mintzsays Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 my boyfriend broke up with me at the beginning of this week. he said it wasn't going to work anymore and told me he wasn't strong enough to stay in the relationship. he said he's been sad and needs to figure things out. see, i've been having a really hard time with life in general as of late. i was one of many teachers that are in danger of getting laid off for next year (in california). you can imagine how stressful that is. also, my dad and i got into a huge fight and he almost hit me, but my mom came in between. i'm not on speaking terms with my dad. anyway, the past few weeks i've been distant with my boyfriend, and possibly taking my situation out on him. i didn't do it intentionally, but it really took a toll on my boyfriend i guess. i said things i reallly didn't mean because i was upset with things that were unrelated to him. he felt really stressed since he's got a lot on his plate too... with grad school and dental school interviews. so he felt overwhelmed. i realize my mistake and wish i could take it back, but i can't. i apologized but he was still hurt. now, i'm left by myself and i really want to fix the situation. he told me he still loves me and what he feels is real. he wanted to be friends and that we couldn't be together "at least right now". what does that mean? when he left my apt, it was the longest and saddest good-bye i have ever had. we both cried, said we loved each other, he kissed me, and left. i texted him a little later to let him know i love him and he responded the same and told me he just needed to figure things out. i don't know what to take from that. i texted him back saying i understood what he needed and i haven't contacted him since that text and it's been really hard not to. i need advice on what to do. i love him, and i strongly feel it can be worked out, but i don't know what to do. i want him back. Link to comment
Sn0man Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 Well, if you want to work it out, sooner than later is a good bet. But he wants some space so you should give him some. Just let him know what you wrote above, then give him some time to process it. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 I think I'd leave him the space, leave myself the space, and contact him in two or three weeks to say 'I love you and I want you to know the door is still open'. Don't push it, though, especially when you are feeling terrible and stressed yourself or it's likely to come out all wrong. In the meantime, be as nice to yourself as you can possibly be - practise as much stress reduction as you can manage. (((HUGS))) Link to comment
mintzsays Posted April 3, 2009 Author Share Posted April 3, 2009 thanks. how about the whole friendship thing he mentioned? should we stay in touch? or lose contact? Link to comment
The_411 Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 Mintz, When a woman wants space a relationship is 100% over when a man wants space it means he weary and needs time to get his bearing back and has too much on his plate. Since you guys appear to have ended on good terms I would suggest extremely light contact to no contact. No contact for now and only contact if something that you know he'd appreciate. I would let him contact you and do not contact him sicne he asked for space. Keep things light and causal and let him lead the conversation topic. Try to avoid being emotional and keep things in a rational domain as much as possible. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 I was about to reply but The 411 has said it all beautifully! Link to comment
mintzsays Posted April 4, 2009 Author Share Posted April 4, 2009 thanks guys. it's been hard but i'm trying to give the space and have little contact. i guess i just don't want to be "out of sight, out of mind" to him. i want to be able to get back together, and i want to do it the right way without being pushy, emotional, or whatever. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 After all you two have been through, there's no way you're going to be out of his mind. For better or for worse. Trust me on this one! Link to comment
KrazyDevil Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 the 411 -- youre saying that if she asked for space its her way of dumping you without using those exact words? Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 the 411 -- youre saying that if she asked for space its her way of dumping you without using those exact words? This isn't true of all women - I've asked for space in the past, meaning I wanted a bit of space (usually to get on with a solitary activity). Link to comment
mintzsays Posted April 5, 2009 Author Share Posted April 5, 2009 nutbrownhare- thanks. i hope that he'll have some good things on his mind, and that he still misses and wants me. it's still difficult, so i've been leaving my phone off for my own sanity. i only check my texts and vmails at night, then it's off again. i'm starting to get my appetite back a bit, but sleep is still difficult. interestingly, i can fall asleep but i wake up veryyyyy early and can't fall back asleep because he's the first thought that enters my mind. i think i'm able to fall asleep because i've been keeping myself busy, so by the time i'm home i'm too exhausted, even though he is still on my mind. i went to the races today and had some retail therapy! Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted April 5, 2009 Share Posted April 5, 2009 Keep at it, Mintz! Keep yourself busy, do nice things for yourself, but maintain that space if you can. It DOES get easier! There was a time when I was about your age, before the advent of mobile phones, when I had a note saying 'DON'T' stuck on my phone! (((HUGS))) Link to comment
mintzsays Posted April 5, 2009 Author Share Posted April 5, 2009 i know it gets easier... i guess it's hard for me to know that if things start to get easier on my side, it'll start getting easier for him too... and i have fears that play out in my mind. i'm not saying i want him to feel horrible, so don't get me wrong. i do want him to get his life together and be happy, because i feel he deserves it. i just want to be a part of it, as his girlfriend. i'm taking this time to re-evaluate things in my life as well. and maybe if i'm able to sort things out for myself, i'll be a better person, let alone a better girlfriend in the future. i actually want to take positive steps towards fixing whatever caused the break in the first place, rather than blindly suggest that we get back together. he still has a lot of my things though. for example, most of my music, movies, coach watch, lots of clothes and shoes in his closet, toiletries, etc. obviously there hasn't been any mention of swapping our things, so i guess i feel okay. i think it'd be a permanent break if he suggested that. i did something really stupid the other day and checked his facebook. my page nevers shows my relationship status but his does, and it's still listed as "in a relationship." don't worry, i won't be doing that anymore, and i won't read anything into it. it was a moment of weakness. i'll slip off the face of the earth for the time being, and after a certain time, i'll talk to him about how i feel and to possibly give it another chance if i really do love him. but for now, i'll still keep my phone OFF, and stay busy. this forum, as well as friends and journaling have helped me a great deal. Link to comment
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