postscript Posted April 5, 2009 Share Posted April 5, 2009 So he broke up with me three months ago but we are still in contact. We still tell eachother we love eachother. We see eachother rarely (which causes me a lot of pain - i miss him) but we talk often on the phone, a few times a week maybe? We've tried to get together a few times the last few weeks but I have been apathetic... and I think he has too.. We were meant to see eachother tonight for a few hours, he called and said he still had friends at his place, I had just gotten home and told him I was exhausted, and pretty much pushed him away. He asked when we COULD see eachother and I told him that I wasn't free until Sunday (which is a week away)... Now that I KNOW I won't see him til sunday (and havent seen him for a few weeks) I just don't want to bother at all. I don't want anything to do with him - it hurts being his friend when I love him.. The only reason we are in contact is because we are on a break and sorting our lives out - but we know in a few months or so we will work on our relationship again. I love him a lot, but right now it hurts TOO much to talk to him even though I am DYING to see him and talk to him.. I don't know what to do. He & I both want to be friends - no relationship with eachother or other people - and I still want him in my life but it's hard being just friends after so many years together.. Should I just move on? I'm slowly giving up and he can tell and every time I tell him I am losing interest or hurting, he says "But I thought everything was going so good" "I was really looking forward to working things out" but to me it feels the opposite - it's just plain hurting and I don't want to wait months to work things out and trying to maintain a "friendship" for months.. I just want out - but I love him too much. Ugh! I am really confused, obviously!! What would you do? Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 5, 2009 Share Posted April 5, 2009 I'm not sure I understand. Do you want to get back together with him or not? Link to comment
velvette Posted April 5, 2009 Share Posted April 5, 2009 clean break. have him chase you back when he's ready for you in his life again! Link to comment
postscript Posted April 5, 2009 Author Share Posted April 5, 2009 shoefairy - that's my problem.. i love him to bits, want to be with him, but i know i am not ready to be in a relationship with him again (we have a lot of issues to sort out) as well as he & i both having personal issues & life issues to sort out before we date anyone for the time being.. but, the only alternatives are being his friend or forgetting him entirely.. both hurt! Link to comment
Katie1607308012 Posted April 5, 2009 Share Posted April 5, 2009 Just be careful, my ex-ex always told me he wanted to be with me, just needed to sort himself out, he left, used me for a few months until he got with another girl. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 5, 2009 Share Posted April 5, 2009 Is this the one you were talking about last year? In this situation I would try to cut contact for a while. Explain to him why you think this should be done. Maybe agree on a time frame, maybe 3, 6 months or longer with NC. Both work on your issues and come back together arter this time apart and see where you both are then. Maybe you can begin to date slowly when you have both had time alone to work on issues. But as it is now, with you getting hurt so much, I am not sure you will get very far while you are still in contact with him. Link to comment
postscript Posted April 5, 2009 Author Share Posted April 5, 2009 Just be careful, my ex-ex always told me he wanted to be with me, just needed to sort himself out, he left, used me for a few months until he got with another girl. well of course there's a possibility he might do that to me, it seems unlikely, and right now well - he has not seen anyone or been with anyone else - yet i have slept with other people the last few months - so it could be seen as ME using him? I am not purposely using him, we aren't together, but we have intentions to be together.. Either way, I just can't work out whether or not I should give up for good.. I know I can't be his friend but thats all I can be for now... Right now our relationship consists of him calling every few days, having a mental breakdown on the phone (last few phonecalls were him crying, me consoling about his life issues), we often try to see eachother but it hasn't worked out for a few weeks, and almost every second day I am crying because I miss him. Link to comment
postscript Posted April 5, 2009 Author Share Posted April 5, 2009 Is this the one you were talking about last year? In this situation I would try to cut contact for a while. Explain to him why you think this should be done. Maybe agree on a time frame, maybe 3, 6 months or longer with NC. Both work on your issues and come back together arter this time apart and see where you both are then. Maybe you can begin to date slowly when you have both had time alone to work on issues. But as it is now, with you getting hurt so much, I am not sure you will get very far while you are still in contact with him. Yeah, same guy. SAME story too. Indecisive. I guess all this indecision and years of back/forth should just scream to me "LEAVE! GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN!" I am crazy! Thanks for the advice, I think NC is best. Is there any point in telling him about NC though? He only really contacts me every few days when he is depressed and needs someone to cry to and those phone calls usually make me sad - so I can just ignore that from now on and not talk to him or respond. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 5, 2009 Share Posted April 5, 2009 In light of this information, I really think you need to stop all contact for a while to sort out what you feel. I know you are confused now but that is because you are in the middle of it all. With NC you will eventually be able to see the situation with a lot more clarity. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 5, 2009 Share Posted April 5, 2009 Yeah, same guy. SAME story too. Indecisive. I guess all this indecision and years of back/forth should just scream to me "LEAVE! GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN!" I am crazy! Thanks for the advice, I think NC is best. Is there any point in telling him about NC though? He only really contacts me every few days when he is depressed and needs someone to cry to and those phone calls usually make me sad - so I can just ignore that from now on and not talk to him or respond. Ah. As hard as it is, from what I remember about you posts regarding him back then, I think it would be best to cut all ties and just move on, I don't think a relationship with him will ever work out well for you. I'm not sure about not telling him, I don't know if I could ignore someone I cared about. Do you think you would be able to ignore his attempts at making contact? If so then do it. But I think it would be best to tell him, so he knows why he is being ignored. Link to comment
postscript Posted April 5, 2009 Author Share Posted April 5, 2009 Ah. As hard as it is, from what I remember about you posts regarding him back then, I think it would be best to cut all ties and just move on, I don't think a relationship with him will ever work out well for you. I'm not sure about not telling him, I don't know if I could ignore someone I cared about. Do you think you would be able to ignore his attempts at making contact? If so then do it. But I think it would be best to tell him, so he knows why he is being ignored. We just spoke on the phone and it was awkward so maybe I will wait until he contacts me again and I will tell him as nicely as I can that I think we cut all contact for a long time (no time frame).. I know there is a LOT he wants to talk to me about so it will be hard for him to not contact me (not to mention we have a lot of the same friends and will see eachother a lot in the future) but I will try and be strong. I need to just reassure myself it's for the best and hope I can stick to it! I wish it could just go away! Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 5, 2009 Share Posted April 5, 2009 I know. It's much easier said than done. But, it is possible What does he have to talk to you about all the time? Link to comment
postscript Posted April 5, 2009 Author Share Posted April 5, 2009 I know. It's much easier said than done. But, it is possible What does he have to talk to you about all the time? I guess the fact that we have been thick as thieves for a good portion of our lives, shared everything, and are both going through tough times at the moment. I am the only person he is comfortable with. He's my closest friend and I am still not used to not having him around to share things with and talk to. I know that is going to take a long time to get used to though. It seems so silly talking about it all now, I question myself now why I am bothering with all this added emotional stress on top of what I personally have to deal with. I definitely need a clean break. I just wish it was EASY to make an escape and not have to talk to him or think about him! Even just initiating no contact involves talking to him and telling him that I think NC is best is going to be very hard to convince him of. I have to be strong! Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 5, 2009 Share Posted April 5, 2009 The way I see it is he broke up with you and is using you as an emotional crutch to talk about his problems because you are the one he feels more comfortable with. This isn't fair to you at all. You will never be able to move on whilst you are still talking to him. It definitely isn't easy, you won't stop thinking about him just like that and you will miss him but it will pass eventually. I think this is the only way. If you don't do this now how long are you willing to allow this to continue? You are not happy with the way things are now but there are steps you can take to change that. Link to comment
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