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I sent him a letter today, on his birthday, telling him happy birthday, I wish you the best, you were wonderful in my life, etc.) and also... I don't want to be in contact right now. we had been in LC, and things just felt awkward and strange. I am tired of hurting and of the confusion. I didn't question him about some of his choices and behaviors, and I didn't apologize about my past behavior, which I had done from the bottom of my heart many times. I just told him I need to not be friends right now, so i can heal and move on.

 

I called him early this morning to wish him a happy birthday, it went well, we were happy to talk. I told him he would be receiving a letter from Mexico which I sent 2 weeks ago (he hasn't received it yet), and another letter explaining some things (letter sent today). that it was for the best and that I wish him the best. I told him I was sorry if it hurt him (what he will read), but it is what I need. I want to move on, look forward and explore my issues regarding this relationhips and the break up. I realised I had unrealistic expectations and a lot of feelings of being worthless, abandonement issues and boundary issues from childhood. I cannot be in a healthy relationship until I address these issues. I am proud of myself for setting boundaries today, and for not going back into the past and questionning his choices, just simply calling him to wish him happy birthday, with no expectations and letting him go wishing him the best. he said "talk to you soon", I said "talk to you soon", but it's just a way of letting go gently, cause in my letter it says I don't want to be friends right now.

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Good job! You are well on your way.

 

Healing is a strange and wonderful process. As you go you're likely to (over time) feel better and better, more and more freedom, more and more happiness, and more and more joy.

 

So many of us can relate to having the same issues as you do, and it really helps to share with others that are on the same path to healing. Thanks for being here.

 

Your title caught my eye.

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Good job! You are well on your way.

 

Healing is a strange and wonderful process. As you go you're likely to (over time) feel better and better, more and more freedom, more and more happiness, and more and more joy.

 

So many of us can relate to having the same issues as you do, and it really helps to share with others that are on the same path to healing. Thanks for being here.

 

Your title caught my eye.

 

 

I can see how the title caught your eye

 

I am willing to let go for real. The question is, am I capable of it? I feel so many feelings of doubt, low self esteem, confusion, and even inferiority (yes, I feel like I was not good enough for him). How can I be with someone if I feel worthless and not good enough and inferior? I hope I can get through this. I feel like maybe I made a mistake for setting my limits, but then I feel it is the right thing, it feels and seems right.

 

I feel pretty alone right now, it's hard to face my demons, limitations, mistakes, illusions, to let go ofall that. I hope I can do it.

 

Thanks for caring and being here.

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I can see how the title caught your eye

 

I am willing to let go for real. The question is, am I capable of it? I feel so many feelings of doubt, low self esteem, confusion, and even inferiority (yes, I feel like I was not good enough for him). How can I be with someone if I feel worthless and not good enough and inferior? I hope I can get through this. I feel like maybe I made a mistake for setting my limits, but then I feel it is the right thing, it feels and seems right.

 

I feel pretty alone right now, it's hard to face my demons, limitations, mistakes, illusions, to let go ofall that. I hope I can do it.

 

Thanks for caring and being here.

 

You're welcome, it can be a very daunting task to face our problems alone and ena can certainly help.

 

What do you think is the root cause for your feelings of unworthiness?

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You are very brave for doing this, and for sending a letter to level with him. I don't know the full extent of your situation but from what I can gather, I can relate to this from personal experience with your feelings of self doubt and worthlessness. To know that you shouldn't be involved and be bold enough to admit it and work on things is a big step indeed and says a lot about you. I only wish some figures in my past would send me a letter to explain why some things were as they were.

 

Nonetheless, I wish you the best with your healing.

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Ready2heal, to answer your above question,

 

well, I think it has to do with not letting go of my father's abuse toward me and my siblings and mom. I still give my power away to him. By believing all the rotten stuff he said about us. It was bad and I don,t care to repeat it, just constant accusations, blaming, name calling, degrading, controlling and violence. She was every name in the book, he made degrading comments to me about her appearance, and about her friends and family. He was jealous and pathetic. it really affected me, I developped a lot of self-shame, and sadness. It is a very LONG story made short, just to answer your question. All my life I have felt I couldn't trust myslef, I have felt dirty and ashamed and confused about who I am, and find it very hard to trust people. I have worked soooo hard on myself, books, therapy, school, journaling, and I am veeeeery tired. I hope I get it soon. I hope I get a break-through moment and find a sense of self-acceptance, joy and inner peace. I hope I can open up to more friendship and spirituality, a sense of trust and hope.

 

thanks a lot for your replies, it means a LOT to me.

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You are very brave for doing this, and for sending a letter to level with him. I don't know the full extent of your situation but from what I can gather, I can relate to this from personal experience with your feelings of self doubt and worthlessness. To know that you shouldn't be involved and be bold enough to admit it and work on things is a big step indeed and says a lot about you. I only wish some figures in my past would send me a letter to explain why some things were as they were.

 

Nonetheless, I wish you the best with your healing.

 

 

thank you , I am touched. I hope good comes out of this (for both of us and for people who read my post), I really want to come to terms with my issues and This morning on the phone I didn't want to talk about it with him, but I told him everything in the letter is for the best, not out of a desire to hurt him (basically telling him I need no contact to heal and move on).

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Do you have any hobbies or interests? Is there anything you've always wanted to try but haven't yet?

 

The idea behind this is taking steps to become the person you wish to be and letting the change in your self-image follow.

 

thanks ready2heal

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1More, it takes a lot of courage to do what you did. You feel like you lost one of your limb afterwards, but actually day by day you will feel stronger.

 

I recently wrote a good-bye letter to my Ex too after LC and then 3 months of "getting back together". His heart was not in it. I thought I was going to be devastated, but you know what, I don't feel that bad.

 

I am sure now that you don't have him as a distraction, you will be able to focus on yourself. Start to make yourself a better person.

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1More, it takes a lot of courage to do what you did. You feel like you lost one of your limb afterwards, but actually day by day you will feel stronger.

 

I recently wrote a good-bye letter to my Ex too after LC and then 3 months of "getting back together". His heart was not in it. I thought I was going to be devastated, but you know what, I don't feel that bad.

 

I am sure now that you don't have him as a distraction, you will be able to focus on yourself. Start to make yourself a better person.

 

Thanks so much for the support. I appreciate it so much.

 

actually, I have been feeling like crap the past couple of days, really scared and actually angry too. I feel like the loss is even greater, I am facing so many of my shortcomings, mistakes, issues that came up in the relationship. I am facing my illusions, lost dream of the relationship, expectations, childhood-based pain that I still need to heal. I feel such a sense of loss. The thing is, I am serious this time. Before I struggled so much with hope, trying to be friends, ... Trying to understand him and his reasons and issues. Now I realize trhat those belong to him and I need to focus on me, like you said. Holding on to hope is really hurting me. There is no hope. There is a lost dream. I need to let go. and one of the ways I got myslef back is by setting those limits. I felt that the friendship was phony in some ways. I am trrying to listen to my instincts, to my feelings. It just felt wrong. It felt like it was just trying to cover up something. The truth about us being no longer what we had dreamed together.

 

thanks again.

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1more,

I am a bit ahead of you, so I can tell you it does get better.

Heck, sometimes, I still wondered if I did the right thing.

 

Yes, you had dreams, expectations, connections, but they were all one way. He is not contributing to any of it at this time. Can you keep this going like, forever?

Eventually you would be anxious 24/7 while he thinks about you maybe 2 minutes out of the whole day.

 

If we are playing the stock market, we will be getting less than 1% return. Pull out your hard earn money (heart) and invest it on a better deal, YOU.

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