wowwow Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 We broke up 6 months ago after a 4 year relationship and 2 other breakups (2 engagements, wedding planned). We kept in contact for months. Going back and forth about everything. Him always asking who I was dating, what I was up to, met up twice for drinks, etc. The last time we talked 3 weeks ago he stated that we might as well keep in regular contact as I always end up getting in touch with him within 2 or 3 weeks of not contacting anyway. I said it was him who contacted me all the time. He stated nope it was me. He was very arrogent. So.........we have not contacted each other for 3 weeks and I plan to go until the day he contacts me again just to prove a point. I should be doing no contact with this guy anyway after him breaking up with me three times and two of those times we were engaged to be married. This just goes to show why NC is best. Contact just made him think I still love him and want him around and had not really moved on. It made him happy and arrogent. FOOLISH!!!! Anyone see it differently? Link to comment
heartbroken9 Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 I dont see it differently. I agree with you. Im in the same situation and decided to do NC bc staying in contact was actually making it harder for me. I felt like he wanted me around only until he found something else "better". He dumped me twice. Im not gonna stick around and he his fool no more.. But my point is..NC is a good thing to do for yourself. Link to comment
tujna Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 Exactly in the same situation, girls. I would go NC, he would come or call, invite me and give me hopes and then would shatter them down. No more. I want 100% commitment or I will just keep loving him from a distance. Link to comment
looloolola Posted April 5, 2009 Share Posted April 5, 2009 wow same exact thing is happening to me why do men do this? keep you around, mess with your mind, then drop you. My ex would see me out try soo hard to talk to me and hang out, right when i would give in that was it i wouldnt hear from hi until the next outing where he would repeat the same cycle over again. wow! Link to comment
gidget1 Posted April 5, 2009 Share Posted April 5, 2009 I saw these posts and knew I had to reply. This is also happening to me. Gotta love 'em hey? We've broken up numerous times - he was the dumper every time (for 4 years) and would ignore me as soon as he dumped me, come crawling back a few weeks/months later, I would respond nicely and think maybe he's trying to work it out - we'd get back together then he'd leave me again! He's recently come back and now I KNOW I have to go NC, ignore him, heal myself, ditch him entirely! Link to comment
wowwow Posted April 5, 2009 Author Share Posted April 5, 2009 I agree 100%!!! You could waste years doing this back and forth, going no where, never moving on poor quality relationship thing. I am truly finally moving on and it feels good. It's been tough, but its getting easier with time. I can't believe I fell into his control and let him dictate, define and wear me down until I could hardly figure out who I am and what I want out of life. Draining to say the least!!!!! I have a date this afternoon and another next week and I am giving others a good solid chance. I promised myself I will never contact him again or carry on a conversation with him until I am in a new relationship and can say I am happy with another man and mean it. If not silly me would go right back for another round. I am in emotional get it togetehr self rehab for now until futher notice.......LOL Link to comment
anticipation Posted April 5, 2009 Share Posted April 5, 2009 Why??? Why have I gone through exactly the same thing? Now we're supposed to be friends but he txts me when HE wants, HE controls the situation...I mean I cope much better now than I did after the first time he dumped me. But I love him and don't understand why he does that. I just don't understand why men do this?! I've been studying men's psychology for a long time now and trust me I haven't found a satisfying answer yet!!! He's already 28 this year, he broke up with me, had a rebound relationship, and now he drinks an goes out so often that I'm wondering if he's not gonna get any liver disease. So that means he's not really happy in his life but doesn't know how to commit in a relationship...And I'm so afraid of going NC again after he asked me to be his friend, because I like him around me from time to time, I like his personality and laugh that we have when we are together... Why would they do it? What's the purpose of such behaviour? Would they not be happier in a loving relationship? I know it's about NC but I had to share those feelings with you... Link to comment
wowwow Posted April 5, 2009 Author Share Posted April 5, 2009 Why???? Because they can! Most women who get treated so poorly would not participate in the shananigans. Men who I treat that way do it for a while and the ones who have it together take a hint and move on............ Link to comment
aglaia Posted April 5, 2009 Share Posted April 5, 2009 Yes NC is for yourself and ZERO part of it is about them.. ZERO. you don't care what they're doing, if they're out drinking, if they're out with someone else, if they're depressed crying in a corner, if they're out getting laid, if they're out wasting their lives away. Because it DOESN'T MATTER. What you do is focus only on yourself and the people around you who actually give a damn about you. If they have dumped you and chosen to let the relationship go, they don't give a damn. They don't want to be with you. They may say they still love you, or they miss you, or they think about you but they chose not to be with you... Nothing is about them anymore. They have lost that right to matter and count for something in your life. If you want to be friends, why would you want to remain friends who will play with your mind and not treat you like a friend? Friends don't do these kinds of things to true friends. they're not worth having in your life. Link to comment
looloolola Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 All very good points! I like this thread Link to comment
uj2004 Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 Yes NC is for yourself and ZERO part of it is about them.. ZERO. you don't care what they're doing, if they're out drinking, if they're out with someone else, if they're depressed crying in a corner, if they're out getting laid, if they're out wasting their lives away. Because it DOESN'T MATTER. What you do is focus only on yourself and the people around you who actually give a damn about you. If they have dumped you and chosen to let the relationship go, they don't give a damn. They don't want to be with you. They may say they still love you, or they miss you, or they think about you but they chose not to be with you... Nothing is about them anymore. They have lost that right to matter and count for something in your life. I just printed that out in massive print, filling a whole page sideways. Beautifully said. Link to comment
Siberia Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 Thanks to NC--I have completely overcome the sickening feeling of "I cannot live without him." For first time in four years, I feel complete by myself. Thanks to NC, I also know I am the prize. Not only do I *think* I can live without him, I am actually doing that. And doing wonderfully. I've started working on my book. Started reconnecting with friends. And when things get a little hot under collar (missing him, etc) I start solving the "super hard" section of Mensa puzzles. LOL. Helps a lot. Link to comment
aglaia Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 And when things get a little hot under collar (missing him, etc) I start solving the "super hard" section of Mensa puzzles. LOL. Helps a lot. haha i go with super hard sudoku Link to comment
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