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Obsessing too much about what he's doing...


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Today I did fine as far as being productive but when I got home tonight by myself, That's when all of the thoughts & anxiety settles in. Even though my ex wasn't into me and I ended things without him even caring. I'm just left with a lot of unanswered questions like, why did he lose interest? Did he find someone else? Why did he become distant? Things were so great at first, we were hanging out alot and calling,texting & then he went cold. I just don't get why he lost interest and that's what's spinning through my head constantly. He claimed that he wasn't getting distant when I confronted him but I got so upset by his nonchalant attitude that I broke up with him. All he could say was, if that's what you really want to do,as if it didn't phase him. We haven't talked since.

 

 

So after about 2 weeks without talking to him, I've started to wonder what he's doing. I went on his myspace page which was a bad mistake. I see in his comments section that he's been talking to a whole bunch of females. One in particular that I'm feeling very jealous of. He seems to be very flirty with this one girl in particular on his page. They're calling each other cutesy names like babe,boo etc etc. So I see a recent comment from the girl that was posted today asking him if he was going to see her today. So he replies with yeah babe.. give me a call and we can get up. So, I'm all losing it because all thoughts are running through my head, wondering if they are together now having sex and all kinds of crazy things. We're not together and he can do whatever he wants but still.. I'm hurt that he would move on so fast. Th sad thing is he's not even thinking about me. His mood on his page today was happy. He's not even sad...

 

So I completely lost it tonight, I started dialing his number to see what he was doing and the phone rang a couple of times and he answered. As soon as I heard his voice I quickly hung the phone up. I deleted his number the day I broke up with him and I was trying to get rid of all contacts but I know his number by heart. I really don't know what I was trying to accomplish by calling him. It was one of those impulse type things. I guess I was trying to see if he was with that girl or something..

 

God.. how pathetic am I.. This is hard lol. Night seems to be the worst,because this is when the anxiety and the loneliness creeps in and I start thinking about him...

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hugs - hang in there. i am sort of in a similar boat as you. just go out with your friends, get your mind off of him.

 

 

Thanks Annie.. I'm so mad at myself that I cracked and got so desperate to look at his page and get jealous over something stupid and call him looking like a fool. Sheesh this is going to be hard to get over...

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This apathetic attitude your ex has sounds a lot like my last boyfriend.

 

He became very cold and distant about 6 months into the relationship. When I finally broke it off about a year and a half later, he acted as though it didn't bother him. He was very accepting of my decision. It hurt me at first but by that point I came to expect that reaction. A week later, he was hooking up with new women.

 

Anyway, you need someone passionate in your life. Otherwise, what's the point, right? Trust me, it hurts now. You want him to want you. You want him to be sad that you've left. For all you know, he could be hiding the fact that he is but either way, you'll be fine. After awhile, you'll get tired of feeling rejected by him and you'll meet a man who is passionate about you.

Trust me, you'll feel better soon. You'll realize that he's a waste of your time and energy and you'll move on to better things.

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I agree, I don't understand why I still want him.. I still miss the early aspects of the relationship when he was charming,funny and always there for me. Then he turned into a total heartless jerk. It makes me soo angry.. One night while on the phone with him while we were together ,he had the nerve to say that he was bored and he wanted to get off the phone. So therefore that's when I ended things.. I just want him to feel hurt like I did. Yet he seems to be happy... that bothers and hurts me.. Here I am sad and alone and he's not even phased by it... Ugh I just can't take that..

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oh my god, im in exactly the same boat as you! I broke up with him because as the days went on he just acted like i was worth less and less...and when i dumped him he just acted like the whole thing was just another day, while i was crying my heart out in front of him (kinda embarrasing lol), he soometimes acted like the time we spent together was boring also, when i had spent the whole day looking forward to spending every second with him.

Its crazy how they almost force us into wanting them to want us, by treating us like dirt. I ended things because i was sick of him hurting me, but its like he still manages to yank my chain!

I also went on his myspace a week after the break up and he also had begun to talk to many females...that was a horrible day, i cryed so so much!! It feels so shallow how they just move on with the click of a finger, isnt it? While we are uncontrolably moarning over them!! ahhhh

Hang in there

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Have you guys thought about the "apathy" as a coping mechanism?

It could be possible that the dumpees were burning up from the inside, that the wanted to let out all their emotions on the dumpers. But seriously, what would that accomplish? more justification for the relationship to end? at an even messier pace?

 

When my ex decided to end things with me, I was completely apathetic, un emotional, or so people would ahve thought if they saw me. But deep down on the inside, I was destroyed, every stretch of muscle ached in pain as I held my composure. Every tear held back was rolling down the back of my throat. Every word, every emotion restrained to a point where it felt like a life time had passed with every second. You see it's not easy being a dumpee, especially one that has to keep their composure.

 

Here on ENA we commend and congratulate dumpees who don't beg, plead, cry, pine, show emotions when being dumped. But why are we so surprised that when we, as dumpers, get the same emotionless behaviours of the dumpess?

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