Dating - Quantity vs. Quality?

[yuki]

I'd like to know if there are pros to going on as many dates as possible with lots of different people regardless of whether you feel initial attraction or not. I finally put my profile online and have been communicating with a few people, who want to meet me in person, but so far I just don't feel the urge to go on even a short coffee date with any of them. With the last guy I dated, it was a completely different story. From the moment he asked me to meet him for coffee, I was brimming with excitement and had butter flies in the stomach. My pattern has been that I have a long period of dating hiatus because I don't go on a date unless someone really interests me, but when I do meet such a person and finally go on a date, it almost always leads to many more dates after that and eventually a relationship.

 

But recently I've been wondering if my approach is necessarily a good one - after many dateless Saturday nights, you start to wonder whether that guy you said no to would have turned out to be a wonderful guy if you just got to know him. So what do you think? Go for quantity and go on as many dates as possible with different people even if most first dates end up being the last? Or go for quality and only go on a date with someone you feel attracted to?

[coldplay.]

Building interest over the phone or through email isnt the best way to date. Dating sites arnt really there for meeting specific dating prospects, but for facilitating meetings, getting your name out. Think of a dating site as a bar, you dont go on the date with that person while your still there, if your attracted, you get another date sometime else (meet up) where you really get to know each other. Building attraction with a picture and a profile wont really build a better relationship in my opinion either, it just makes sure you dont have any bad dates, which is impossible anyways.

[purpleduckie]

i'm the same way. i don't say yes to a guy unless i'm really excited about him. i personally can't change. i'm very one track minded. if i want someone, they're the only one i want - end of story!

 

however, my mom has always encouraged me to stop this one track minded thinking and go out with more guys. really, what have you got to lose? play the field a little. attraction sometimes take time to build, right? no harm in giving it a little time.

[flash83]

you need a good quantity to find the good quality.

 

its true, there are people out there who could be good for you even though on paper they aren't. my last gf of 3 years ended up to be the best 3 years of my life. we met initially as friends and she always told me she would never have imagined that we would have been so great together even though we are so different.

 

ive been doing the online dating thing too, and i notice that the 'good' girls i go on dates has just as a good of a chance to be as good as the 'ok' ones.

 

if i have nothing to do on a weeknight, why not meet someone new?

[yuki]

So, I'm hearing that go on a date even if you're not attracted to the person, just to play the field a little and for the purpose of meeting new people, is that right? I'm not sure... that somehow feels unfair to the other person. I certainly don't want a guy to go on a date with me because he's got nothing better to do on a Saturday night, you know what I mean?

[JS2009]

Hi, so I agree and sometimes feel that I'm unfair to the other person, but I have been on a few dates that the attraction built for me. (wasn't immediately attracted to them and after chatting and such, began to like them more).

 

So perhaps you should go on a few dates with guys you think might be good, and then if you find a few are a waste of time, then you can re-evaluate strategy. (And online dating---you often need a strategy, right?