Opinion on this?

[regger]

My ex only contacts me when:

a) he is bored

b) he wants to hook up

c) he has nothing else to do

 

I still love him so much and he has changed from a beautiful person to someone i dont feel i know anymore..but i know the old person is still there. Yet everytime we are together we have so much fun but in the end all he really wants is to sleep with me. Its breaking my heart into pieces and ive told him its all or nothing. He either has me as his g/f or we see each other as friends..no hook ups allowed. He also has told me he has feelings for another girl yet "couldnt be bothered" to get to know her or pursue her yet continues to do this with me. Im so confused should i just stop contact with him and let HIM contact me when he wants to see me as friends or...let him go? is it even worth it?? Thanks for your help!! xoxo

[1MoreChance]

Exs do things like that, I believe becasue they are insecure, clueless and selfish. Set boundaries with him as you already told him (no "hooking up"... meaning no sex right?).

 

And about this:

 

"He also has told me he has feelings for another girl yet "couldnt be bothered" to get to know her or pursue her yet continues to do this with me..."

 

don't listen to the stuff he tells you about the other girl... it seems he is insecure about pursuing her? and you are his security blanket? otherwise why the heck is he telling you he has feelings for her? it seems some exs say these things to make you feel "special" (YOU are so worth getting to know ... but not HER! yet he likes her and shows it in so many ways, if only by telling you about it). Making you feel special is a way to keep you hooked. for him to calm his fears of loosing you completelly, ... which is probably just what he needs. In the meantime, what do you need? maybe you need to move on and find the relationhsip you need. which isn't made of games and confusion and hooking up with someone who doesn't have the maturity to respect your feelings.

 

take care and please, move on. you deserve it.

[top bloke]

Hes basically told you that he wants you for his convenience because he cant be bothered with someone else he likes. He is using you for his pleasure because you give in to him. Cut him off because hes as bad as a rattlesnake. He is not interested in you as a person..hes interested in someone else. Cut him off totally..hes a user who cant even be bothered to start a relationship with the other woman..

... Did I mention...cut him off!!??

[angellight]

Or at least, whatever you do, DO NOT SLEEP WITH HIM!!! You have to give a man a challenge...Remember they are hunters...

[InvisibleWound]

It would be a wise idea to let him go... You even said that its breaking your heart to pieces, why stay? Why bother waiting around? It looks quite clear that although he may enjoy spending time with you he only wants you whenever he sees fit, its not fair to you.

 

You also said he is your ex, so he must be an ex for a reason right?

I went through a similar situation a few years back and hurt like hell. Though I was not having sex with my ex or anything we still said "I love you" and acted like we never broke up all it did was make it harder for us to fully separate ourselfs from each other. In the meantime of all this I was the friend and got to listen to him talk about all the girls he liked, and how he was going on a date soon. Up until his second girlfriend after me we still were acting like we were going out. I had a rather disturbing obsession with him, it sucked I wish it never happened but it did.

 

Years passed and now I can only look at him as a friend there is no more flirting or "I love yous" We tallk maybe once a week over MSN and thats it.

 

What I went through with my ex really damaged me inside and had me depressed for months, it was a bad situation...

 

If you think you can be just friends that might be cool but personally I would end it before something happens that might upset you even more.

[jessica_xo]

hey girl,

 

don't put up with it. i know what its like to be in that situation, and in the end i just felt worse for putting myself so low.

 

don't do that to yourself...you're doing the right thing by not sleeping with him.

 

i know you have these feelings, but at least feel the relief of not contacting somebody who blatantly wants to be with you when hes nothing else better to do?

 

don't be a filler. HE has to make time for YOU if he wants to see you, don't go asking him out or saying "ill only be your girlfriend again," because that's putting your feelings straight on the line again knowing he's hurt you before, and it'll make it way too easy.

 

leave things alone for sometime. he'll get in contact. be busy a lot. show him how much you dont need him to be happy. go out with friends, just go go go! bury your feelings for your own sake, and see who he really is.

 

guys can seem lovely and charming at first, but would you ever feel comfortable being with him again if he can just contact you if he's bored or wants sex?

 

drop me an email in reply if you like. if you ever need anything just chat to me and ill try to help you (: i know whats its like so i hope everything will be okay for you.

[regger]

yeah hooking up as in kissing...pretty much everything BUT sleeping with him..thank god i just feel like im revolving my happiness around him ALL THE TIME. its sucks and i cant help it i cry and cry picturing him with someone else....i cant handle it. Ive poured my heart out in letters and phone calls and he has said some verryyy hurtful things and ive apologised and all he could do was stand there and laugh he doesnt even say sorry for the way he acting. I hate him so much but love him at the same time..its so confusing. I just dont see myself with anyone else....gah!