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getting him to trust me again


youdontknowme91
What To Do If They Cheat - Do this ...
What To Do If They Cheat - Do this First

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Ive been with my fiance for 2 years now, and we have sex about 5-6 times a week on average regularily for that same 2 years...but the other night we were talking about masterbation with each other..and we were talking bout it and well he was telling me bout this one time..and then i decided to tell him that sometimes i do it after we have sex...which i didnt realise how that would make him feel ](*,)... he was pretty upset...

 

and than on top of that we were talking and he told me he wouldnt be upset but he really wanted to know if i had ever faked an orgasim...i decided to be honest and said...yes...he wasnt up set at least not yet he than wanted to know how often...i again decided to be honest thinking he wouldnt be upset...i told him 9 out of ten times in the last two years...he was crushed and i feel so stupid cuz its not like the sex is bad...but he says he feels like he can never have sex with me...and he feels embarassed and humiliated...and he cant trust me...i was pretty childish when we got together ive lied alot in our relationship...

 

i could really use your help ena...i love this man very much but ive messed up alot so what do you think i could do to make him feel better...and to trust me again..hes already self contious about his size already and i feel like i really hurt his feelings and i want to make this better...i want him to be able to trust me period not just in bed but period...were both each others only partners but i love having sex with him and it wasnt bc he wasnt satisfying me i guess i did it to make him feel better about him self but it back fired i just did it once and than just kept doing it after that...uhh

 

i dont do it anymore of course but he still cant get it off his mind..

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As far as I know, it's pretty common for some women to be unable to have orgasms with just regular sex.

Why not ask him to get you off afterwards too? That would be the gentlemanly thing to do, anyway, would it not?

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A big ego bruise there... I think you should communicate to him what works for you and how to satisfy you. By admitting non orgasm you have basically told him that it wasnt mutually pleasureable. Time to communicate better with him and work on a better mutual sex life. If things are bad then see a good sex therapist. Youll start cumming and he wont have to feel that way

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Some of use men don't like liars, and we see faking orgasms, especially that regularly, as a flat-out lie. If you're not having an orgasm and your fake it, it is basically a lie. More than just an ego-bruise or whatever, it is a violation of trust.

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I'm sorry but what you did was very wrong. I would have had the same reaction as him if I were him. 9 out of 10 times? why? why couldn't you ask him to give you orgasm manually after sex or sth?

 

you should tell him you never do it again and give him the chance to please you. hopefully he'll accept it!

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You could always explain that you didnt initially want to hurt his feelings but you thought it better to be honest .... because you thought he would want you to be honest

you could say that you didn't know how to tell him

and that maybe he could do other stuff to make you come first, before penetrating you

.... my bf and I have had sex most days for 9 months and yet only recently started penetration (I had a condition which prevented it)

I don't just mean oral, but even his fingers....

... girls can come more than once (my record is five in one session) so get him used to the idea that maybe he could bring you to orgasm with finger or tongue as foreplay before he enters you .... that way he gets the satisfaction of making you nice & juicy (very arousing for him) & even watching you come (ditto) and might even make his attempts better.... who knows, once you've already come, it can be easier to come again, you may find it easier to come with him inside you if you've already come (takes less stimulation the next time)...

what do you think?

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I applaud you for telling him. I think it was definitely the right thing to do and a positive step in your relationship. You've seen a pattern develop that you didn't want to continue (lying) and you are doing something about it. Very good.

 

People lie every day about all kinds of things. Blindly trusting anyone can be a very dangerous and foolhardy proposition.

 

I suggest he use the concept of 'trust with verification' to get past this. By a long shot, I think it is the best way to trust and it is something everyone can benefit from using.

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Some of use men don't like liars, and we see faking orgasms, especially that regularly, as a flat-out lie. If you're not having an orgasm and your fake it, it is basically a lie. More than just an ego-bruise or whatever, it is a violation of trust.

 

I'm sorry but what you did was very wrong. I would have had the same reaction as him if I were him. 9 out of 10 times? why? why couldn't you ask him to give you orgasm manually after sex or sth?

 

you should tell him you never do it again and give him the chance to please you. hopefully he'll accept it!

 

i totally think i deserve both of what you guys are saying and i know i was wrong..

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I applaud you for telling him. I think it was definitely the right thing to do and a positive step in your relationship. You've seen a pattern develop that you didn't want to continue (lying) and you are doing something about it. Very good.

 

People lie every day about all kinds of things. Blindly trusting anyone can be a very dangerous and foolhardy proposition.

 

I suggest he use the concept of 'trust with verification' to get past this. By a long shot, I think it is the best way to trust and it is something everyone can benefit from using.

 

thank you im glad you think i did the right thing

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