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What does this mean?


Darkness7

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For those of you who haven't read my previous threads, my fiancee and I have been on a break for over 2 weeks now. She's had some personal issues that she wanted some time alone to sort out and then she said we can focus on our relationship without them getting in the way.

 

I initiated NC and when I did, she started worrying that I forgot about her and stuff and began to contact me again. I kept it all neutral and didn't involve any emotions. Things were going really positively and today I noticed that she has deleted me from her Facebook.

 

Why do you think she did that? Does that mean she's trying to cut me out of her life completely? I don't understand.

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Darkness,

 

I feel your pain. Not knowing the details of the break-up, I can't really give an informed perspective but I do feel like maybe she just can't cope with you being in her life right now.

 

My ex fiance seems to want me out of his life too, but at the same time, when he left me, he said he still loved me and always would. At first I thought he was lying, but now I think he's just in too much pain (even though he was the dumper). He is going through a lot of bad things right now and I think I honestly remind him of his depression so he's trying to keep me away so he can heal.

 

If you and your fiance really love(d) each other, it may not be that she's blocking you out of spite or anger but self-preservation. It may not be the most "mature" thing to do but she could just not want to deal with the pain and that's her way.

 

Hopefully in time it gets easier and you two can talk again. I hope it's that way with my ex too. I hope he doesn't get bitter and move on to the point where he wants nothing to do with me ever again because he's so happy that seeing me will bring up bad memories (that's what I fear).

 

It sucks. I'm sure you have many good memories (as do I) but unforuntately, the end of the relationship maybe seems to stick in some people's minds.

 

Hang in there. I think you'll see that grieving is a process. Ii've been through denial bargaining, anger, depression...and now I think I'm starting to accept that he's gone, but it's not easy because there are times I think, "WHAT? HE'S REALLY GONE?!" and then I remember a plan we had made (to go to San Diego this summer) or something we liked to do that I feel bad doing without him. Those things come and go. But hopefully it'll get a little easier.

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It is her way of coping. She has to temporarily "erase" you from her life so she can heal. It's odd, I know, but it's her way of healing from the break up.

 

Give her time. If it's meant to be, she'll come back. If not, she was never your's the begin with.

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Thanks for your reply.

 

Basically my fiancee walked out on me because she had personal issues to sort out and couldn't deal with being in a relationship as well. She's been struggling with the beginnings of depression and her mother has always been trying to break us apart from the very beginning with emotional blackmail and stuff. My fiancee couldn't take all that pressure anymore and 3 weeks ago she just got up and left without any sort of indication before that that was going to happen.

 

I did all the wrong things of calling her straight after and begging for her back, but it only pushed her away further and whenever I was on the phone with her, I could hear her mum in the background as well, so I don't believe she meant the horrible things she said when she was on the phone to me, things like that the relationship never meant anything to her, she never loved me, etc.

 

I then went NC with her and after a week she started trying to contact me again and things were left on quite a positive note. So this deleting me on FB, I know it's only FB for crying out loud, has somehow unsettled me. I am worried she's trying to cut me out of her life forever even though things were looking good for our relationship. I just don't understand it.

 

She last told me she still is very much in love with me and she misses me so much, but then I can tell she's almost breaking down in tears when she says that and then suddnely goes all cold and says the opposite of what she just said. Is that just her trying to 'pretend' she is over me and doesn't love me anymore when in reality she does and wants to come back in the future?

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I think your guess is as good as mine. I went through something similar. Ulitmately though, sounds like she is confused and just doesn't know what she wants. She could still have feelings for you but not want a relationship now for whatever reasons. It's really hard to understand when they just break up with us suddenly, like something is brewing in their heads but we don't know the secrets that linger inside...and maybe they don't either.

 

I hope she figures it out either way though. It's nice to know what's going on so you can have closure.

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