even abusive. When I finally got up the courage to leave, I was angry, jaded, and bitter - but had also completely lost my sense of self. I literally didn't know who I was anymore, because I had become a different (and lesser/more petty) person when I was with him. And believe me, I had PLENTY of good reasons to be angry, jaded, and bitter - I would have every right to still hate him today.

 

But I woke up one day realizing that carrying around all this anger and hatred wasn't doing me any good. He was winning, and I was losing - retreating further into myself, too afraid to reach out and trust anyone. So I forgave him. I don't hate him anymore - if anything, just pity him. This gave me the ability and strength to move on: to find myself again, to reach out to others, to start new friendships and relationships. He contacted me a few weeks ago, >2.5 years after our breakup, and made it clear that he hasn't fully moved on yet - but I can truly say I have, and that's a good feeling.

 

Best of luck to you, and know that you will be back to your old, strong self again soon. Just hang in there until you do, and come here to find others to talk to who know what you're going through.

[CallingAllAngels]

Deceipt and deception are not easy to get over. I've been dealing with it for 2 years myself.

 

Know that time is on your side. It may not necessarily heal all wounds, but it does change them.

 

Godspeed......

[mbird]

Thankyou for your kind words.

 

I guess the hardest thing is that she was perfect partner straight after it happened. I would of picked up on anything. The whole time she manipulated me then was so high on her horse. She ground me down to nothing because SHE cheated on me...

 

The level of deciets and lies and the perfection she did it with hurts more than I can describe. I gave her so much allowance and the whole time she had slept with someone I know. Anyone who can look someone in the eye promise on her family and then make love one day after something like that happened in my personal opionion deserves to have the life snatched out of them.

 

I hope it eases and I am writing on here not only because I need to talk but I refuse to let that evil girl ruin relationships for me in the future. I'm stronger than that and her.

[unabashed]

Twice in just a couple of posts, you made references to wanting to kill her. I can understand the level of anger you have, but is this something you think about to the point that you might feel like doing anything? Since you are honest enough to put this out here, then I would say that you need to make sure that you get help, if this is where your thoughts are taking you.

 

What happened to you is really terrible. There are a lot of people on here, and everywhere, who can relate. I hope you can move through this to find true love and happiness. Not everyone is a liar. It seems especially difficult when you don't see the warning signs--you begin to doubt yourself. But, don't be hard on yourself for expecting the best from someone.

 

All the best.

[mbird]

Welll the thought of it makes me feel better. Wish i wasn't this angry and, No I have ut 2500 miles between us.

 

I can't sleep, eat. I put my heart and soul into it. I no the warniing signs, she didn't give much indication at all.

 

How am i suposed to move on when I have no closure apart from that she didnt care?

 

She admited it and I heard it then lied to my face about it 2 minutes later? Maybe in her way she was trying to protect me but she actually did the worst thing for me and made me feel as thought I am nothing. I lost friends nearly lost my job because of her, then i left. and shes now living it up and I am here typing.

[ratfreak]

Hating her will exhaust you and it will take away from the time that you could be getting better. I spent years hating my ex who cheated and it only got me to more tears and pushed away great people.

 

The eating and sleeping is hard but it will get better!

Hang in there!