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Should I try again after a year and NC?


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I came here for my breakup long ago and found this site to be very useful. Now I need some advice on my current situation:

 

I met my ex bf in HS - we were friends but really shy so lost touch after HS. Then we found each other an facebook and began writting emails back and forth. Finally, after 6 years we met up again and hit it off as friends. I live in DC for now and he lives in NY so I would see him during the weekends. It took him three month of my not-so-subtle signs and encouragement from his friends for him to make a move and then we started dating and were very happy together. He told me that even though he had dated a few girls during that 6 year period, that I was really the last person he had any strong feelings for and though about me a lot. Me - I barely remembered he existed.

 

Now, I've always been slightly scared of coming off as needy and very independent and have had a hard time revealing my feelings. So eventually he started to bring up questions like, where is this going or saying that he doesn't like ambiguity of the relationship. I just brushed it off b/c I didn't think it was a big deal. Then he was having a difficult time in school and couldn't pay attention to me and I got really upset and instead of revealing my true feelings, that I was hurt, I was just like.. raw raw raw. So eventually he just stopped talking to me and that was the break up.

 

Now its one year later, and I guess its kind of hopeless, but I've finally come to a place where I can put myself out there and reveal my feelings. I don't know why the breakup happened - he tells me I did nothing wrong, but I can't help but wonder if I had been more honest and open with how I feel he truly was the love of my life, rather than trying to be an independent modern female that I keep reading about in Cosmo, than maybe things would have been different.

 

Even though he has basically ignored me since the break up, with a few exceptions, I just feel this strong urge to see him in person (if he'll agree to meet me) and tell him - look, no matter what I might have said, I really want you to know that you were the love of my life.

 

But is it pointless? They say not to bring up emotions with ex's unless they do first, so I dont know. Maybe he was just never into me, or isn't anymore, so I don't know either, but he always said things like - I'd rather break up with you now than have you hurt me in the future and leave me, so I wonder if its lack of feelings or an emotional block he has for me.

 

Anyway, very confused, please advice. Thanks so much for reading all of this..

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have you discovered why you have difficulty revealing your feelings? i kind of get the impression that that's where the problem lies. he was looking for something more from you. something concrete. what was really holding you back? something within the relationship? something from your past? from personal experience...it's never all that simple. maybe you've figured that part out now.

 

i wrote a letter to an ex a few years back. we hadn't heard from each other in a year or two. basically...it was just an explanation of what i'd discovered about myself...and how it had affected the relationship in my eyes. i made mention that i thought of her from time to time. it wasn't a suggestive letter.

i wasn't looking for anything. as it turns out...i got a response. it was actually pretty heartfelt. the exchange was a reconciliation in a way...but it never lead to anything more. but that was never the point. i'll tell you this though...it was definitely worth the time and effort to make that contact for me. it put the past to bed.

 

a year is a long time...would you regret not making contact at this point? i guess you just need to be wary of the fact that it's very possible that he's moved on indefinately. i dunno. i think there's something to be said for testing the waters. maybe a physical meeting isn't the ideal first step to make if you choose that path.

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Yes I have fig out why.. kind of.. and have decided to actually casually start seeing a therapist to help me deal with some of these things.

 

Actually, I did try to contact him but he kind of just ignored me most of the time. I think its b/c initially I wanted to an explanation from him that he couldn't give me (I mean, we are both similar people and if it took me a year to get to this point, I wonder where he is - besides, what kind of guy would say, I wanted more emotion from you) and I guess he still thinks I do. And also b/c I know he's very self protective. But I think that if I told him that I wanted to meet him in person and that it was really important to me, I think he might.

 

On the other hand, it could be that he could completely have cared less and have left me to pursue someone else and just never wanted to tell me. And in that case, I'm just annoying the **** out of him.

 

So thats why I wonder what I should do... =/

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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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