Jump to content

I'm 29 and attracted to a 40 year old woman


tomtommyboy

Recommended Posts

Is this sensible or do I just back off?

 

She's got 3 kids (an 8 yr-old and two 6-yr old twins) and I increasingly like her. I haven't sensed anything from her yet anyway, but I think she probably assumes I'm not interested.

 

There are so many obvious problems. At the same time, I feel ready to take on a committment at my age, and I really like her, her kids, everything about the situation. She's a lot of fun, very attractive, and very much single.

 

Any cautionary tales that'll make me back off?!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for your thoughts everyone.

 

Villie: whoa! I get where you're coming from, but the truth is I have no idea!! I just want to date casually to start with. When I say "I'm ready to take on a committment" I just mean that fairly quickly I'd be an element in her kids' lives I guess, no matter how casual the dating was, and I think I can deal with that...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am 46 and my boyfriend is 31. We have been dating for a year now. It has been good for the most part, but sometimes he does not realize how much I have on my plate with the kids and all. He has never been married and has not children, so all he has to worry about it him. So just be aware that we three kids she haslots on her plate.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well that sounds cool moviebuffny - tbh I'd want to take it slowly but it'd feel more "serious" cos she's a real grownup person with kids! I'd be happy to help her as far as she wanted, but at this stage I'd want it to be a gradual thing; if it ended up being serious then so be it. But I'm well, well aware that her kids are far and away the priority in her life. She's a good mother too, which makes her more attractive in my eyes.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My ex's ex-girlfriend was 10 years older than him, (he was 8 years older than me), and he would complain that he had to book in advance if he wanted to see her.

 

Bottom line, if there are kids involved there is very limited spontinaity. Tread with caution.

 

I think this says it all. She's living a very different lifestyle from you, and priorities are going to be with her kids many times. Maybe just keep it light with her, but be very careful about taking the relationship too far without thinking through your life changes to fit into her life and her kid's life or you'll resent it.

 

Stella has the reason many of these dont' work, and I've heard it from other age gap relationships that fail. The younger basically wants to be free...the older's "baggage" (which to me are blessings) like kids, get in the way. It's a shame, but reality.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well that sounds cool moviebuffny - tbh I'd want to take it slowly but it'd feel more "serious" cos she's a real grownup person with kids! I'd be happy to help her as far as she wanted, but at this stage I'd want it to be a gradual thing; if it ended up being serious then so be it. But I'm well, well aware that her kids are far and away the priority in her life. She's a good mother too, which makes her more attractive in my eyes.

 

The fact that you recognize that being a good mother can be a turnon, shows you may have the maturity to proceed. People looking for a party are typically oblivious to these things...being a loving parent can be equally as gratifying as jetting off to Paris for the weekend.

 

You sound like a good man.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

Cheers for that! I think the point about this attraction is that I guess I am growing up a bit. I liked younger women for most of my 20s, in part I think as a way of clinging to that youthful stage myself. Now I'm kinda bored with partying and am looking for something more settled. And - I probably should have stressed this from the outset - part of the attraction is the kids themselves. They're really, really lovely (which is a big credit to her, too) so I don't mind them being part of the package.

 

I can't help wondering if I wouldn't rather live that adventure with someone closer to my own age who hasn't been through it already though.

 

In any event, nothing's happened yet! But I do sense a growing attraction on both sides. Ah, life's too short. I'll probably just go for it, but cautiously at first...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...
Villie: whoa! I get where you're coming from, but the truth is I have no idea!!

If you know that you don't want your own kids, fine. But if you're not sure, why allow yourself to get invested in this situation? Sure, everyone says take it slow, keep it light, etc. I say why bother - there are many women in their 20s and 30s who will have everything she has, sans kids, and will have fresher eggs.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...